h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Get lost antigravitas you creep.

Oh well it seems like yet another of my posts has been yikesed here. The one before blicky's. I hope it wasn't you Vicky. Maybe it was antigravitas? If it was you, ok.

Please I really would like to be friends with you again. I'm sorry for that 'nutting off' thing as you call it. I know I'm really difficult. It's because I'm such an emotional person. I'm absolutely hopeless at the chit chat thing. I'm totally useless at it. You know you are also difficult in a different way.

I generally really like difficult people though, even if things are stormy. I've probably got to close to you, if you can understand that, even though its the internet. But even though I've felt incredibly angry with you for the stuff you come out with about gay people, as much as you feel angry with me for your perception about me attacking your family, which i wasn't intending. Like I said, you are fully revenged.

I don't have the same attitude to my family as you do because its been the cause of so much hurt to me.

I'll try to feel less close to you, which is a problem I have when I get friends with some people.

I'm feeling a bit better now I've started chatting to JEllen, another bipolar. She understands about the over sensitivity thing, which is a big relief for me. So few people understand that. I know it has confused you. But it wasn't done with malice I can assure you.

I really am a good person you know. And I think you are to.

Yeah Vicky, you should know that you have hurt me with all that homophobic or whatever stupid pc name it has, more than you can know. I seemed to have hurt you more than I could know with my last post. I'm sorry.

And now I have a variety of people attacking me for being emotionally difficult.

Please I implore you Vicky do not carry on with that stuff. I'm really serious. You have no idea how upsetting it is.

It seems from what you said that you had some personal bad experience with 'homosexuals'. I can understand you being upset by that. Much as I've had some really nasty stuff happen to me from Christians. But although I say stuff against Christians, I've never held that against *you* personally. I'm thinking maybe you don't hold the bisexual thing against me personally.

I don't know whether you want to talk more to me again after what's happened. But if you do I'm more than happy for you to talk about those bad experiences of homosexuals if you want?

To be honest I am so upset about all sorts of things. Not just on h2g2. it's hard to think straight about anything. I hardly know what I'm saying at all...

<>

Well of course I don't! None of it.

<>

Honestly, I am leery, because I find this kind of cycle immensely emotionally draining. I don't feel I can confide anything personal again, I am sorry but that's just the way I feel about it.

Vicky

This post has been removed.

Dear Vicky,

It's genuinely very difficult to write this because of very many complex, complicated, mixed emotions.

I want to move on after this horrible ban. And I want to apologise to you. I'm so sorry for the hurt I caused you in making that comment about your brother in post 210, and its affirmation in post 211. I'm not just apologising to you to gain some sort of absolution for myself, I hope you feel better, because of this apology.

I found the knowledge of your brother's suicide very difficult because I felt so emotional about it. I think I took it too much to heart personally, because of my own problems. That partly explains, but doesn't excuse my lashing out at you in post 210. I was thinking about my own feelings. And that was ridiculous because I know nothing of you or your brother's circumstances. The thing is if you have those kind of intense feelings it's hard not to identify with someone else who is prone to such intensity. I'm sorry that happened. I'm just trying to explain maybe why, but not excuse it. The thing is when you are prone to suicidal feelings yourself it's hard not to almost feel a certain irrational camaraderie with someone who did it. Like a true brother. I can't entirely put it into words. It's too deeply emotional. You can't help but feel a kind of love for this person you never met who maybe suffered like you did. A connection. I'm trying to be very honest with you about why it has affected me so much. I hope it helps.

As you know by now I am an excessively emotional person. So I can't not feel things like this. There's so much I would need to explain to you about it that I wouldn't feel comfortable to do in public. But maybe its explained a bit to you why I have behaved so irrationally since I got friendly with you. I think you can take it on trust that I'm trying to apologise properly.


Efffers; flying ants.

Vicky it is most important for you to know that I didn't just write that apology to you because of the eds' warning message to me today, about the probationary period.

I wrote it last night. It's absolutely what I think and feel personally.

As is my post on the PSTD thread.

