h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello Also ran..I thought we`d lost you
I`m very pleased that you managed to find your way back
Now, be careful when you press these buttons and knobs and things, we don`t want you disappearing into the ether again!
Will call again soon..
Take Care
Lurcher

Hi Mr. Moonwolf, Thank you for the welcome back. How do you get that wonderful logo? I have printed all the smileys as per your instructions and have used them for the first time this evening. It was great fun. I have had a desperate two days trying to do a million things without being able to do any of them efficiently or well. It is very exhausting to pick up toothpicks with a pair of BBQ tongs (much more efficient than those dreadful flapper things which some inventor has invented for us dodderers to pick up things.) A really ish sense of humour I would say. Perhaps not. Perhaps they are just trying to egg us on our way out of our problems and encouraging us to accept the inevitable. Well not for the moment. Did you hear the marvellous programme on Douglas Adams this evening on BBC1. Wish I had come across him eons ago. Stay well and gaze well at the moon - is she out. Incidentally why is the moon a she - or isn't s/he? Also ran, Also ran 1 and shortened I think to AR.

AR!!

Nice to see you again!
Well I`m lucky with the logo..it`s just that the full moon smiley seems to go well with the name,Lurcher, !
Glad you`ve got the hang of the smileys,there`ll be no stopping you now As for picking up toothpicks with BBQ tongs, have you tried a lump of Plastecene on the end of a small length of cane/stick ? I`ll bet your method works best though .
Sad to say,I missed the Douglas Adams programme And here`s me,surrounded by radios (a hobby of mine).The trouble is, I never check the programme schedules,so I miss a lot of good stuff.
Funnily enough,I have just ordered the HHG Trilogy, been far too long since I read any of DA`s books
Can`t see the moon at the moment, too much cloud, but yes,I do quite a lot of Moon gazing
I always think of the moon as an "it". somehow seems more fitting!

Take care of yourself AR, and keep in touch.Let me know if I can help with anything.If I don`t know , I can soon find out !

Lurcher

Hi Lurcher of direct Lupine descent, Thanks for the marvellous tip of the Plastecene - I suppose Blutak would also work. I shall send you all the other grappling problems I have - but I think that the sticky stuff at the end of a cane or stick is wonderful. How about drawing curtains without falling headlong through the windows? I suppose that I could have those special fittings done which have expensive cords, but that is not possible unfortunately. The moon surely is a she - otherwise why would lupines serenade her? I have just found the smiley so I can now use that to address you - or perhaps I should ask your permission!!(I thought you had made it up and was very in awe of your computer skills!) Regards.AR

Hi AR!
Glad the "sticky stuff on the end of a cane" worked OK, the same sort of thing with a longer cane with a coathanger type hook at the end of it might help with the curtains. A loop of material sewn to the inside edge of each curtain, and push or pull `em where you want!
(Better than falling thro` the window )

No, for me the moon is definately an "it"
It`s a cold, barren place with mystical properties, and that`s the sort of place us Lupines like. Away from the maddening crowd, and all that!
Me, Computer skills,now there`s a laugh!!!
I`m one stage up from a complete beginner, and likely to stay there! Still, I get by, but am far behind a lot of clever people you find on h2g2. I think I`ve lost too many brain cells, AR, to improve much!!
Not that that is too important. The thing is to communicate, and you don`t need highly developed IT skills to do that
So, keep `em coming AR, I enjoy our chats,

Talk to you soon
Lurcher

Hi Lurcher, You are a mine of information. Thanx so much. I now must get someone to take me to the DIY shop where I can buy a long pole and fix a hook on it so that I can close my curtains without precipitating myself through the windows. Would you really like to go to the ? I would be very fearful of the trip there. Were you alive when they first went to the on that wonderful It took me about three years to work out where Appollo (I think it was called) was positioned. I eventually had to stand next to the TV on my head to get it into perspective!!! Perhaps that is why I am in a wheelchair now!!. It is good to chat to you too. Go well and till the next time. AR alias the Corsican Bandit (would you believe it!!) Me. Never!!

