h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh blimey I was intending to go.

Have no worries.

I'm not really interested in the past as I keep telling you. That was all about trying to make sense of what others kept saying to me about you, which was really doing my head in.

I've forgotten half of it already.

I *don't* want to get into it anymore.

Trust me, I'll always be honest with you about stuff.

Once again, goodnight.

Phew, I certainly don't want to get into it either!

I just heard on the radio, the Chinese are making a version of Ugly Betty (do you know that show?) It's going to be called "Invincible Ugly Woman" - that's me!

Have a good night...

Vicky

Vicky I think it's quite important that I'm *absolutely clear *with you about all this stuff happening of late. Please *read* this really carefully because I have taken a lot of trouble to be as clear and honest as possible.



Recently I became very confused by some people warning me of the risks of becoming friendly with you. I couldn't see it myself. And actually ended up by feeling my mind was turning inside out by seeing things from the different points of view of various people, who had my best interests at heart.

So I went to 3dots and started the thread, on his space, 'Show me your *hard* evidence'. I was feeling so confused I wanted to judge for myself what people were going on about. He posted that link to a comprehensive load of stuff about the past, to do with you and others. I've had a good long look, and read of quite a bit of the stuff. The detail is fairly irrelevant to me. The general impression I gained only confirmed what I'd already surmised about your confusing, difficult, contradictory and all round difficult online persona. There were no surprises really. We then continued to communicate on the thread, on his space, 'Thank you'.

Now that I've had a good look at the stuff, I'm done with it. So you the person, now, in the present, I've become more friendly with, does actually seem to equate with the person I've seen through looking at past interactions, and complications to do with 'Della war' stuff and before. From my reading of things there have been *no* surprises about you.

So now I'm as clear as I can be, I want to return to what I've always said to you. I don't want to know about your past. I don't want to know all the ins and outs of maths or math wizzard. Like you said something to me about math rather than maths, presumably some significance about the American spelling, and what that signifies? I'm not even the slightest bit interested in that little detail, or what you think that means. I don't want to know about wraith/apparition,etc etc; all your many past user names, sister stuff or not? death threat, racist terminology, fake blicky account, etc etc etc. I've read it *all* in its long, long drawn out macabre horror and grizzliness, on that link from 3dots.

And that's *it*, as far as I'm concerned. Finito. Unless any of that stuff should become relevant in a meaningful way for some unexpected reason, which I can't imagine, I don't want to ever discuss it with you, or hear about it ever. To dwell on it would only seem stupidly destructive and pointlessly backward looking to me. I am by nature an optimist. So dwelling on this stuff goes right against my nature. I don't want to know.

****I needed to look at it for *my* sanity because of all the advice and warnings being thrown at me.*****

NOTE, I said, 'The general impression I gained only confirmed what I'd already surmised about your confusing, difficult, contradictory and all round difficult online persona.'

I'm *not* beating about the bush with you. This is what you are like. And there's still some things I'm not certain about where you are really coming from. That's why I said to 3dots that I don't take you seriously in the way I do other people. Maybe that's not strictly accurate. I *do* take you seriously, but in a different way, because I always get this feeling that everything is 'provisional' with you. I have healthy reservations. I'm never quite sure where I am with you. Luckily I'm a person who quite likes a bit of disorientation and giddiness, and for some reason I seem to really like you.



***Please read, and re-read this post and make sure you take it in.*****

I noticed you made mention that Leon saw his old space on that link, 3dots posted, that was purely for my benefit to form an opinion about what people were telling me. I advise you not to get hung up on it, or Leon. Just forget it. Don't look at it anymore.

And I'm communicating just with YOU, Vicky. NOT you and Leon. You often speak of your son as if you and he were almost connected as one person. You are not. You are two separate people. And I NEVER want to get the feeling that I'm communicating with anyone but you. This is most important. Otherwise all communication between us on this thread, will immediately cease. I'm not stupid, Vicky, I will sense it.

I'd like a response from you to show you accept what I'm saying in these posts so we can be real friends. I mean that.

And then let's get back to having fun communication......

And I'm expecting you to give this thread your priority attention please when you come back. As I have given it mine.

I take all this very seriously Vicky. Relationships of all kinds are very important to me. And I'm really trying to honestly work through stuff.

I know you may have felt insecure in the past about people's treatment of you. You *don't* have to worry about that with me. And I don't want to have to worry about that with you.

Oh well it's very clear to me what your priorities are. A load of twaddle about chakras and the soul rather than something 'real'

To be expected.

Here I am! I was dealing with that soul 'twaddle' because I could do it quickly, I have been having the week from hell at work... Twenty million things to do, some of them actually impossible, and trying to tell Her in Australia that these things *are* impossible, and that I can actually do only a millionth of them...

So it's not that this isn't important, it is.

I am fully in agreement (or agreeance as they say in Australia) about the past. I was simply disconcerted that someone had gone to the incredible trouble of collating all that 'Della Wars' cr*p...

I don't understand why you think everything's provisional with me? Like previous generations used to say "I speak as I find", and there are no layers or head games. Really.

Vicky

I'm unsubbing.

If you wish, but why?

'And immediately there fell from her eyes as it had been scales: and she received sight forthwith,'

Seriously it's pretty damned tragic because you won't understand.

