h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's summer, folks. Time for weird news. Especially in the land of the free and the home of the bravely insane.

Today's story comes from Tennessee. The exact location has not been revealed, because the names are being withheld to protect the embarrassed homeowner, but since the story originated in the Crossville [pronounced 'CROSS=vul'] newspaper, I can safely say that this amazing incident transpired in the stomping grounds of my paternal ancestors.

It is a tale of duplicity, theft, gullibiity, and - yes - dedication to the Gospel. You shall hear.

According to the homeowner, he knew this couple vaguely. They asked if the lady could swim in the man's pool. He said yes. Then she asked her husband to go home and fetch her cigarettes. Exit husband.

The lady then requested to hold her swim in the altogether - you know, nude, textile-free-, FKK for you Germans...dkinny-dippin'.

The man said, sure. For about twenty minutes, the mermaid cavorted in his pool and, in the immortal words of Ray Stevens, bard of the South, 'wa'n't wearin' nothin' but a smahle'. Ahem.

This is where it gets good. When the lady got dressed again, the homeowner attempted to 'witness' to her. He invited her to his church. She said she 'didn't have time for church'. Personally, I would have enjoyed the introductions at Sunday School.

'Brother Martin, this is Ms McGillicuddy. We met when she swam nekkid in my swimmin' pool.'

'Welcome to First Baptist, ma'am. We prefer our visitors to remain clothed. I hope you'll understand.'

It was only after the woman left that the homeowner discovered that the husband hadn't been fetching cigarettes. He'd been plundering the house of valuables, including jewellery and an heirloom gun - a souvenir of the homeowner's stint as a Mississippi deputy.

Mississippi - aha! That explains a lot. (My mother's family is from Mississippi. If any place is more peculiar than Middle Tennessee, it's Mississippi.)

Police were called in. They've tried to be nice, and stop laughing. It's hard.

Particularly because it's summer, you know, and it's hot, and not much happens other than 911 calls about copperheads...

I'll leave you with that great song by Mr Ray Stevens, which reminds us just how distractin' nudity can be:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_-oFmAcCSw



PS about copperheads: MVP thought I meant weeds. Er, no. They're nasty, poisonous snakes. Tennesseans run over a lot of them in the summer.

We do not endorse ANY of the behaviour in this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqe8aD7O65g

1 born every minuteevery country has them (we got more than our fair share)

I've been checking out the Crossville CHronicle. This paper has issues.

To wit, it reports local crime news a bit like the good old Athens News.

Last week, according to the editor, the crime news involved the Tooth Fairy:

http://crossville-chronicle.com/local/x1614272721/Tooth-fairy-suspect-in-tooth-theft

Good thing grandma didn't shoot the burglar/tooth/son-in-law in self defense

and we have fond memories of "The Streak" - I used to say to my kids (whenever anything rude came on the TV or somesuch) "don't look Ethel!" and I still have a habit of doing that now, when my partner turns to Page 3 in his newspaper...

I did have such fun writing this: A9559678

GB

That's a great Entry, GB!

I didn't know there were so many female streakers in the UK. IN the US, it was mostly males, as I recall.

I remember when it hit our campus. I looked up from my studies because there was a lot of noise on the quad. It was a crowd. Emerging from the crowd were streakers. I laughed. Then my mom happened to call, and I explained.

She said, 'That's awful.'

I said, 'No, it's funny.'

She said, 'Okay, I guess so.'

The next day, it had been announced that someone was going to streak around the Cathedral of Learning, our 42-storey Gothic revival building. We warned our Old English prof, a somewhat senior lady.

The prof, who had infamously translated a rather hot medieval poem about Helen of Troy, said, 'Do they at least wear funny hats?'

She joined us all at the window.

Well, on a slightly similar subject (i.e. nekkid ladies), here's the absolutely brilliant song that Amanda Palmer performed in her recent show, which I was lucky enough to go and see on my last night in London - an open letter to the Daily Mail, regarding their shameful coverage of another UK show she did (they completely ignored the show, and focused on a nip-slip that happened during it) :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRWp4B0qsW8
(Warning: NSFW, for language and nekkidness.)
(It's awesome, though. She's so cool.)

Grr, the link got messed up somehow - should have previewed:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRWp4B0qsW8

That was delightful, Lady P. Thanks for sharing!

I've never heard of this singer before, but I admire her now.

no beating about the bush therehope she had antiperspirant on

Oh, yeah, she's crazy, but excellent.

Glad you got to see such a remarkable performer on your visit to London. I hope you really enjoyed your trip. Thanks for sharing Amanda with us.

Ah, the infamous Amanda Palmer. I *want* to like her, but I'm afraid I've got a bit of a bugbear with her.

You see, she's quite a successful singer/songwriter. She's very talented and rather popular. But a short while ago she put out a call for musicians to play with her on her upcoming tour. For free. Well, for "hugs and giggles" I think she termed it. But for free basically. You see, she said that she couldn't afford to hire all the session musicians that would be needed, so could they come along and work for free.

Now, that initially doesn't seem *too* bad, a bit blooming cheeky, but if you're a fan of hers it'd be kinda cool to not only meet her, but to play on stage with her. After all, she's a skint up and coming musician who can't afford to pay people.

Except she isn't. If you've never heard of her, and you do a bit of a search, you'll find out that she's not only rather successful, but so is her husband. A certain Mr Neil Gaiman. Between them they have more than enough money to pay musicians for their work, but she decided to try and get all that hard work for free. And it was the way it was done that I've got a bugbear against.

She could easily have come out and said "Hey, fancy playing with me on stage? Well if you don't mind not getting paid, come along." But she didn't. She tried to claim poverty and need.

So, as much as I'm a massive fan of the incredibly talented Neil Gaiman, and as much as I like Amanda Palmer's songs, I don't think I could ever bring myself to buy any of her merchandise or songs.

Yeah, I heard about that. And yeah, it's pretty low, and she should have - at the very least - phrased her request differently. I know that I was thinking about it during the show, when she urged the crowd to give money to the guest performers (by buying merch etc.) and I found myself thinking 'yes, but why didn't _you_ pay them?'...


...And yet, she's an incredible performer, and I'm very glad I was at the show.
*shrug*
I dunno.

Thanks for the insight, Pastey. That is a puzzler - why do people act like that?

She's pretty odd (she used to be a street performer, mostly working as a living statue; somehow, finding that out made a lot about her make more sense to me), and despite everything, I guess that she's also a bit of an egotist, in some ways, although not completely self-centred (I heard this criticism, and disagree with it, she often seems quite sensitive to other people).
I don't really know about the 'we have no money' thing. Maybe she meant that they had a certain budget for the tour, and the extra acts didn't fit in it; maybe she just thought that sounded better, more dramatic or something.

I wish I knew too. It caused a right furore when it happened, and I lost all respect for her. Which I'm sure she can live with

People often disappoint. But whether or not she's a particularly upright individual, her point abou the Daily Mail was well taken, I thought, and I got a chuckle out of the response - in terms of performance, it's pretty effective.

That's pretty much government policy here now, though. Abolish as much of the public sector and hope the voluntary sector does it all for free. "The Big Society", I think we're meant to call it.

I'm disappointed to hear that too. But I read she did start paying the local musicians. Anyways I know that artistic folks often have their failings. And also perhaps not so unexpected for someone whose middle name is an expletive.