h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A couple of weeks ago I recieved a letter from HM Customs & Excise saying that under section 139 of the Customs & Excise Management Act of 1979, the tobacco that I had ordered from a company based in Portugal had been seized. Furthermore it would be liable to fortiture under Section yadda yadda yadda of some other Act, so yahboo sucks to you nah-nah-na-nah-nah

Oh, and if you try to import any tobacco products again, they too will get seized and we might decide to prosecute you. We've got your number now sonny-boy.

So I thought, sod it that's £74 just gone down the Swannee

Then I thought, sod it again, let's go to Belgium and buy some tobacco wholly legally and totally legitimately and bring it back home. Well that is exactly what I've done today. And here is how the butcher's bill stacks up...

- A day return ticket on the Eurotunnel: £45.00
- All in one car, travel & accident insurance: £12.00
- Petrol for c.300 miles of driving: £25.00
- 3 kilogrammes of 'Drum Milde Shag': £136.80
- TOTAL COST = £218.80

The price for the same quantity of that brand of tobacco at my local branch of Sainsbury's, some 10 minutes walk up the road - an eyewatering £495.60




...then I stopped off in Calais and filled that car with and saved even more money on the day

The joys of a combined alcohol and tobacco addiction, eh?

Nice move

GD, you'd make a good woman with that logic!!

If I buy all those things cheap.... Look at the money I'll save....



Bassman

On the booze element I'd say that you're right, when I look at all of the boxes of wine now cluttering up my hallway.

But as for the fags, no way. I feel like the druggy who just ripped off his dealer big time and got away with it. Which when you think about it is EXACTLY what I've just done


* waves hello to Gordon B *

The saving on the has come out at around 30% - so that's not bad

And probably makes up for all the agression I got from other drivers on the way home because my headlights were too high due to the excess weight in the boot.

I thought most cars these days had little knobs to adjust that out!! In fact only 1 (and I'm not 100% sure about that one) of the last 6 cars of mine didn't have a dipping mechanism - and that takes me back to about 1990.



Bassman

You've had 6 cars since 1990?

Do you change them every other year 'for tax purposes'?

It does have a little knob for dipping purposes. The problem is I can't remember where it is

!!! READ THE MANUAL !!!

I've lost it!

Read the manual.... That's a last resort sort of thing for someone that actually cares that they're blinding oncoming drivers

The reason I've had 6 cars is because they were mostly old bangers that failed their M.O.T. tests so badly, they weren't worth fixing!

Here goes....

Blue "W" reg Renault 18 estate (Failed M.O.T. sold to friends in Gurnsey)

Gerrn "W" reg Renault 18 estate (Failed M.O.T. sold for spares)

Blue Adams Rotrax Kit Car (Built by Which Kit magazine - lost to ex wife in divorce settlement)

Dutton Sierra Kit Car (wasn't up to doing big trips up and down the country - sold at a loss)

Brown Austin Montego (Fell to bits - donated to friend)

Burgundy Vauxhall Carlton CDX (First car I owned that was in good condition, ex wife part traded against newer car)

Black Toyota Yaris {named Clarice} (imported from Holland - saved £2500 on UK price - traded in against....)

Inferno Red Chrysler PT Cruiser Limited Edition CRD



I didn't include the kit cars, as they weren't a main means of transport. At one point I had the Rotrax, Carlton and Yaris all at the same time. I've not included in this my 2 bikes - an old Suzuki GS500E and my pride and joy - the Kawasaki ZRX1200B2.




Bassman

I've invented a new colour it appaers - it's like Green only a lot harder to spell!



Bassman

As an aside....

GD, we know you've lost it, but what about the manual??





Bassman

>>TOTAL COST = £218.80

and i thought smokes over here were expensive!! boy am i ever glad i quit (even if i do miss it occasionally).

bassman, i might be able to beat you on the cars. between 1987 and 1992 i had 7 different cars. since '92 i'm on my 4th now

Three kilogrammes of tobacco is actually an awfully large quantity of the stuff. Whilst it is difficult to put a direct comparison between hand-rolled cigarettes and the likes of Marlboro.

I would say in terms of my own consumption habits -- based solely on how much of what satisfies my nicotene cravings -- that that 3 kilogrammes is the equivalent of 220 packs of regular cigarettes. Which at a retail price of around £4.40 for a premium brand of cigarettes puts us comfortably over the £1,000 mark. In this light my trip to Belgium looks like an absolute steal




And yes, it *would* be cheaper if just gave up, but when did rational argument ever enter into this debate?

i would never attempt to persuade you to quit - not only do i know how annoying that is, i remember how much i enjoyed smoking.

on the whole tho, i would have to say i enjoy the extra cash even more. i'm not quite so fond of the extra pounds that come with it.

I believe that's a ya boo sucks to you Mr. Brown I must do a run soon- the tobacco supply is looking a little low.