Hi , I've missed your lupine missives. How are you? I have been having a ball meeting musicians, gardeners, and others who have a very excellent knowledge of computers. It took me 24 hours to work out that "pewter" was a synonym for my pride and joy. How slow can one get in one's old age? I've just been swimming - at a wonderful pool very near where I live. Do you swim? Or don't wolves swim? I'm sure they do.Particularly when it's I've just been guided to another fantastic smiley . That because I shall probably appear at the party with an eyepatch, in a wobbly wheelchair. I have not yet bought the pole with a hook on it - hope to do it tomorrow. Now the battery on my front door bell has given up the So lights flash in an eerie fashion when someone comes to call, but no sound. Everything is running down in this household!!. Kind regards. Ar1 the Corsican or bandit. I have no preference between these two unlikely but highly descriptive names. In fact I rather like both of them - so unlike this timid little

Hey AR/Corsican Bandit!!
Sorry it took so long to get back to you .
I did in fact reply to your earlier posting, but for some strange reason , it *Disappeared* No trace anywhere. This is the second time it`s happened, and I have no idea why!!
Anyway, to proceed.
Glad to learn you`re getting around on h2g2, soon grows on you doesn`t it?
Swimming, yes, I like it, not that I go very often though. Of course, us Lupines learn at a very early age (it helps get rid of the Fleas you know,
The eye patch/wobbly wheelchair mode sounds great to me, you will definately be the "belle of the ball"
Hope the pole idea works AR. let me know how you get on, and any problems that show up. Maybe we`ll have to do a bit of further development, but I hope not. As regards the door bell, I`ve had problems with battery operated ones before. Can`t beat the old fashioned Knocker, I say, nothing to go wrong
Incidentally, I must say, your smiley usage is verging on professional, you clever little Corsican you!!

See you soon AR, take care of yourself

PS Just remembered a question re Apollo/Moon...I applied to join the crew, but was turned down `cos I was too old!!!!

Hi Lucher of Appollo fame - or lack of perhaps. Would you REALLY like to go to the .? I know, that being of direct lupine descent you have a certain affinity for the lady of the night. But I would be scared stiff of going up into space. But then neither would I like to go in a submarine. I am a great admirer of people with courage - of which I reckon I have none!!. As a child I used to be fascinated reading the lives of Mallory and Irvine and have been very interested to see some TV programmes on their last ascent just lately. Oh incidentally, last night whilst I was cooking, I heard that there is going to be a repeat of the programme on Douglas Adams this coming Saturday at 8 p.m. I was listening to the radio 4 programme so presume - never presume in research - that it is on the same channel. I've had a failry boring day, and after I had got the groceries did not have time to go to the DIY shop as my carer had to go and look after someone else. My problem is that although I can drive I cannot get from the car to my front door by myself. Have you got any ideas for a good pair of skates which would get me from these two points of entry/exit? Nothing that would land me splat on the pavement though!! oh well, I shan't bore the Lucher of the any further. Go well and keep those fleas under control - they really itch don't they? Ar, the boring CB or ,PS Do you remember who taught me how to do the smileys? I'd like a few more though.

Dear Have I offended you by querying your desire to go to the ? I just know that I would be so frightened of going in a , even to get to where I wanted to go!! I was being very prosaic about it. Mea culpa. I have just found my "lost" run name of also ran. Paper lady is quite right in saying that it is a term which comes from racing. I have practically always run second, or third except for gymnastics and art when I came stone last. My worst Also ran was when I was one of ten swimmers chosen to train for the 1948 Olympic Grames, and for three years faced cold and rain etc. etc.swimming for endless miles and in the end, the country I was hoping to represent did not send a women's team because a chaperone was needed!!! Anything else has paled into insignificance since then!! Except of course that swimming is now the only sport that I can now do, so some good has come out of it. Oh dear Panglosse again!! And I am of the feminine gender, which I do not mind anyone knowing. I had a peep at your page yesterday and am not surprised that you are bored with my constant demands for help with various , earthly problems! I must admit that I quite often dream that I am bouncing along a beach, or joy of joys, surfing again in wonderful waves which tickle my nose nose and speed me towards the beach with crashing intensisty. Bliss heavenly bliss. I hope that you will find time to come down to my ly level and write me a few lines of lupine philosophy which has done so much to brighten up my rather mundane life. and I promise NOT to ask you anything ordinary again. And of course you can go to the as often as you wish. Incidentally have you managed to estalish any more wolves in Devonshire? Greetings from a chastened AR.

