This is the Message Centre for paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 41

Pierre de la Mer ~ sometimes slightly worried but never panicking ~

But ... but ... but that would be like opening the xmas calendar too early smiley - yikes

smiley - pirate


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 42

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant


November 14

Happily, Lord Peter lost neither his health nor his coat. Once his stomach was pumped out, he recovered fast. Lestrade asked him some questions about Brilford.

"Sarah might not ant to mention this, but something happened to Brilford after his father died," Lord Peter said.

"How so?"

"Watching your father get killed by a Quality Oats truck will make you think twice about the company you've been making commercials for."

"Did he seem to want vengeance against Quality Oats?"

"Well, he was still under contract to them, and he never reneged on that, but you could tell he was pretty angry. It was around that time that he became interested in genetically modified crops."

"It interests me that your train of thought would go in that direction," Lestrade observed.

"I guess I need to spell it out," Lord Peter said with a sigh. Before Loki's death, I came to the bakery often for oat scones, and I always put caraway extract in my tea. The combination never bothered me then. Why would I suddenly pass out now?"


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 43

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

Pierce, I'm putting you on your honor not to read the episodes before the time is right. I think it'll all work out fine that way, so smiley - dontpanic

Looking ahead, I not that in years past Dmitri wasn't able to put my stuff into the Post after the end of November, so I pretty much have to have everything finished ahead of time, not only for Dmitri but for my adoring readers everywhere smiley - tongueout.


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 44

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant


November 15

A whispered "Psst" behind him led Lestrade to excuse himself and go to a corner so he could confer with Dimity without her having to show herself to the others.

"Let's keep the investigation on track, shall we?" Dimity said. "The burly man who went off with Brilford Whimsley and Fred Jackson should be visible on the shop's surveillance cameras. Identify him, and we should know more about the people involved in this."

"Good point," Lestrade said.

"Second point: obviously some substance in caraway products interacts badly with something that's in the oats now, but wasn't a year ago. It's probably not paracetamol, which is known to interact with caraway."

"Why is that?"

"Because that interaction is only seen in mice, not in humans."

"How did you know?" Lestrade exclaimed.

"I asked Jessica, who phoned Lorelei for confirmation."

"But that was absurdly quick!"

"Thank you. I told you, death has not diminished my sleuthing prowess."

"So, do you have a proposal as to where we go with this?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. The special oats that Brilford raises behind the bakery need to be thoroughly analyzed. Are they genetically modified to contain something that's innocent by itself, but lethal when mixed with caraway seeds?"

"That seems like a tall order, if no such interactions can be found in the scientific literature."

"I gathered that you'd say that, so I've taken the liberty to access my contacts in the spirit world."

"And?"

"Semele Labs has done more research on oats than any other organization. Lars Avena, the founder, told me so. He has occasionally haunted his son, who runs the lab now. Just a minute ago, he contacted his son, who is willing to look into the caraway interactions. he has followed the oat bran murders with some horror, and is happy to be part of bringing the murderer to justice. And you're welcome, Inspector Lestrade."


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 45

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

November 16

All of this was rather a lot for Inspector Lestrade to process. He had been on a whirlwind tour of numerous sites worldwide for almost two days, and he could tell from the hundreds of unread emails and texts in his cell phone that his underlings at Scotland Yard
needed him for the other cases that the agency was trying to solve.

He needed to delegate the necessary tasks in this case to others, so he asked Beth MacHamlet to look for surveillance camera footage of the burly man. Dimity was going to pursue the provenance of Brilford's lethal oats whether he asked her to or not, so he made the request official. He told Jessica everything he knew so far, and tasked her with coordinating things and keeping him abreast of new developments.

Dimity dropped him off at Scotland Yard, where he was insanely busy for the next two days.

On the third day, though, Jessica forwarded the burly man's camera footage to Lestrade, with a note that his facial scans had matched up with one of the suspects in the Crakkerjack Killer case. There was also a match with the mystery of the three little Kittens who lost their mittens. This latter case seemed like a snafu at first, until Lestrade realized that the burly man was with his toddler son at a reading of a children's classic in a store called ReadingPower. This suddenly looked promising, until Lestrade called the store (which was in Australia, of all places!) and asked for the man's name. Something about the name --Joey Gdaymate -- seemed fishy. It was probably an alias.

