h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There's an open day at Glasgow tomorrow?

They must have only told the freshers etc. I've been planning to go to one and annoy my fresher friends for a while.
I am also failing to drive. I used to get lessons for a while but I had to stop cos' they clashed with my Uni exams and I didn't restart for ages (probably from fear considering my complete lack of skill) but should be getting an intensive course sometime soon.

I didn't know there was an open day tomorrow (today) either... Oh well.
Freshers' week. Tuesday. Need help.

Well, it was a nice enough place...I need a God of some sort(Bast? Odin? The-God-I-Play-In-Black-And-White?) to let me get 4 Bs. I am quite simply, f****d.

*Sigh*

This, like so much, is getting depressing.

Yours,
Me.

Try appealing to the Oh God of Hangovers. Or the Lady.

And even if you don't get 4 Bs they might still accept you. It all depends on the standard of the other applicants. My best mate Sarah didn't make her grades and she still got accepted to study medicine at St Andrews, and you know how overloaded with applications they were this year.

God, imagine: we could infiltrate the university, one of us in each year...

Hmmmmm, the Oh God could help...but to be honest, the only way of appealing to him would be to p**s the God of Drink(Or something) off, and he'd only be able to make me ill.
On my exam day...
So I can appeal...
And get good grades...
Thanks for the idea. Bwah-ha!

The infiltration sounds good, but you and Bob'd bully me into doing the dirty work, being in the lowest year and all...

Yours,
Me.

You know that if you don't get in through UCAS you can still apply again through clearing. Look into it. You may not be without hope. If not, then we may well see you next year.
And Angel, what specifically is it you need help with for Freshers week. Finding lectures (pfft! what do you need that for?) Matriculation (Easy, tho I haven't bothered yet and really should) Finding the QM (Possibly the ONLY peice of information you'll need which you've implied you already know.) No problem. Anyway, I should be in the QM willing to help (since this is kinda my job this week) if you can find me. If not, the other helpers will do also but they don't have quite as god taste in music as your Bobness

I don't know what else to say.

I have no idea why my hopes are rising at the moment. Nothing good ever comes of raised hopes, well, at least in my knowledge of things.

""
Too late. We know you're a sheep. No point hiding it. Admittedly, you look like a deranged sheep, but a sheep nonetheless.

Ooh, also- Do you want me to put your pic up on my webspace or anything?

You mentioned it a while back and you seem to have forgotten that the "Right there, Bob" conversation exists.

Do you have a picture of me? We may have to arrange to meet in person so that I may see this picture. If you post a really bad one then your kneecaps may mysterious be stolen in the night and used in my evil plan to become an arachnid. Then you will be forced to keep your legs straight at all times untill you are beaten to death by left-wing protesters mistaking you for a Nazi. However I probably could supply you with a good photo of me if you give me time to get one developed.

PS. I'm a freshers helper! Haha! Sorry, I went to my first meeting this morning and it was very intriuging. I may be forced to kill any freshers stupid enough to spend their time outside the QM during this week. Every day should be great, especially Saturday,where I hopefully will be winning fortunes on the casino in Jims and spending it all on ridiculous cocktails for beautiful women at the masked ball. Life is good sometimes. SOmetimes sh*t. But it's worth it for the good times.

No. I don't have a picture of you. In the other conversation which we used to frequent,(Before you crashed into this one) you mentioned sending me a photo of your good self, and I could put it up on my webspace.

I think most people know my opinions about life.

Aaaaaanyway...

I may send that picture yet! In fact I may bring my camera to Freshers week and get a few interesting (possibly really embarrasing) ones.

PS. If either of you want to find me this week (more so to Good Angel though since, if she's as intelligent as she appears, she'll be spending most of her time in the QM this week) then I'll probably be in the QM and almost definately on campus from early morning to really early morning (God! why bother leaving, in fact I might not) and can easily be found. Since you don't know what I look like (Angel that is, Mr Tyers could spot me from ten yards) then you could ask any freshers helper or board member for me by name and I should turn up. There is the slight problem of what name to give though since I've answered to: Jason (the one on my birth certificate), Jay, Jase, J, Edward, Ed, Iago, Mort, Lewis and Sick Bob among others; before. For some strange reason (it's not that interesting) most of the other helpers and board members know me as Cyclops. If you ask anyone where cyclops is then they'll probably send you my way. Thanx.

