h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

< in low key>

Swing low, sweet chariot... locked up so Paul couldn't go home.

Oh, that was funny!

To answer your question, Paul:

Back in the olden days, when I w**ked in a very fun art department, we liked to dress up for all sorts of occasions ... we loved themed birthday parties! Anyway, if Halloween fell on a day that we weren't w**king, we'd find the nearest day to Halloween that all of us would be w**king. That particular year, it was 4 days before Halloween, and since we put so much effort into our costumes, my friend and I decided to go out dancing. We never had that much room on the dance floor before!

The funniest part about this saga was that we tried so hard to get her keys out of the car, because she didn't want her husband to know she locked them in. I had my car there, and I could have driven her home for the spare set but no, that would have been too easy. Her back window was open about a half an inch, and even though her husband had installed locks that you couldn't hook a hanger around, we figured we'd try to crank her sunroof open through this little slit in the back window. We wandered around outside the place looking through dumpsters for something suitable (we couldn't get anybody in the club to help us ... they wouldn't let us back in without paying another cover charge ... we asked if any other Superwomen and green aliens had been there that night besides us, but they wouldn't answer). Anyway, I finally thought of the pole that holds your car hood up (sorry, this is getting long). We were able to open the sunroof that way, but her husband had also installed a screen, which was in the way. So here I am, on the roof of her car, all dressed up like Superwoman ... little red go-go boots and all ... prying up the sunroof of her car far enough to get the screen out ... She's hopping all around the car shouting in a high-pitched voice, "Oh, be careful! Don't fall!" ... and other people are arriving to go into the club. Nobody offered to help, but paused to ask things like, "What's the music like in there?" and "How much is the cover charge?" Nobody ever questioned what Superwoman was doing standing on the roof of a car! I finally was able to reach my arm in through the sunroof enough to reach the lock on the door by stretching out full length on the roof!

We were kinda Lucy and Ethel-ish.

Sounds like my kind of night.

That story is hilarious, Shea.

I just remembered an even *stupider* thing that I did when I was 8. It involved a duckling on my aunt's farm, and what I *thought* was a pail of water. (It wasn't water. It was kerosene .)

I have a similar story. I was driving an 06 prius, which has a smart key that allows you to start the car without the key actually in the car, it just has to be on your person. I started the car, realized I'd forgotten something and ran inside to get it. It took my jacket off because it was starting to get warm outside. When I got into my car and drove to work, I began to look for the key so I would not lock myself out. I then realized that I had started the car without actually putting the key in the car and left the key in my jacket pocket, at my house.

I guess I'm not as forgetful as I thought.....

I've only just gotten around to reading Shea's story about the car and the sunroof and Superwoman

That's just priceless, and it's an image which will remain with me to my dying day

It's the stuff of which myths are made.

(And mythters, too. )

What good is a myther without his mythsus?

That depends on what it depends on.

That depends on one's Depends, Poise and Serenity (undergarments).

*... and Noah was caught in the midst of a great flood... many waters swirled round about him*

I never figured out who built an ark for the *plants.*
Surely, when the waters receded, and Noah let the animals out, they would have needed to eat somehting besides other naimals.

There were seeds, Paul. :P


God told Noah to take 7 pairs of each "clean animal" on the ark... which would have provided sustanance and sacrifices until such time as food plants had time to re-grow.

"Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.

Of fowls also of the air by sevens, the male and the female; to keep seed alive upon the face of all the earth."


Also, after the flood, God gave Noah and his family permission to eat meat...

"Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you; even as the green herb have I given you all things."

... you see, previous to this event, God had designated a vegetarian diet for mankind when he first spoke to Adam.


Anyway, according to scripture, the flood marked momentous changes in the earth, and I'm just romantic enough and enough to believe it.

You are no doubt wondering what the animals lived on during that time.... well, the answer is simple.



Fruitcake.



It is believed that those same cakes are still circulating in an endless cycle of regifting amongst the descendants of Shem, Ham, and Japheth - Noah's sons.

Avenging Washcloth, you are suspiciously knowledgable about these Biblical events. I suspect that you are God, as no one else could have known the things you have just told me. I promise to start tithing right away. Do you like 20s?

...*steps upon her fruitcake...*
Hi every one! Long time no E.
This thread cracks me up~!
Oh, Paul H., how you tell a tale.
Last Summer I locked myself in my car.
I'm serious.
The worst part was after pushing everything I could think of, I looked over and a fellow I know was sitting in his truck, next to my driveway waiting to talk to me.

After I again pushed everything (we all know an idot is some one who does the same thing whilst expecting a different outcome)...HE had to tell me how to open my door~!

Jusssss goes ta' show ... there's never a nice big rock to crawl under when ya' need one.

I would like to find a big rock to crawl under some days.

If we were under the same rock ... it might not be so bad. We could sing harmony~!
Happy New Year~!!!

But, Pandora dear, we *are* under the same rock.

I could use a cuddle.
...talk about stupid things~!!!!!!! Why, oh why didn't any one tell me to get the sticker thingies for my license plates?!I mean, it WAS my birthday on Dec. 9th. ... I THOUGHT I mailed in the $ for the stickers.
I like stickers~!
I also like police men.
Tomorrow I get both~! Er, I mean, I get to SEE both.
The nice police man who pulled me over had the bluest eyes I've ever seen.
And poor fella' jussss hated when I started to cry.
Luckily he gave me a warning ticket, followed me to the store I was on my way to, and was waiting for me down the road ... we waved at each other as I went back home after shopping.
What a nice man. .............. and I was told those acting classes and the plays I was in be of no use~! HA~!
I'm a ba-a-a-ad girl.
okay - this year - all-ya'-all are gonna' remind me that the bio-logical-inner-clock is about to flip over .... ri-i-ight? Cuz THIS year I have to get a new liscense - one with my picture-n-stuff. A tart's w*rk is never done.