Lestrade turned his attention back to the footage that connected the burly man with the Krakkerjack murders. Here he seemed to be the boyfriend of one of the victims, a Miss Gwendolyn Chumsley. He turned to the casework on Miss Chumsley, only to find that the "boyfriend" was mistaken in his identification. He gave his name as George Windsor, another obviously fraudulent name. When Lestrade tried calling the telephone number the burly man gave, the peanut seller at the Fuffexshire Zoo answered the phone. Lestrade was about to tear out the little hair he had left, when he remembered that Dimity Marple Wibblescone hailed from Fuffex, and might be able to get the lowdown on this connection.

When he picked up the phone to call Jessica, Dimity was waiting patiently in front of his desk. "Oh, good, you've saved me time by averting a call to Off the Beaten Track," he said.

"Nice save, Inspector," Dimity said warmly. "You'll be a great detective yet!"


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 46

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant


November 17

"Having said that," Dimity went on, "there's an obvious question you *didn't* ask when you were talking to the manager of that children's store in Australia."

"I don't follow you," Lestrade said.

"That's why there's a problem. You didn't ask for the name of the child, or find out if the mother was there. Turns out the mother is Amelia Avena. Does the name ring any bells?

"Avena as in the Semele Labs?"

"Bingo. I asked Jessica to track this information down, and then I had Lars pester his son again -- don't worry, the son gets pestered so often that he's used to it by now. The Avena family is large and multinational, but a few genealogical societies were able to lend a hand. Amelia's husband, I'm afraid, is Mordecai Avena, Lars's third cousin once removed, and a major pain in the butt for the rest of the family."

"Meaning?"

"He's a brilliant psychopath who is suspected of using genetic manipulation to create all kinds of nasty things. You do *not* want to let him know you're even aware of his existence or capacity for doing harm."

"Which is why you've put the Cone of Silence around us as we speak," Lestrade said.

"Well, partly. The force field around us is masking the fact that we are currently in orbit around Saturn. From here on in, we need to be *very* secretive. His brilliance knows very few bounds. He could have found a way to track everything you have been saying in the last three days. Our playbook going forward will need to emphasize how stumped we are. In other words, your talent for seeming to be a clueless screwup is going to come in handy."

Lestrade didn't know whether to be flattered or insulted by this last sentence, but he figured that Dimity had the best shot at keeping secrets from this monstrous psychopath.


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 47

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant


November 18

The next day, Jessica called with the results of some lab tests that had been done on the shells from the oat bran cream puffs. "It seems that a new poison has been created from the interaction of oat bran and caraway seeds," Jessica summarized.

"But only Brilford Whimsley's oat bran, I hope," Lestrade said.

"Correct. The lab technicians are proposing to honor you by naming the poison Lestradulism."

"It warms my heart to know my name will be known to future generations. Or not. Can you find a way to remove those deadly oats behind Whimsley's bakery?"

"Actually, that's a matter for the Scottish authorities. I've alerted them, by the way, but they're skeptical about the danger. I'm sure most of them enjoy oat bread with caraway seeds, and they've never suffered any harm."

"Imagine the horror if those evil oats got into the general food supply, and interacted with caraway...."

"Let me ask Beth MacHamlet to see if the bakery is still using the oats."

An hour later, Jessica was back with bad news.

"Sarah Crocker says that huge bags of the oats have disappeared, as well as a bag of caraway seeds," she told Lestrade."

"By any chance, would you happen to know where the headquarters of Quality Oats is located?" Lestrade asked.

"Health Mountain, Pennsylvania, according to Google."

"I hope their plant has good security."

"I hope so too, for the world's sake."

"I will have someone from Scotland Yard warn them. I just hope we're in time."


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 48

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

[I've just finished writing episode 20, where things start to come together. When I started, I was making it up as I went along. That is still true, or course, but now there's a lot of opportunity for real suspense. I hope people are enjoying the story so far. I will have an excruciating pun for the last episode. I wonder if anyone can guess what it will be. smiley - winkeye]


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 49

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

November 19

l;estrade had a busy schedule the next day, so he wasn't amused when, shortly after 3:00 p.m. a certain vague buzzing entered his head. He didn't need to look up to know Dimity was back in his life. "Good news or bad news?" he said, not looking up from the paperwork he was going through.

"Not much of the former, I'm afraid," Dimity said, "unless you count the fact that Jessica
didn't drown and our case files are kept in a secure force field."

Lestrade looked up. Jessica was wrapped in a blanket. She looked thoroughly drenched.

"Let me guess," Lestrade said. "Vandals punctured your watertight ceiling, letting Quabbin Reservoir inundate your office. Well, now you can relocate to a more sensible locale, one with fewer fish."

