h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Blackberry Cat,

These days there is very little difference in the efficiency of private or public sector, mainly because most employ people at the top, on vast salaries, who know "diddley squat" about any business, let alone the business they are employed in.

"A Committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours" - Milton Berle

Reefgirl, With regard to Committees etc. the military get things done because they don't spend hours arguing the toss (well not at the lower levels anyway). Too many managers, directors and politicians follow this creed - consciously or otherwise

"Are you Lonely? Work on your own?
Hate having to make decisions?
Rather talk about it than do it?

Then why not .............
HOLD A MEETING

You can get to see other people, sleep in peace, offload decisions, learn to write volumes of meaningless notes, feel important and impress your colleagues, not to mention have a good lunch/breakfast etc. - AND ALL IN WORK TIME!

MEETINGS - the practical alternative to work!"

No Offence to anyone BTW but I bet someone is going to have a go at me

Websailor


PS. can we add "Banishing useless business jargon" to the Manifesto list please?

Scan,

You clearly hit a nerve with Apathy and stirred us all to life

Websalior

Scan, and even Websailor!! That makes 103 posts!!!!

Websailor


(got it right this time) must have been hungry

I totally agree with everything you said Websailor, I'm lucky enough to work the graveyard shift at work so I tend to miss most meetings and I don't get asked to attend anymore because

A) I'll demand overtime
B) I'll argue the toss over every little point for the sheer hell of it thereby encourage others to argue (My boss likes a little yes crowd at his meetings
C) I continually extract the urine, I wouldn't mind if these meetings had a point, but it's just a load of self praise for the company and my boss (who's name is O'Kill BTW, can you imagine the catering manager in a hospital being saddled with a name like that) doesn't like to hear complaints, so now I have to sign a form to show I've read the minutes of the meeting, I flick through them if there is anything worth reading I read it, haven't come across anything yet after 2 years

Reef, I've just got to laugh at that...

...I'd also say you need to get your resume together and find another job, with a boss like that!

I like the job it's got the hours I need and I very rarely get to see him plus he's not going to be around for too long methinks, we've had 3 in the last 4 years plus we all know his secrets

Ah.

The tells me all I need to know!

Websailor agree with post 101
business jargon and those stupid corporate team-building jaunts

I agree too BC, the only thing I do agree with is stress rooms where you can punch a dummy, it reminds me of an episode of Drop the Dead Donkey, they had a punch dummy that slowley got dressed up as George the usless editor, our dummy would have a long white coat or chef's outfit

Hi, all,

I could do with a punch dummy and a stress room, and I don't go out to work any more That's not to say I don't work - I think I work harder than ever now, and h2g2 is my stress room Thanks, folks.

I seem to be on the same wavelength as the rest of you in spite of being out of the rat race. I still encounter the rats, but I can ignore most of them now

Bosses come and bosses go, but things still go on as normal, which rather suggests they are not necessary at all

Websailor

BC, Nothing wrong with a bit of bonding, but I prefer to chose who with

It's bad enough having to work with some people, but socialising and team building and bonding

I have had enough trouble learning to live with my other half since he retired early

Websailor

Hi, all,

I don't mean to hog the board but as we all seem to feel the same about meetings, committees, reports and jargon I thought you might like a little exercise to try out. I can't do columns on here so you will need to copy and paste into columns to do it effectively. I thought it might come in useful for anyone who has to write a report etc. Forgive me if you have come across it before

Buzzwords For Managers

COLUMN I
0. integrated
1. heuristic
2. systematized
3. parallel
4. functional
5. responsive
6. optional
7. synchronized
8. compatible
9. futuristic

COLUMN II
0. management
1. organizational
2. monitored
3. reciprocal
4. digital
5. logistical
6. transitional
7. incremental
8. third-generation
9. policy

COLUMN III
0. options
1. flexibility
2. capability
3. mobility
4. programming
5. scenarios
6. time-phase
7. projection
8. hardware
9. contingency

The procedure is simple. Think of any three-digit number; then select
the corresponding buzzword from each column. For instance, number 257
produces "systematized logistical projection," a phrase that can be
dropped into virtually any report with that ring of decisive
knowledgeable authority. No one will have the remotest idea of what
you're talking about, but the important thing is that they are not
about to admit it!

Enjoy

Websailor

Websailor I agree
teambonding is neccessary but it tends to be a natural result of working in a team
the thing I hated back when I was in the civil service was they sent lawyers on team-building exercises but not us lowly support staff,although lawyers work on individual cases and us support staff did work as a team

I can't remember if it was meantioned....

But I think they should bring back dog liciences... well not just for dogs but for other animals too... there are so many irresponsible dog owners out there... that let their dogs go anywhere and don't pick it up... don't get me wrong I love dogs and even have one of my own pick its remains get picked up and don't end up on my shoes

I know- around here we have a huge problem with dogs getting dumped when their owners don't want them anymore. It's heartbreaking, not to mention dangerous for both humans and animals.

I think the dog licences are a good start, but there should also be a mandatory microchipping program for pets- cats, dogs, and basically anything else that's big enough for the procedure. Collars can be lost or removed, but the microchip is in their skin for good, and will be able to tell the animal control that found it who the owner is.

Captain and Scan,

I agree with both of you. Another one for the Manifesto I think More and more people have several dogs and often don't look after them as they should. The mess on the streets and in parks is disgusting, and dangerous for children. Cats also are kept in threes and fours, now, not one, like it used to be. They are constantly going missing, and both dogs and cats are regularly stolen.

The computer chips would make it easier to trace an owner, whether to return the pet to it's home, or to discipline owners who do not take sufficient care. If they consider Pet Passports are OK, then why not compulsory chipping.

Websailor

I know!

In Akron, they're having such a problem with feral cats that they have to euthanise any that aren't claimed within 24 hours. So they don't accidentally kill someone's pet, they're offering microchipping clinics for the month of September, at the cost of only $10. It's usually around $50, but I'd pay that to know my pet would be safe, and they would have an almost infalliable way to track me down to come and get it!

Incidentally, the microchipping process uses the same stuff as getting your ear pierced, so it can't hurt much more. They just lift up the skin on the scruff of the neck, give a little local anaesthetic, pop it in with what looks like an ear piercing gun, and the cat goes home with her owner. Very simple, and pretty painless.

To all, All my dog's are chipped cus its the best thing for them!

My dog's chipped, but it has slipped round to under her right armpit. Now there's nothing wrong with that, but when consider that beer's a... oh, sorry got distracted. any way where was I oh yes. There's nothing wrong with that, but not everywhere will check all over the dog's body for a chip, so she might be better off having a second chip put in. However if we do that she can't get a passport, so we have a choice of a second chip or a passport, but not both.

Passport?