Dear AR !
You could never bore me in a million years!
You have packed more into your life than most people I know, and continue to do so, with a smile on yor face
What`s more, I shall be offended if you stop telling me about the problems that you encounter from day to day, I honestly wish I could REALLY help you to get over them, But I would still like to try, so there!
And ,while on the subject, you could not offend me , ever. It is not in your nature. As to being an also ran, I have brought the process to a fine art!! (but I`ve given a few people some anxious moments!)
As I suspect you have
The Moon, well, it`s appeal to me something else. I`d be there like a shot. given half a chance. Not all trussed up in protective clothing though. It would have to be without any barriers. OK, the conditions might be a touch extreme, the lack of atmosphere an inconvenience, butI wouldn`t let that stop me
You may have noticed, on my page,I`ve been working on Instantaneous Travel. Well, (you are the first to know !) I have finally solved all the problems, and now am conducting extensive trials to various locations. No problems encountered as yet. My first venture, off planet, will of course be to the moon. I will keep you posted
You will know by now that I am quite mad, but they said that about Orville and Wilbur Wright. And look what they started!!
I`ve just taken it a bit further
As regards the Wolves (it is Derbyshire,AR,not Devon) progress is a little slower. I have found several suitable locations, sufficiently remote, but there is a long way to go yet. I might have to appear myself from time to time to clear the area of tourists that will insist on tramping all over the Peak District, leaving Coke bottles and other litter around. We`ll get there ,eventually.

So,sliding back into reality for a moment, no more apologising AR, or I`ll come and let your tyres down

Talk to you again soon
Look after yourself

Lurcher

PS I think that after all the work and training you did to make the Olympic team, and then have it snatched away, for lack of a B****Y
chaperone, is diabolical. Tell me it couldn`t happen now!!

Dear , I have been looking for an answer to my last letter which I thought I had posted on your site and there is still nothing.Perhaps you did not get it. Perhaps you are ill, or away, or tired or - something or other. I went to a very interesting meeting in London yesterday but was very disappointed with the outcome. but I saw the Christmas tree outside the Houses of Parliament which for housebound me was a great thrill. The hook on the pole is working beautifully. Yesterday I had to get my wheelchair onto a terrifying lift which went round a corner of a flight of stairs and left one gazing into a great big void. Horrid. I wonder if you have got lost in the woods in Derbyshire? Perhaps you were meeting some of your friends. Do you bark or just grumble? It was St. Francis of Assisi who had a great many friends amongst the lupine fraternity. I have actually stood in the cave in La Verna where he slept with his lupine friends!! I would have thought that it would have been dreadfully uncomfortable, but he would have been very warm. Incidentally does gravity still operate in water? I hope to hear from you very soon so that I can have a on my face again and not feel . From the aged ess.PS I wonder if it can still happen - not sending a women's team because they need a chaperone? I should not think so. I am looking forward to the Olympic Skiing. I have never been on a pair of skis but I simply love watching it. They are SO brave on those terrifying downhill runs. I am not so keen on slalom. Bye again.

AR!!!!!!
I`m finding you all over the place now, Brilliant

No, I`m not ill, but I have been darting about all over the place!!
Sorry about the meeting , I know you were looking forward to it. Can you say what the problem was? Not to worry if you can`t
You never cease to amaze me AR!! You`ve been in that cave!! I have never had that priviledge, but I can assure you that it wouldn`t have been uncomfortable, we fit together like pieces of a jigsaw
Sorry to hear about the problem wth diabetes, as if you haven`t got enough to contend with. But, as usual, you will cope, I`m certain of that.
Regarding skiing, I wish you could see me and some of my lupine kin sliding down slopes on our backsides! It`s a real art form, believe me.
Makes some of these down-hill racers look silly!
Glad to hear about the pole, (you`re not just saying that, are you?)
By the way, was up in the Derbyshire hills this week, and might just have heard a distant howl.But as it was the middle of the day, it could well have been something else.Like some ordinary mutt getting it`s tail caught in a door!!

