h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Dear h2g2 BritEng Friends.

I'm going to ask the most enormous favour, because I don't know where else to turn for this advice. I know you from many months posting to assorted BritEng threads. I know I can trust your advice, that you will be pragmatic and (I hope) non-judgemental.

I've decided to bring my existence on this little blue-green planet to an end sometime before the end of this year. I haven't made this decision lightly, and it isn't up for discussion.

However, what I need your help with is this:- should I just slip away quietly, or should I write chapter and verse on how I feel and what lead me to make the decision in the first place.

Please accept my sincere apologies if this upsets you or causes you pain in any way. It isn't my intention to hurt others. I just don't know where else to turn with a question like this.

Thanks and love to you all. Nikki

Dear Nikki
Leave a message - clearly addressed to the coroner.Leave short, loving messages to anyone else that may need them.
Don't talk about it beforehand. You say it's not up for discussion, so don't land anyone with the guilt of not having been able to persuade you to change your mind.
Before you go clear up all your affairs. Close your bank accounts etc. Make sure all your bills are paid. Make arrangements with an undertaker for the disposal of your remains - you don't have to tell them when. Just have a paid up plan of some sort and leave it somewhere obvious.
Sell or give away all your possessions to whatever charity you favour. Destroy all old letters. Throw out all rubbish. Clean the place, especially the fridge.Mementoes that you want specific people to have should be clearly labelled and accompanied by a copy of your will.
Make sure the method you have chosen is foolproof. Too many failures end up permanently disabled and unable to finish the job.Make sure that nobody will find you in time to bring you back
If you know anyone under the age of 18 who loves you, you must not do it
Also, please give serious thought to who is going to find your body. The shock, even for someone who is used to death, can be considerable and please don't involve innocent bystanders .
This sounds very cold. It isn't meant to be. You have my continuing love and respect whatever you decide to do / whatever you have decided and I am so sorry for your pain.
Priscilla

I can't really add to that. I agree wholeheartedly with everything that Star says. If it's not up for discussion, I will have to respect your wishes, but I will say that you will be missed by your friends here.

Eoin

I'll miss you, Nikki, even though we've only met here and via e-mail.
It was an honour knowing you, and I'll never forget you.

With all my sincere love and deepest respect.


Patrick

Look, I apologise in advance for being disrespectful and contrary - but if you're going to canvas opinions from friends, you must: a) expect differences; and, b) accept they have to speak their minds, even if it's not what you want to hear.

Though you say it's not up for discussion, that doesn't count because when you're someone's friend you have some rights upon them. My right - our right - upon you is that you don't take away from us the things that we love without listening to us first. And I think we all love your friendship and the richness that you have added to our lives.

More than once in my life I seriously considered ending everything. I almost succeeded. I faced tragedy and grief I couldn't bear, and could see no point in continuing. I made up my mind.

But matters don't always turn the way you expect. Two things made everything change in a way that makes my life now unrecognisable compared to before: friends; and belief.

My new friends made me feel like a different person, especially in the last two years. Now I'm strong enough even to go back to where I came from to face the ghosts from my past, though it's hard.

The belief that life is more meaningful than we can ever realise, that there is something special and extra we can't see or touch, something to do with our true nature that transcends our upbringing and circumstances.

So, Nikki, I can't give you any advice about ending life. Maybe selfishly, I can't truly support your decision. I can only say that I am absolutely certain there is a better way, not necessarily easy or that meets your desires and dreams; a different path. Just because you haven't found it yet, doesn't mean you shouldn't keep looking.

I have your email address, so I'll try to contact you.


Kaeori

Err, not good on serious things but;
Chapter and verse. If your reasons are correct then people should know to help them to deal with it.

You will be missed
Brian

I don't know what to say or do at all. If your mind is truely made up then W'star's advice is better than anything I can think of. K has also given you some frank and honest opinions which I do hope you will at least think about.

All I can really say is thank you for your support and comfort when I needed friends earlier on this year. Everything else here on H2G2 is insignificant after reading and thinking about your post. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who has or will shed tears at your wanting to and departing.

Phil - op - BHB?

Nikki-D, as a regular lurker on the British English thread, I am very very upest today to learn of your decision.
Please don't do it!!!!
DO write the chapter and verse on how you came to make this decision though. This will be very helpful to you and to others who find themselves confronted by that same bleak (but avoidable) option.
My lurking on other threads reveals that you believe that you have much to offer and I am quite sure that you do.
Feel free to e-mail me.

Gosh, this really puts my problems in perspective...

Haven't got much to add but I do believe there is always a way out, I agree with Ommigosh...

Nikki-D,

I know we haven't spoken, but I stumbled on this while lurking earlier today, and I have had to come back and try to talk you into reconsidering.

I have been there, about 9 years ago, I attempted suicide, and if it weren't for housemates coming back early, I'd have got away with it. I had thought about it, and came to a considered decision. At the time it was the right decision. Having said that now, I am glad it didn't work.

My life now, to be honest is in a bigger mess than it ever was then, and it is still something that I think about now and then. BUT for most of the time since my attempt, my life has been ok, so I'm hoping that it will improve again soon.

Sorry to interfere, but sometime manners aren't the most important thing. Please talk this through with people you trust first.

Having said that, if you don't change your mind, do your research to find out what to expect health wise, if you fail by your chosen method.

Toccata

Hi

We haven't met either. I have been lurking at work, and I came across your posting. Please excuse the terrible netiquette.