Sorry, that should be *PTSD* thread. Seriously. With everyone I have close and regular contact with on h2g2, I want to concentrate on the positives. I've always felt bad about that PTSD thread because I've posted stuff there in the heat of the moment. That's what I'm like. The next day I don't think it at all. This is the side of my character I *must* get under control or I will be banned permanently. And I would deserve it.

I'm going to be cooler in my posts from now on, most of the time. Which I must be.

Despite everything I still consider you my friend. (Though god knows what some may think about me saying that? )

Effers, hey, it's so good to see you back!

Thank you so much for the apology, the thing is, I understood at the time, I think, why you said what you did - although it's good that you've explained it to me and I know you're a deeply feeling person...

(The thing is, I am too! That's what makes it hard...)

Still, I am so glad to see you back, it's been so boring without you!

Vicky

Thank you. Yes it's good to be back.

Unfortunately it may continue to be a bit boring even though I am back.

I think in general I need to be a bit more boring in some threads. Or maybe post less in certain threads. Because I don't want a permanent ban.

But I'm pleased you are pleased, that I'm back.

I quite understand, but it is so good to have you back!

I am going to bed in a minute, but I just had to say how good it is to see you...

Vicky

You know I'm not a theist, but I completely validate much of what theists say because of the emphasis on relationships and feeling fundamentally 'loving' towards others. You and I are not so far apart in our basic philosophy towards others, even if we often fail in our desire of how to behave to others. Once again I will say I don't want to go into any 'deep' explanations about my feelings in public. It's not appropriate on a forum like this to go into all sorts of complicated explanations.

I continue to disagree with a lot you say, which I know you know. Though I think you basically respect my viewpoint, as I do yours, because its based on integrity, and what we think and feel is best for the happiness of others.

We may disagree on the basics of things like Jesus rising from the dead and being ressurected. And I'd like from now on, here-on-in, to accept reasonably that we both have different views on this. But fundamentally we are both good hearted.

I'm quite wary of posting too much on some of those actual religious type threads for the time being. But I felt the need to tell you that I still disagree with much of what you say. That's just a normal thing that people often do with each other. And it can actually be very interesting to disagree with others, without turning very hostile to each other.




Effers; flying ants

Actually Vicky, I'm not sure I entirely agree with what I posted there earlier. It's a bit Neville Chamberlain for my liking on reflection. I do want to emphasise most strongly my absolute disagreement with hostility and judgmentalness to gays of either sex, providing everything done involves consenting adults who choose freely to do what they do.

My own views about relationships are very much about loving someone, and sex becomes part of an expression for love, even though it might be with a male or female. As you know I am bisexual. I have had long term relationships with both. Love is always fundamental for me. In some ways I'd say I fall in love with the person and they just happen to be one sex or the other. But I know that's not the same for everyone.

Sex being part of love is a natural, instinctive feeling thing for me, not something I feel I ought to do. And I know others are different to me.

I'm concerned to clarify this with you, because I've now had a chance to read much of the back log from when I was away. I did read some whilst away but not in much detail. So now I've read stuff I don't want you thinking me wanting to be friends with you is at all 'appeasing'. You know my strong negative views on appeasement as a policy.

I still very much want to retain this connection with you, but based on an honest understanding of where we are both coming from. It's about 'respect' which is always important.

As I said I'm keeping away from posting on those threads as much as possible for a while as it can get quite intense. If you ever want to discuss things here in an objective fashion - fine. I've explained I can't be so emotional about things anymore on h2g2. So it would be more calm and thoughtfully, civilised based, and without the defensiveness of feeling people are coming at you from all directions. You should feel safe. But *absolutely* no pressure. It's an option at *some* point if you want. And you absolutely shouldn't feel you have to say anything personal about yourself.

Thanks Effers for your messages, and yes, I do respect your points of view, where they differ from mine.

I don't expect you to come round to my points view (unless some time in the future you want to of course) because it's always completely down to you.

I want to apologise that I've said some hairy things about gay people.. I was feeling really defensive, and I've got very OTT. It's stupid of me at the very least! It took Nicky to remind me that homosexuality is no better and no worse from a spiritual point of view than any other (unacceptable) behaviour, such as pre-and-extra-marital sex. (Something which I've done as you know, and therefore I've no room to talk! )
Today (at 02.00 hours!) our daylight saving has ended, so we got an extra hour, something for which I was well grateful! An extra hour's lie-in on a weekend is always welcome. It's cloudy outside but it's still warm. During the week, as I leave for work, I hear a cock crowing - someone nearby is ignoring regulations and keeping chooks, which is what my parents did. Good on them, if they have a big enough backyard!