"Then there's the vandalism at the lab where Aneva Avena was working on an antidote for Lestradulism."

"With a name like that, he must not know whether he's coming or going," Lestrade cracked. Dimity groaned. "Come on, Dimity," Lestrade said. "You never knock. You never ask whether I'm in any condition to deal with your case, important though it may be. Plus, today is grueling so far, and you've just made it more so."

"Okay, fair enough," Dimity conceded. "Aneva had a backup disc with *her* findings, and we have her in a new facility in the Himalayas."

"Has anyone been poisoned by Lestradulism lately?"

"No. It's just a matter of time, but that time isn't here yet."

Lestrade sighed. "Maybe some tea would be a good idea right about now. Do you have any wibblescones?"

Dimity smiled. "For you, I can always come up with some."


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 50

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

[I've just finished the episode for November 23, and will soon move on to the 24th.

Dmitri, I hope you are reading this. I know that you need material ahead of time, so it can go into the Post if you want it. You might not need this story, but if you do, I will have the episodes for November 16-30 ready fairly soon. I will post it in a guide article, so you can use it. If you want to]


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 51

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

November 20

Dimity got into her little car and disappeared through a hole in the force field. She was back three minutes later, but she had more than tea and wibblescones with her. She also had Lorelei and Beth MacHamlet. "Since events are moving so fast, I thought we could field our ideas together while we have tea," Dimity said.

"I might as well start things rolling, then," Lestrade said. "What we know so far is that
our primary suspect, Brilford Whimsley, somehow seems to have come unglued after his father was killed by a Quality oats truck. Apparently he wishes to get revenge on them."

"How does that explain the murders of three innocent French women and a high church Unitarian?" Lorelei asked.

"He may already have felt vindictive toward his mother for moving him from cosmopolitan Paris to some backwater in Scotland," Lorelei suggested.

"Excuse me?" Beth exclaimed.

"So, apparently Whimsley is the key factor," Jessica said. " He was boiling with resentment against Quality Oats and his mother. There's your motive. But how did he get the means and the opportunity?"

"Mordecai Avena may have given him the means," Jessica said. "Now we need answers as to what Mordecai would have gotten out of the deal by supplying Whimsley with genetically modified oats."

The phone on Lestrade's desk rang. He stepped out of the force field to answer it. His face fell as he listened to his caller. Back in the force field, he told the others that the stock for Quality Oats was in freefall after media reports that a hundred thousand people had become sick from eating their instant oatmeal in the last two days.

"I imagine that you could make a lot of money by shorting Quality Oats stock if you knew in advance that the stock was going to take a nosedive," Jessica said.

"Money is always a strong motive," Lestrade said. "But this doesn't explain why none of the sick customers died, while four people died earlier."

"Perhaps the toxin is dose-dependent," Beth said. "Mixing a little bit of oats and powdered caraway seeds would make people sick but not kill them. And the targets weren't of equal importance to Whimsley. He really loathed those poor women for resembling his mother. He had nothing against the people who bought Quality Oats products; he just needed a way to pay for developing the toxic oats. Mordecai gets lots of money from shorting the stock. Whimsley gets his revenge, plus some of the money, if that interests him ."

"How about Fred Jackson?" Lorelei wondered.

"Maybe just a paycheck," Jessica surmised. "Let's be careful going forward, though. We don't know if there are others involved. Whoever they are, they have the means to get into Avena Labs and ruin an experiment, as well as --AHCHOO! -- force me to swim for my life."

"Let's leave it this way, then," Dimity said, putting the cups and saucers back on the trolly. "We must assume that our adversaries are capable of hacking into our computers and tapping our phones. The only secure way to communicate with each is in this force field."

"We'll be seeing a lot of each other, then," Beth said. "I'll need a good cover story for my abrupt absences from the station."

"We all will," Lestrade said, getting up to go back to his desk.


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 52

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

[I've just realized that Jessica Fletch speaks even though she'snot there. Oops! I've amended the original file to include her among those who come with Dimiti.

Sorry!


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 53

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

Sorry, Dimity. It would make sense to be consistent about how I spell her name, wouldn't it? smiley - blush


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 54

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

November 21

The next morning, bright and early, they were back together discussing a host of new developments.

"It's amazing how a few hundred thousand sick people can make the powers that be take things seriously," Beth MacHamlet said. "I've just watched the authorities cut down all of Whimsley's oats and take them in for further inspection."

"That's partly my doing," Lestrade offered. "I called everybody I could think of. As soon as they heard about the oatmeal crisis in America, they decided to act."

