Journal Entries
Evil thoughts
Posted Jul 3, 2004
I don;t know what to do with the things I have been thinking lately. Given that my ex is an alcoholic, it's hard to deal with him and his mistaken belief that his drinking doesn't affect anyone but him. He's lost jobs, friends, and now a marriage....what does it take for someone to hit rock bottom, anyway?
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Latest reply: Jul 3, 2004
What happens now?
Posted Jun 25, 2004
So, remember how I was saying that I wanted to get the ex out of the house? Well, turns out that in less than 2 weeks, he will be gone for an extended amount of time...he's being deployed to a place that is currently not exactly a good place for Americans to be. Iraq, Afghanistan...I don't know yet.
While I wanted him out of my house, I didn't mean for him to go that far away, or to somewhere bad things could happen. I feel relieved and guilty and upset and all sorts of things...I mean, I don't want to be married to the guy, but I don't want him dead, either.
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Latest reply: Jun 25, 2004
I *hate* drama!
Posted Jun 21, 2004
This is something of a rant, so I forgive you all freely for not reading it...
A friend with a drinking problem tells me that a married someone I work with is hitting on her. Based on her call log on her cell, she's not kidding. But is it true, or is it her drinking? I, of course, was shocked, but asked her if she wanted me to help her deal with the married someone. She declined.
Another woman tells me the same thing, that the same married someone is hitting on her.
Another woman tells me that the married someone is obsessed with her new relationship. This is evident. The married someone has called me to rant and rave about her relationship. I thought it had something to do with work, silly me.
My reaction is one of consternation and being angry. I thought married someone was happily married. I know his wife, and adore her. I ~thought~ he adored her as well. My opinion has recently changed, but at the same time, while I am being supportive of my female friends by listening, I am finding their stories hard to believe (or would, if there weren't so damn many of them), because I respect married someone a lot.
I am what you would call a black hole. What people tell me stays with me, something I learned the hard way. Personally, however, I tend to be a bit transparent, and if someone asks me a direct question, I prefer to answer it in a straight forward manner.
I feel very trapped, very caught in the middle, and somewhat betrayed by not only married someone, but by myself, since I would prefer to simply ask married someone if he is, in fact, hitting on these women or not (although I know how he can dance around a question...Fred Astaire, I tell you).
Damn, damn, damn. I don't really know what to do.
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Latest reply: Jun 21, 2004
Ever Wondered?
Posted May 22, 2004
What some of the people you've been hanging out with on HooToo look like? Well, azahar has a picture gallery!
http://public.fotki.com/azahar/h2g2_friends/
see if your mental image matches up!
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: May 22, 2004
Nerves
Posted Apr 26, 2004
So it's time. The lawyer is ready any time I say go, so why am I so afraid to file the damned paperwork? I can think of several reasons, none of which have to do with actually wanting to stay married to the man. I desperately want out, gone, done, shut with, what have you. So why?
1. fear that he will pick my daughter up from school one day and just disappear.
2. fear of being a single mother at my age.
3. fear that when he gets served with the papers, he will do something to endanger me or my daughter.
So basically, it's all about fear. And there's nothing to fear but fear itself, as old Winston put it.
So I''m going to do it. It's just a question of being brave enough.
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Latest reply: Apr 26, 2004
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