PPS. That PS was longer than the text. How bizzare. And this one is kinda pointless. Oh well. Ho Hum.

Cyclops

Good good.
I demand pictures!

Oh, Angel, I've finally watched the video of King Adora at Gig on the Green.
They were, to quote a certain Mr. Izzard, 'Fantastico'. But they didn't show enough of Robbie, which is never a good thing.

Yours,
Me.

I completely agree about Robbie. Robbie and Maxi are on top ten tv detectives c4 this saturday by the way, according to the website.

i'll try and find you today btw Mr SB. I'll be spending a lot of time at the Freshers Fayre and will probably be turning up at the pub quiz. oh joy.

By the way, just to let everyone know, I met my beloved Caldo last thursday (accidentally, I might add) and was so put off that i couldn't think of anything to say, then babbled nonsensically for five minutes and now he thinks i'm a complete freak and hasn't e-mailed me.

Oh yeah, and you might have seen me yesterday: i was the one with the pink and black striped Beetlejuice tights. they're not hard to miss.

Robbie...Maxi...TV...I must watch them...Must...Watch...Them...

Caldo...Caldo. Caldo?
In the words of Vic Reeves, who hell he?

Yours,
Me.

Hellooo (trad. QM freshelp greeting, usually followed by a game of Paper Rock Scissors)

How are you people? I was at the pub quiz but I didn't see you. I'm still annoyed about the damn fire alarm
I hope you will come to see Phil Kay tonight. His shows are always... interesting (but always funny, which is the main thing). Lets just hope that he doesn't meet Tim Shand again. (I'll spare you the story if you don't already know it.)
I will be in the Qm all day probably (except if I do a shift on the QM stall of the Fayre.) and in fact most of the week so look out for me. I'm not sure how to describe myself best. One person said that if Robert de Niro, Edward Norton and Joseph Fiennes somehow (denying all science) had a three-way gay lovechild which was then possesed by Satan, given plastic surgery using odd parts of John Tutorro and Richey Edwards and then beaten vigourously with an ugly stick then it would look kinda like me. I'm not sure if that helps much. If you see a helper getting given into trouble for wearing a leather jacket over their official QM t-shirt then it probably will be me too. If you ever do want to try and find me just ask any of the QM folk if they know where "Cyclops" is. They should know what you mean.
Thank you and goodnight.

Cyclops

I'm forced to ask you this (please don't ask where I got it from...) - Bob, do you live on Clarkston Road or thereabouts?

I missed the quiz, sorry

Caldo is a passing-resemblance-to-River-Phoenix KA fan that I send obsessive e-mails to. He's the one going on about the big happy King Adora family on the GOTG coverage.

Right, i'm matriculating today then i'm joining the QMU. Oh, and i'm a fully paid-up member of the sci-fi and fantasy society and the film society

Did you get a free waistcoat when you joined Io? I did, and I covered it in the little furry bugs and ran around looking like a right excentric. Wahey!

Yes, I do live in that area. You don't know someone who knows me, do you? That's worrying. Don't listen to all the really dodgy rumours about me. Only two thirds of them are true. I'll let you try and guess which.

Filmsoc? I should have joined myself. Buggermonkey.

I will look out for you in the Qm later. Come to cheesy pops and embarrass yourself on a surf machine. It'll be great.

All the rumours are true, though.

We(Ment in a sense implying that there are many of us, and I'm not just a weirdo who watches you all day) know what you get up to.

Bwah-ha!

Yours,
Me.

One of my best friends allegedly went to primary school with you Cyclops mate. She stays 2 mins away from you. Gillian Orr. You remember her? She says you're the house at the end with the net curtains. See? WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE

I remember Gillian Orr. It could be linked to the fact that me and Bob went to the same schools...
I'm certain she'll remember a fat t**t called Tyers too.

Oh yeah, where did Maxi and Robbie disappear to on the detectives thingie?

Yours,
Me