h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l252/cjlatte/sosorry.jpg

Aaaaawwwwww! *squidgy fingers at screeniness*

I see you've been rechristened, nice. Suits you.

Thankyou

Stuff! (Today is *not* going to be one of those days where I do nothing, no sirree, definitely not)

Lunch first though

Yeah right!

Lunch first, followed by channel flickery, followed by biccies and tea, followed by a quick flick through the newspapers, then dinner, maybe a little dooveedooing, and oooh look, it's Hootoo time.

Whoever had the insight to name you that must be ver' clever and be awarded lots of choccy didgies.

Oooh Lo you!

Most inspired, definitely one of your best.

Have some do!

http://www.britishcornershop.co.uk/images/large/BC0203.jpg

Eyethangewe.

Choccydidgieschoccydidgieschoccydidgies.

Choccydidgie eat choccydidgie all day. *munchmunchchompscoff*



Want one? I can regurgitate if you like.

Oooohoooo regurgidiggies

Don't s'pose you've any bellybutton fluff sprinkles?

There's absolutely nothing that can turn her stomach.

I'm glad you asked. I've been saving up my belly button fluff since 1991 in case such an occasion arose.



*Oompa Loompas enter carrying bucket loads of belly button fluff*

Hold it right there!!!

*VVVVvvvvzzzzZZZZZZvvvzzzZZZVVVVVvvvzzztttzzz!*

These are specially-trained flants, do not be alarmed. They're here over the little matter of a sixteen-year shortfall of bellybutton fluff tax.

Okay, take it away...

*VVVVVvvvvvzzzzzzzzZZZZZZ*

*Flants carry off 17.5% of the bellybutton fluff*

Now - where's the paperwork? Receipts? Notes? Chits?

Hmmmph!

It's all here. *empties extremely large pockets*

There's March '91 to boobillyboo. Here's ... misc. And the rest is all other times.

I'll sit here with the choccy didgies while you sift through them all.

Thankyou, miss...

*Gets out automatic reckoning machine*

So, that's 20p for chewits in Sept '99, another 20p for 'sundries' - that receipt's got crumbs on it, I suspect undeclared bunnage there - in Aug of the following year, 2 spoons and a copy of Smash Hits in 'swapsies' for a strawberry shoelace and a funny foot in 2002... tum-ti-tum...

*Pulls lever*

*Ker-ching!*

He he he... right now, carry the one and let x=2.45 s...

x doesn't equal 2.45

x clearly equals 0.1 1/2

*dips didgie in pilfered panda sauce*

*lickylicky*

I'm going to have to start again now

To the nearest decimal point, how much would you say you've spent on sherbet since 1998?

Jeez. Hmmm ...

The nearest one is at the bus stop. I can go fetch it if you want to get specific.

It's right next to the sweetie shop too.

No! It's vitally important you spend no more on sweeties until after the audit is complete, or it'll throw my figures right out. You'll need to outsource your sweetie requirements - charity would be one possible route, begging for opal fruits in busy city centres. Crime is also an option - if you know anyone heavily engaged in DIY who would have left their sweetie cupboard unguarded, then the law will happily waive its rights in this case

*triple locks sweetie cupboard and throws the latch*

*realises they're talking about Bb the Builder's EX-wife and unlocks the cupboard, releasing the latch*

*listens* Damn! If only I could hear his thinks. I'm sure there'd be a useful nugget of information hidden underneath the prittball and smelly boy socks in there.

If only I had protective clothing and a paramedic at hand so I could go to Jangleys.

I'll have to go to my gallant squire's.

Oo - this chit has choccy traces *lickylicky* I love being an accountant!