Jessica was looking much more chipper this morning. "There's more bad news from Quality Oats." The others looked worried at this. "It's not what you think," she added. "There are massive recalls of Quality Oatmeal, so we'll probably not see many more sick customers. However, when the FBI went through the Quality Oats factory, they found that security cameras had been smashed."

"So, we won't have any footage showing us who the culprits were?" Lestrade asked.

"Oh, *I* know who they were," Dimity said. "But without camera footage we just can't prove it. I was there on a hunch the night the bad guys brought in barrels of bad oats and mixed them in with the good oats. Enough to make people somewhat sick, but not kill them. However, I did come away with an interesting souvenir." She held up a cell phone in an evidence bag.

"Does that phone belong to Mordecai Avena?" Lestrade asked.

"That's for you to find out," Dimity said, handing it to him. "Obviously you'll check it for fingerprints and hair."

At last! Something to tie things together and move forward.


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 55

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

[I'm up to episode 26. That leaves 4 more, and the case has essentially be solved. Most of the bad guys have been rounded up, with solid evidence against them, but the worst one is still at large.

That leaves four more days of bringing him to justice. This story wil end with a bang!

smiley - cracker

Not to mention a bad pun

smiley - groan

All in all, a reward for the intrepid researchers who have been reading along. :-0


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 56

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

November 22

"Don't break out the champagne just yet," Beth MacHamlet cautioned. "I think someone's trying to get into your office, Lestrade."

True enough, there was a loud knock on the door, followed by a jiggling of the knob. Lestrade stepped out of the force field and calmly sat at his desk while the others looked on. Through the door came someone from the Prime Minister's office. His name was Dylan Albion Fenwick-Thorne (known to his detractors as DAFT.)

"The Prime Minister is very displeased with you for wasting the public's money on a wild goose chase -- or in this case sowing rumors of wild oats," Thorne said grimly.

"The Prime Minister is frequently displeased about a lot of things," Lestrade observed mildly, not registering any distress.

"Can Thorne see us?" Beth whispered.

"No," Dimity said. "The walls of this force field are one-way. We can hear and see Lestrade's office, but to anyone in the office we are invisible and silent.

"But could we film what Thorne is doing now?" Jessica asked.

"Actually, this whole scene is being filmed right now," said Dimity, pointing to a corner of the office where a hidden camera was located. "The office was bugged until yesterday, when I removed the previous hidden camera and had Lestrade trace it to what he and I believe is Mordecai's lair. I've been there myself, unseen of course, with a hidden camera of my own. We will see what comes of that. Anyway, we now have a camera that Lestrade can access."

Thorne left the office. Lestrade came back into the force field and was brought up to speed on what the others had said. "Without a search warrant or other permission, you won't be able to use it in court, Dimity," he said.

"I know all that," said Dimity cheerfully. "However, I took some of Mordecai's surveillance cameras and hid them in the FBI's offices where the FBI was sure to find them and trace them."

"Did you know how to connect them so they led back to Mordecai?" Jessica asked.

"Lars's grandson helped me with that."
\
"I hope you didn't get fingerprints on them," Beth said.

"Ghosts don't have fingerprints," Dimity said. "They, um, uh-oh!" Her eyes grew very wide. Suddenly the force field vanished along with everyone except Lestrade, who found himself suddenly alone in his office.



Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 57

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant


November 23

"That can't be a good thing," Lestrade exclaimed. He had never seen Dimity upset or even at a loss for words. Watching her vanish along with Lorelei, Jessica, and Beth was a major jolt. Whatever the Great Beyond was like, he hoped Dimity was up to the challenge of fending off any evil spirits that might lie in wait for her.

He suddenly noticed that the blank ledger on his desk was starting to fill with words. An invisible pen seemed to be writing a message for him in blue ink. "Inspector Lestrade," it began, "permit me to introduce myself. I am Lars Avena. Dimity has told you about me. Dimity may be in danger now, though I am confident she will prevail. I would show myself to you in a force field like the one Dimity used, but it would come to the attention of certain adverse forces here -- call them evil spirits if you like, and you won't be far wrong. I don't want them to know I'm contacting you, hence this message. Those of us on Dimity's side greatly outnumber the bad eggs, but the psychopath you are tracking has aligned himself with some pretty powerful spirits. Again, I think Dimity can take care of herself. Just don't ask her what happened once she reappears. The powers that be here don't like their secrets known. Sincerely, Lars." The writing suddenly faded, leaving no trace.