It's like when I tried to talk to you about the blackbird song, you just didn't get it.

So there's no point me attempting to explain.

You won't ever understand.

>No it's not possible for us to ever ever be friends.

Thats 100% the case.<

Post 3

And so the circle is completed.

Okay, what I expected has happened. It's got nothing to do with anything I've done, thought or said. It's simply that in the light of what those who claimed to be wanting to help you have told you, you've reinterpreted everything.

What twaddle!

Not my fault at all. In honesty, I'll confess I am relieved, the other shoe has dropped and I am free of all the drama, the walking on eggshells thing,and the fear of offending you if I put a comma out of place. It was getting on my nerves something awful.

The two elephants in the room, are your condition and my reputation as 'Death Threat Della'. DTD was an invention of certain people, for reasons which if I go into, the Mods will shatter me - but their motivation and what they have to gain by discrediting everything I say, is pretty obvious really..

I gather that your condition means that things assume an importance they really should not have - things like my having a tonne of work, and taking two minutes at the beginning of lunch to make a comment in a thread whilst leaving til later 5 posts from you that I knew would take 20-30 minutes to answer!

THe comma out of place, see?

Vicky

Needless to say I had no intention of replying. But I'm an extremely relating type person, and it's not easy to just cut off like I ought.

>The two elephants in the room, are your condition and my reputation as 'Death Threat Della'<

That's probably the most sensible thing you've said in ages; I'd add 'your condition' too.

It's not surprising this has happened. My condition, as you put it, or bipolar, as I would, means I am excessively emotional. It's also know as 'affective disorder'. 'Affect' being the medical term for emotion/feelings. And the little I know of Aspergers is that it is known for having a less than usual emotional temperament. So yes you might find all the 'drama' pretty difficult. Not entirely I think though.

Anyway it would be good to part on better terms. That's my preference. Naturally I will interact with you to a degree on those other threads.

And don't think I'm not well aware that you play on my best instincts. I do.

<>

If that's what you think, I really don't know why! You are everywhere talking about your emotional caring nature, as opposed, I presume, to me... But you don't know me any more than those who've declared themselves my enemy and set up that crazy web archive about the creature they have invented on a substrate of me...

My mother thought me excessively emotional. I have feelings and I am actually a very loving person. I was simply brought up to believe it's bad form to express excessive emotion.

I would never express my emotions on the interweb, especially in such a hellhole of suspicion and dislike as h2g2!

Vicky

Hey Vicky, I've finally done a fair bit of proper research on Aspergers. I do think that might explain an awful lot. I had thought it might be something more serious. (Now don't get all shirty with me). I'm one of those people who can't rest until I find the reason and explanation for something. I actually hope this is the explanation. And I've changed my opinion about cutting contact if this is the reason. But I'm still not certain; I will be keeping an open mind for a while. If this is the explanation, I think you should be a lot more open and upfront with people, about 'your condition' . I've learnt to feel much better on h2g2, since being really upfront about bipolar, thanks to Ed's encouragement.

Anyway, I now understand about the 'emotional' thing to do with Aspergers. My previous rather limited understanding, was actually quite ignorant and prejudiced. From my thorough research I found out that it's not that Aspergers people don't feel things as much as the rest of us, it's the inability to express and communicate it, to others in social interaction.

*'Being differently abled in this aspect of expression is often an implied negation of aspie ability to feel. More aspies than not feel a tremendous amount of empathy, compassion, sadness, happiness, and so forth. What is at issue is their reticent expression. It is not natural for us to communicate and to express our emotions in a social/relational context the way that it is second nature to NT's. It feels foreign. It is work and requires effort and energy.'*

From:- http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/adult_aspergers/114413/1

(Aspies = Aspergers. NT= Neurologically Typical)



The irony is that bipolars often express *emotion* to others only too well.. eg.

'Thus while he spake, each passion dimmed his face,

Thrice changed with pale - ire, envy, and despair;'

From Milton's Paradise Lost. Our faces are full of the emotion we feel within. ie, we communiate it only too well, and go on about it verbally, and textually on messageboards like here..

I've read that people with Aspergers have huge problems with maintaining relationships with others, because of all sorts of communication problems. We bipolars have similar problems, but for completely different reasons.

I found this article very useful in trying to understand things, as well as all the factual stuff on the UK official Aspergers sites.



Don't get upset about all this. I don't want to get into a argument with you about it, for now. On the contrary it's helped me understand an awful lot.....

By the way, my research on Aspergers emphasised that it's very much a broad spectrum condition, which would account for you maybe having it less severely and differently than others in your family. The broad spectrum is also true of bipolar.

It appears there's a strong genetic component. But there maybe some environmental factors involved. Again same as bipolar.

<>

Absolutely true! My nephew Robert and my brother's ex-girlfriend's son Jeremy are severely disabled. Mike and Leon much less so, and me - well, I'd never even heard of Aspergers until 1999. It wasn't until after 2004, when Mike was talking about it and admitted he and Robert have it, and Leon was diagnosed that I realised.

It may go back to my Mum, maybe, or maybe in her case, it was her up-bringing and that Scottish thing about looking good to everyone. (And the stiff upper lip.) My dad was English and no stiff upper lip there - I am convinced that's actually a Scottish thing!

Vicky