I am all too aware of how you are feeling, I have been as low as that in the past. Anything I try to say now will be trite and patronising. So all I wanted to say was I know how you feel and to echo everything that has been said. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. Thanks too to Kaeori for telling me off. I know I deserve it.
I was feeling very emotional (crying into my keyboard) when I posted last night, and thinking about it today, I'm not really surprised that my "not up for discussion" was roundly rejected in some quarters.

I know I shouldn't do. I know I'll be missed by those that know and love me. I know there are lots of good things I can do with my life that will benefit others e.g. at work, and probably in the wider community. There are lots of things I wanted to do to fulfill my creative drive.

The trouble is, I don't know if I'm going to have the strength in the basic bedrock of my existence to do any of these things. At the moment, I don't even want to try. I appear to have lost my best friend and partner of 16 years (yes, I know, very careless of me). There has been a downward slide in my spirit over the last couple of months, but last week I found that I had been duped and was (still) being taken for a ride. They say love is blind, and I now think I certainly was blind. I could carry on (surely something nice will happen sometime ?), but my batteries are low and I don't have anything left to give, even for myself.

I've been low and thought about this a number of times over the last 4/5 months. But last week was the final straw and I made up my mind. I've set about the task of finding out how, and joined 'Exit'. I know something wonderful might happen, and I might change my mind, but I have to plan ahead.

I hope I've helped you understand. And I really do appreciate all the friends I've made here.

Nikki

Although I too have noted Nikki's kindness to others and agree it would be a loss in the ongoing conflict of good vs evil in the cosmos, I will be rational rather than emotional.

Can we all agree that these two statements are true:
1. Life is change.
2. A change is as good as a rest.

If you cannot deny either of those two truths, then it would be illogical to discontinue the experience of living.

transplants often blossom best
~jwf~

But not just yet ....
I have been waiting for you to tell us that there is a tribute to DNA on Saturday 1st Sept at 10.30 am (BST) Radio 4 ("of course" as you would say) and that there is a re-run of "the Guide" starting 5th Sept R4 6.30 pm (BST). That will take us within spitting distance of Christmas which is regarded as a predictable time for the sort of plan that you propose. You, clearly, are not one to follow the crowd, so that clearly is an inappropriate time.
You knew the likely consequences of the course you have taken and were strong enough to deal with them. I cannot know all of the pressures that are upon you but I am convinced that all that has gone before will have strengthened your character, even though it may not seem that way at present.
In my ignorance of the full picture, I can allow my selfishness to show.
I note that you have been badly treated by someone you trusted. Have you worked that one out. Was it a well set up scam or just someone being human and letting you down? In either case there is a way to deal with it without resorting to the final solution.
I've taken up enough of your time, but I haven't finished yet.
If you are absolutely, completely, totally convinced that your case is hopeless, like my mother's when she was fully aware but could not even swallow her own saliva (sorry, that's not a pleasant image but it was true) then I can offer nothing better than W did. I should like to think you have had the opinion of an appropriate medical authority (as my mother had) on the permanence or otherwise of your present frame of mind. Hell, that didn't come out right - I don't mean I think you're barmy. I have three friends who have suffered from depression, an elderly spinster with no "real" problems, a gay man facing court proceedings and, quite separately, financial ruin, a young family man devoted to his wife and four children and constantly making changes to his home to adapt to their needs. All of them considered "leaving" and two of them almost succeeded. There are all still here and two of them are doing very nicely, the third is content.
Now you. I wonder if I'm a bad influence?

Sorry to drag you all this way for "nothing better" than you've already seen.
To paraphrase Kaeori: "You've had your say and I've had mine". I don't propose to inflict any more of my thoughtless comments on you but you can get me at:
[email protected]
if you want to tell me off privately rather than here, or for any other reason.

If you go, I shall never forget you; but if you stay, I shan't have to try to.
I offer my best wishes.
Eric

Nikki

Sorry to intrude - i stumbled in here from the British English thread and find it dificult to move on and say nothing.

I don't really have anything to add to what others have said. But I noticed another thread on your page titled 'Nikki is the Phoenix' - I hope that can still be true and you can rise from the ashes once more.

Elizabeth

People have been saying so many sensible things... I wish I had the experience to draw on to say something like that, too.

With regard to our little "project", it would seem to me, Nikki, that you are the sort of person the world needs, but is not yet ready for. You have shown me - and probably lots of others - a new direction in this new world. It will be a challenge and a constant source of satisfaction to follow it, whether you choose to follow it through or not.

Meeting you made a lasting impression on me. You will never be gone for good.

Jacky

...someone you can feel comfortable sharing practically anything with, you would trust with your life ...

Nikki,

Would you trust us, your BritEng friends, with your life? If so, then we want it! We don't want you to take it!

Gnomon (rather than some guy Eoin who you never heard of)

Nikki,

I've been lurking here for a while wondering what to say. It feels terribly presumptuous to step into this as I hardly know you and cannot possibly know all the factors that have driven you to this decision. But I hope you won't mind one more person apologising for ignoring the bit about it not being negotiable.

As I read your post and the excellent replies, I was filled with a need to say something. Thousands of thoughts filled my head. I struggled to form them into a brilliant, cohesive argument. Then I realised that I couldn't. I'll have to leave that to the others. My contribution to this conversation will just be: please don't.

Mark.

As we slip into the weekend, let me thank everyone, all my friends, for the practical advice, the admonishments, and the exhortations to stay.

Every new message has set me crying again, touched by the depth of friendship and love - but they've helped me through this week.

I can't say I've changed my mind, but at least the depression has lifted (I'm no longer moving round like a zombie). The sun may yet come out - if it does, it will be in no small part down to you all.

Thank you.

Nikki

Keep going Nikki, even in the darkest depths of Despond a little light must fall. I'm sure the sun will come up for you again.