Journal Entries
My god!
Posted Nov 25, 2004
Has it really been two years since I last activated this thing? Just goes to show, you should never write anyone off.
To be honest, not a lot has changed in this amount of time...I'm still ill for much of the time, but have accepted that I didn't choose to be and as long as I can keep doing something of use every day, the rest of the human race has no right to complain.
I have a lovely little flat now, with my man, and I've started writing again. I suppose what sparked me off was the BBC Digital workshop I took part in, in April. I'm finding it important to remind myself, that my creativity never goes away: it just becomes harder to access sometimes. But life is so beautiful as long as there are artists, writers, musicians and actors around. One day perhaps I'll belong to this club, I don't know. I hope I do something wonderful before I die anyway.
But this depression, it keeps coming back. I cannot call myself reliable in any capacity, and I would like to be reliable. It's something most people take for granted. people say you should just practice and be hard on yourself, but that implies a consistent state of mind which I just don't have. Today I could write a library and design a board game. Tomorrow I might be unable to leave my room. You just don't know what it's going to do to you, or when.
Gosh, I never expected this journal entry to be so long. that's a hopeful sign. maybe a monthly journal entry would be a more realistic target.
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Latest reply: Nov 25, 2004
All Riiight!!!
Posted Aug 14, 2002
I'm feeling better (apart from the huge debt my ex has left me)! Who knows, I may even write something!
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Latest reply: Aug 14, 2002
Ok I'm still here
Posted Jun 29, 2002
Had to go meet my ex in town and he cried all over me. Sadistic I know, but I actually feel a bit better now. I had this idea he was having loads of fun without me...and he's not.
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Latest reply: Jun 29, 2002
Who is pointing this bad Karma Cannon at me???
Posted Jun 26, 2002
Ok so I am not entitled to benefits.
I have had no income since March and have been leaning on my poor parents since then.
The Doctor says I am not ready to go back to work...I agree, frankly. I'm having nightmares and flashbacks about my ex dragging me around by my hair and laughing at me. I have a victim support counsellor who wants to press charges, and an appointment with a CPN. Work just isn't a concern of mine right now.
My ex employers whom I bust a gut for and did voluntary work for have failed to supply the benefits agency with my paperwork.
The bank failed to deliver my statement even though I went in in person and asked.
My gran confused me with my mother and told the benefits office i had gone to work when actually it was my mum who is at work (we have similar forenames). They have closed my claim. I begged the guy on the phone not to but he obviously doesn't believe me.
My ex will not send me my post from the old house so i have no P45. The phone there is cut off. He has not informed the council tax office that I no longer live there and has not paid any council tax...the bill is in my name.
If I don't come back here its because I'm dead.
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Latest reply: Jun 26, 2002
Total change of direction
Posted May 21, 2002
That's it for Brum...am totally settled in Wales now. Filling out benefit forms and looking for non-existent jobs and flats.
On a brighter note, I appear to have fallen in love...
YES INTERNET RELATIONSHIPS CAN WORK
A certain young man and I have met, in the flesh, and got on so well I think he will be moving over here to be with me, fingers crossed.
So what job?
Well, graphic design is out of the question and I'd rather shoot myself than take up shop work or bar work.
I really want to go to University now. This way i could get back to Birmingham which is frankly where i belong.
GAWD have to start from scratch again. Ah well.
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Latest reply: May 21, 2002
NightVision_UK
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