It's Sunday afternoon, I've got a heap of emails and last night we saw one of the best films *ever* - the DVD of the film of 'Night Watch', book one of a fantasy trilogy set in modern-day Moscow. It was completely awesome! During the week, I received a gift, a DVD of films featuring Roger Moore as The Saint, from the early 60s... One of my Italian friends is so utterly obsessed that his Gmail name is Simon Templar, and he sent it me... If only it's as good as Night Watch, but I just know it won't be..

Still, TTFN!

I fully understand about appeasement, and I respect your second message, that you wanted to make your views clear.

Vicky

Oh yeah, let's get away from 'sexuality' for a while for god's sakes, we're never going to agree on that. But I'm pleased you fully understand the 'appeasement' thing.

I'm looking forward to watching the Bahrain Grand Prix shortly. Lewis is only 3rd on the grid. But he's generally good at the start. I absolutely love the start of a Grand Prix as they jockey for position and sometimes collisions occur which are exciting. Obviously not that I want anyone to get injured of course. But that moment when the lights turn green is just so brilliant. It's a shame you can't get it on 'terrestial' though). I presume you watch it sometimes though? I really am a sports fanatic in general though. Even golf sometimes. Well the 'majors' anyway. As well as football and rugby, I also love sports that go on for hours and hours, like cricket. (We don't get though unfortunately anymore on terrestial at present. And I love tennis matches that go on for hours. And I have to admit I enjoy watching mens' more the womens - it's more dynamic.

It snowed here last night, but its already melting unfortunately. My cat had the shock of her life this morning, as we haven't had snow for ages. I'm hoping stuff I've planted already won't get badly affected.

Yeah the 'Saint' is quite good fun. I wasn't keen on Roger Moore when he was 007. But I love Daniel Craig, the present one.

Right I'm off to watch the build up now for the Grand Prix.

By the way did you notice the subject heading? I did have you on mine since I re-did my list the other day, but have now removed you, only because of all the 'removing' and 're-adding', we've done. But don't worry - if things carry on being okay, you'll be back. And see, I can do chit chat...

Actually the lights don't turn green, that's me driving, I like that personally as well. The lights go out suddenly on grand prix, don't they.

Last night my son 'watched' the live timings on his computer, starting at 23.30 (!) and then came in and woke me to tell me the result (my fault, I did ask...)

There was a Pole on pole, Robert Kubica (yes, the TV motorsport guys made that pun, all day it seemed. Lewis was down the result table... but Leon was thrilled about Massa's win. (The only way he could possibly be happier would be if it had Alonso!)

I plan to have a sneaky look at the Formula one site as soon as I can, but for noe, I gotta go and (pretend at least) to do some work!

The GP season has got under way. It's impossible yet to make any predictions, but I still say, Kubica is a rising he's one to watch!

Vicky

Shut up about Kubica, and Massa . I don't want to hear any more about that embarrassment of a race. Lewis was hopeless off the start, then shortly bumped into the back of Alonso. Had to go into pits to have the front of his car replaced. After a 10 minutes he's down to 18th. I changed channels to a film about the Russian revolution. I can't bear to watch the racing now if Lewis is out of contention. It was okay to watch it all in the past since Damon Hill retired, but once a Brit is in with a chance of the world championship, I can't bear to watch it after it's clear he's coming nowhere. I do like watching stuff often for the sport, but sometimes my ridiculous patriotism gets the better of me.

Why Leon should like that idiot, Alonzo is beyond me.

Lewis is fast turning into an embarrassment. It's amazing how good the BMW cars have suddenly become.

Enjoy your pretence at work. I'm now watching football on Match of the Day.

Okay! Enjoy the football...

I just had a look at the Lion Joke thread on your PS, (hope that's okay...?) and I saw you mention the sloth! Fascinating creatures, though as you've said, not very telegenic!

Vicky