h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This should warm you up.

Would you like chutney with that?

It's cool here, but in a hot sort of way.

The cool hot place where the oxymorons hang out.
Not to be confused with the common kind of moron.

Being a shy narcissist, I will not go rushing into that.

I'll just sit here, eating my oat bran cream puffs, humming my high-church Unitarian hymns, and contemplating jumbo shrimp for lunch.

Ah, those jumbo shrimps are good eating but what do you do
with the ivories afterwards?

Ivory Novello and Ivory Emmanuel are both begging you to stop.

Tes, but Merchant-Ivory is filming me in my debut as a pianist.

The WWF has reported you to the police for breach of CITES.

It's us that are the endangered species.

The WWF?

I didn't know that any World Wildlife were involved in funding this thread.

They have an undercover squad. You are being secretly filmed from a pixel at the top left hand corner of your screen. Such pixels are expensive and take a lot of funding.

I think Panorama are going to make a documentary about it.

Are pixels those funny little men with pointed hats?
Try as I might I can't see one unless he's
behind the e.
Come out you little b*gger.

I thought pixels were of indeterminate gender, like Smurfs?

Oh my gosh, who let those Smurfs in to the room.
We'll have the Dickens of a job to keep them from singing.
Once the word gets round Pinky and Perky will be next.

Lots of
for anyone who happens to wander in.
Hope you had as good an Xmas as I did.

I had a lovely Christmas.

My sister-in-law got all her recipes for Christmas dinner out of "Bon Appetit" magazine this time.

Lucky you!
I just looked at their web site and I'm already drooling over their cornmeal buttermilk pancakes.

I can't make pancakes. I mess them up every time.

Neither can I much to my chagrin.
My mother made wonderful thick, tasty pancakes but sadly I never thought to ask her
for the recipe.