The phone rang. It was Jessica. "Are you all right?" she said.

"I'm fine," Lestrade said, deciding to act as if it was just an ordinary day at the office. "We may be able to solve one of the forgery cases in Hyde Park, and we're getting further along in one or two others. How are you?"

There was a pause at the other end. "I see," Jessica said. "Will you still be needing our services?"

"I'll have to check with my other agents," Lestrade said, hanging up.

On a hunch, Lestrade checked his email. Sure enough, Lorelei had left a message asking if he was all right. There was a knock at the door. A messenger had a telegram for him from Beth MacHamlet. It seemed as though Lars was using different media for contacting each of the others about what was happening. Still, he considered Dimity to be the center of the team, and it was disquieting not to hear from her directly.

Maybe there were recent developments to catch up on. He brought up the web page where information pertinent to Scotland Yard cases was provided. It was the most secure of sites, so he needed to remember several passwords. He wracked his brain on the last one, but he finally got through.

The first news item jumped out at him: "Quality Oats' main office in Pennsylvania has been disrupted by poltergeists." The article went on to describe an episode of flying ledgers, tipped-over barrels of oats, and other malicious mischief.

Anything to slow down Quality Oats as it tries to recall its problematic boxes of oatmeal, he thought. And why did the news need to be on such a secure site? Wouldn't every newspaper and broadcast news outlet have it?

To prove his point, he tried accessing the Internet, which seemed to be down.

Uh-oh!


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 58

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

November 24

"This is a fine kettle of fish," Lestrade muttered, wondering when the disruptions would end.

Now he was aware of a rapping on his desk. Nothing visible seemed to be involved, so he
assumed it was something from the spirit world. After a few more raps, it dawned on him
that they were showing a pattern, namely Morse Code.

Sure enough, it was a message from Lars: DAFT IS A MOLE FOR MORDECAI. PROOF CONTAINED IN CREAM PUFF CRUMBS FROM SLAYINGS IN EVIDENCE ROOM. -- LARS

Lestrade decided to visit the evidence room and see how the cream puffs could possibly implicate someone as powerful and well-protected as Dylan Albion Fenwick-Thorne.

The functionary at the entrance to Evidence was skeptical when he heard Lestrade's request to take another look at the crumbs, but shrugged as if to say, "You want to waste time by looking at those again? Be my guest."

The crumbs themselves turned out to be tiny and insignificant, but Lestrade found something shiny mixed in with them: a small J-drive. Hurrying back to his office, Lestrade pulled out a spare computer that was not hooked up to the main computer. If there were moles around, he didn't want them to know he was onto their game. Sure enough, the J drive had camera footage of Mordecai plotting with DAFT and Brimsley.
How the device got mixed in with the crumbs was anybody's guess, but Lestrade suspected Dimity of planting it there, as it was unlikely anyone would expect Lestrade to go back to the evidence from a presumably unsolvable case.

Now for the knotty problem of bringing action against one of the most powerful men in Her Majesty's government, as well as foiling a brilliant psychopath.

"Have you considered going public with your information?" came a voice in front of him.

It was Dimity, in a hologram. Or, since she was a ghost, perhaps it was an ectogram.


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 59

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant


November 25

"Time and space on the other Side are different from what you are used to, Lestrade," she said wearily, "but loss of the freedom to move around is pretty much the same anywhere. I told Lars to let your team think I was being chased by bad spirits. I'm not. However, the powers that be are very strict about some things. I should not have let you know I had planted surveillance cameras in Mordecai's lair, or that I had witnessed the mixing of tainted oats with good oats at Quality Oats."

"So, are you in some sort of jail or cosmic equivalent?" Lestrade asked. Racking his brain, he was pretty sure his training and experience had not prepared him for this kind of eventuality.

"It's more like a time out," Dimity said. "But as long as the J drive you have had already been planted in the evidence room, there was nothing they could do to stop you from learning of its existence from a third party like Lars."

"Who will also be disciplined?"

"Oh, absolutely. But since we're already dead, at least they can't kill us." Dimity gave a rueful smile. "This hologram will soon be terminated once they find out I'm sending it. Just remember, Lestrade, that you are potentially one of the great detectives. You will
solve this case now that you have the clues you need. You always had this ability. I was just the little bit of a nudge that was needed to get you headed in the right track. My time out will end in 48 hours, so....."

The hologram abruptly ended. Busted again!


Off the BeatenTrack Detective Agency (Najopomo)

Post 60

paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant

[I have finished the story. The full text is here:

A87900258
]


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