Gravity still operates in water, unfortunately, but it`s effect is lessened by bouyancy, that is, until you stop swimming
Wonder whether you are still online
I`ll just take a look.
YES you are! I`ll post this Quickly!!!

Dear , Now I can sleep soundly I hope!!. I shall write again but I am very tired and very pleased to know you are well and howling. Like Amy, I shall give you a gentle rub between the eyes!!
Bye for now. AR1, the very sleepy ess.

Sleep Tight AR

Hi Mr. , another day, another dollar. Times flies when one is older. But I've had a good day. Went Christmas shopping and when eventually I found a parking place - in the second town I went to, my carer and I were able to do everything in a lovely store. Including getting all the latest Harry Potter specialities for the great neices and nephews. I also got some super goodies for help in my kitchen.Including another BIG set of tongs with much wider end pieces so that I can easily pick up paper from the floor.(I keep the blutak for toothpicks etc!) How many people know of Orville and Wilbur Wright I wonder? Mermoz was the famous French aviator. My father had a French aircraft in 1926 and held pilot's licence no 100 in the country in which I was born. But he came back from a wedding and flew into a tree and my mother forbad him to fly again. I had been born by this time.!! I saw a very ineresting programme on Ho Chi Min of Vietnam today. I was fascinated to see that he had been the chief pastry chef to Escoffier the very famour French chef. Wonders never cease. I would love to share with you my disappointment but not at the moment I am afraid. Go well dear of direct lupine descent. and a big from a rather dotty ess. I'm off to be fascinated by skill and ingenuity of the Naked Chef. Horrors! I think it is his last programme. and I really love watching him cook.

Hello dotty ess!!!
Sorry I haven`t been around much lately, your lovely postings deserve much better responses than I have been able to give as things are at the moment.

The fact is, things are a little difficult for me. I have a few problems that I have to deal with , which occur from time to time, the real and fantasy worlds of the Lurcher sometimes get mixed up! Given the choice, I`d go with the fantasy every time, but that isn`t a real option of course.
This is nothing new, and of no importance compared with what people like yourself cope with on a daily basis.I am ashamed even to talk about it.
I will be Ok soon, but whether I can regain the enthusiasm for h2g2 that I had, well, time will tell. Perhaps I have expected too much, or perhaps my mind set at the moment is wrong. Whatever it is, I am feeling very isolated on h2g2, I no longer feel part of it. Strange, isn`t it?
Anyway AR, I am sorry to "bend your ear" in this way, but I thought I should try to explain why I seem to ignore my friends.
It isn`t that I want to, it`s just that it isn`t always easy to " carry on as normal"
I hope you understand.
Shortly, if things follow the normal pattern, things will be back to what passes for *normal* for me. In the meantime, AR, I`ll be around from time to time. And whatever happens, I won`t forget you.

Be happy ,love

Dear dear of direct lupine descent. I was so pleased to see your reply. I have also been feeling very isolated and abandoned. I apparently made a silly mistake which no-one has bothered to explain or talk to me about!!. And life is too short to get upset about things like that. Of course I understand if you do not feel up to coming into this extraordinary world where one can occasionally meet fellow souls and feel at peace and at one with them and yet be totally isolated and rejected by others. But I suppose that is life. However I do think that one should hang onto kindred spirits and I shall always be pleased and tremendously uplifted to hear from you. Amy, Paper Lady has my email address should you ever wish to contact me directly. In the meatime dear take care of your special self and accept a good rub between the eyes. with much affection from the dotty ess.

Hi Lucher of direct lupine descent. Great. Thanks. The tip, of the pointer on the smileys was wonderful. I would have gone cross-eyed trying to work it out. I'll write soon. I have to go and cook my son's lunch. And mine of course. There was a wonderful programme on wolves this morning on the National Geographic Channel. Apparently there is a guy in France who has been living like St, Francis and making friends with them. There were the most beautiful lupine howls to the and I thought of other wolves I know roaming round the Derbeyshire hills and valleys doing the same thing.!!It must get pretty cold though. A big from the aged ess.