h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*looks shocked and worried for Homer's safety*

Well, if he hadn't been causing riots in Bangkok, inciting revolutions in Gib, trying to highjack planes to Cuba, etc. etc.....

he wouldn't have been in any danger !

btw: parrot fans want to set up a Homer fan club, want to be Presi ?

sure, although i'd prefer them to set-up a spook fan club

All those birds after you rather than you running around after Homer....

Just find Homer before he does anything else !

There was a bright green bird flashing past my bird feeder this morning. He seemed to be chasing females of every variety. Could Homer be in Wisconsin?

If I find him I promise not to eat him. Really.

Look. I don't really want to be the one to break this news to you guys, but Homer is no longer a Parrot.

As his personal qua...physician, I have to tell you that he is in fact a trans-speciesist, and he is currently undergoing the final stage in his transmutation into the semi-sentient being of his demograph of choice.

Under normal confidentiality rules, I would tell you nothing of this. However, due to the extreme nature of the publicity engendered (unfortunate word!) by his disappearance, I thought I should give you these words of reassurance.

Be comforted by the thought that, however strange his new persona may appear to you, it is what he wanted.


Dr Sy Coe MA MSc PHD DIPSO and bar

ahh Dr Sicko i presume,the very one that frequents the folders arms BAR????,pray do tell of this paranormal potty parrot that is going to transmutate into a demograph of it `s own choosing

Sir,
I know <0 about this strange faux-Dr "Sicko" of whom you speak so lightly.

I may not be prevailed upon to further disclose confidential details which are given to me, and me alone, under the conditions of my Hippocratic Oaf.

However.... is that your wallet lying unprotected on the table....

No, it is your wallet, Doctor, and it appears to be full of snapshots of parrots in bikinis. Green ones.

Ahem. This can easily be explained. Certain of my, er, patients, require visual evidence of their painful progress towards what they perceive as normality. Now, may I buy you a drink for your, er, trouble?

Dr Sicko,this small matter of snap-shots of birds in different shades of green bikinis....hey up she`s not wearing one,just where did you get them and don`t say it was in Port Said cos they don`t have that sort of thing there`as for the matter of a wallet????

Hang on, it's ok, I think this is just parrot money.

Cheers doc, i'll have a large gin & lemsip (hic)

Snr Wing, I fear you have mistaken me for some-one else. The name is Sy Coe. Quite a different kettle of Parrots, as I think you will allow, to a Sick One.

All who take medicine to its limits are subject to the railings and tittle-tattle of the hoi-polloi. It has no efffect on me.

And now, I fear I must leave. My Patients await!

Barperson - my tab, please.

block the exits, don't let him escape until he tells us where he got...










(drumroll)








Homer's Wallet!

barperson has slipped double dose of lemsip in the ailing1's tankard - this sick mouth will feel like parrots on toast in the morning - with ketchup of course.....

But a punch of pretty fowers might make a difference.

Homer's wallet would help too....

It's Ok scarlet Lady, I still have the wallet.

Maybe the contents will give a clue to his whereabouts.



Hmmm.....

A lewdly decorated bangkok matchbook

Two hundred parrot dollars (that parrot queen is quite an exhibitionist!)

And ...

A packet of parrot sized condoms (extra sensitive)

.....Well, maybe not.

Spook, why do you want that parrot back, he's a pervert!

and a one-time pirate....

Maybe Spook wants to ghost-write Homer's book... think of the film rights and the exotic locations !

.....not to mention all those green bikinis....right i think it`s time our friend was interrogated further,we`ll start by pulling his feathers out

are you sure it's Homer and not Homer's brother, Herbert!