h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If you can't sleep, feel free to come by and look at the artwork in my journal. It's under Oil Painting Again, the most recent journal entry.

I'm glad that you are not seriously contemplating suicide right now. I know Vicky hurt you a lot. Not everyone on here is homophobic like that. Take care, stay safe.

Whoops, got the title wrong. Here, here's the link:


http://picasaweb.google.com/JEllenJ42/ToPaint

Hi

Thanks so much for your message. I haven't checked out link yet, but it's really good to speak to you. I couldn't believe I could get so upset about something on h2g2. But I have, like it's real life. I do have an incredible ability to make real, a online relationship. My relationship between inner and outer reality can get bit blurred. It's great having a really vivid imagination, but it can be really difficult as well. Do you have that?

Like if I see a sad film I can be upset for days, or sport which is my thing. When England were knocked out of the world cup against Argentina in 1998, I was depressed for a month.

It's good being emotional but very difficult as well. People often don't understand what you're so upset about. It's over sensitivity I suppose. It means you can feel good things so much more good and wonderful than others, but hurtful things too.

How is bipolar for you?

I'm really pleased to make contact with you. I know lots of people on h2g2 think I'm a complete nutcase. As in real life. I just hope they know that I am basically a loving/caring person, however angry and irrational I can be.

I will check out your link, maybe tomorrow or later. But it's good to make contact with you now.

Thank you.

I'm glad you don't mind my popping into your personal space. We bipolars are especially sensitive aren't we. Edward always tells me not to romanticize the illness, but that extra sensitivity is very real. But more to the point, anyone would be offended by homophobic nonsense coming from someone they trusted.

Yeah it's the over sensitivity thing. I get stupidly impatient when people aren't being what I call 'real'. I can't deal with chit chat stuff that so many people can. I actually feel ill with it sometimes. And people don't know why I'm reacting to like 'small talk' stuff.

Yeah my relationship with Vicky is really really complex. She's also a very difficult person.


Thing is I've always liked difficult people. that's hard. I always knew about Vicky's attitudes but just let it go. it's just it's all blown up very emotionally at present because I let my self feel closer to her. I don't know how else to be like with people really. And that can be really difficult.

Ed is funny with his good sense.

BTW, I should think ticking off that antigravitis, is a badge of honor. Read that quick, before it gets modded.

I can tell your relationship with Vicky has been complex indeed, and I respect you for trying to work things out on that front over time.

I rely on Edward to make sure I'm not online after midnight. Only 11pm right now, luckily.

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How long have you been on hootoo Effers? I've been around here nearly six years now!

My mood has been surprising stable for the last two weeks, not too depressed, not manic either. If I can actually stretch that out for another few weeks, I'll be able to get some painting done. Something I long to do.

Oh 2 or 3 years I think on and off.

Yes I am, or should I say was, an artist. I did mostly sculpture and then performance stuff. Nothing for around 6 months though. Too negative and hopeless about life, I'm afraid. I don't think the creative thing I've had all my life will come back actually. I've written poems and stuff since I was 7. Performed quite a few of them at events. Years ago I was more science orientated. Basically I'm one big muddle.

I had a quick look at your link. So are some paintings. I wasn't sure what medium everything was done in. Is some on computer?

What mood stabilizer do you take? I take Lamotrigine - a newish one. It means my brain is much less fogged than on carbamezapine which I was on for years. My brain works almost as well now as it before meds. The working of my brain is incredibly important to me for my identity.

Right now all those designs are computer art I did using Photo Impact.

I plan to paint at least some of them with oil paints, starting with the dark one with squares for my sister.

I take Abilify and Prozac. Seems to work pretty well for me. Abilfy does not rein me in as tightly as former medications, which is good. If I have mania, I add Zyprexa to the mix.

I take dothiepin as an anti depressant, an old fashioned tricyclic type. The SSRIs like prozac and seroxat are too much of a kosh on my libido. Not that sex is the be all and all but I don't feel comfortable with that strong effect on my physiology.

I take zyprexa, (olanzapine) too when getting high.

I've just started on zopiclone recently for sleeping. Supposedly non addictive.

I've had loads of psychotherapy of all sorts in the past as well. Cognitative and deeper psychodynamic stuff. I'm lucky to live in the catchment area of one of the top hospitals in the UK.


Isn't it fun chatting 'bipolar' chit chat? I love it. Seriously I'm so glad to start talking to you. I don't have to feel awkward or ashamed of how I am. Thanks so much for starting this convo.

Off to bed now. G'night.

What an awkward simulpost! Whoops!

Thanks for the thank you!

I'll come back and comment more soon, when I'm not so sleepy.

Hey I've been away for a bit. But I'm back

Next time you're here, we must catch up. Hope things are good with you.

Hi Effers, welcome back! Good to see you. *waves*

I'm doing well -- I'm about to start a large painting for my sister. I don't know which of us is more excited about it, her or me! She bought me some lovely oil colors (I may have told you that?) and I just unpacked them today and they are great. I haven't painted in a while, so it is good to start a new one.

My cat Micio lost a tooth. Poor kitty. I don't know how she lost it, it may just be age -- she is 15.

I haven't made any headway in getting my sleep schedule turned around, and am thinking about trying Ambien for a week. It is darned inconvenient to always be wide awake in the middle of the night, and sound asleep in the day.

Hi JElen cheers.


Oh yes sympathies on the sleep thing, naturally.

Yes I have used oils in the past when I've done some painting. My way was usually quite dynamic and expressive most of the time as were my drawings. I think drawing was my favourite though. I always had some problem choosing colours somehow in painting. Of course you can use coloured chalks and oil pastels, but I tended to keep colours to a minimum with that. I have no problem enjoying the colours in paintings though when looking at them. There's some brilliant renaissance paintings in the National Gallery in London, which I've almost felt 'high' looking at. (The good side of bipolar )

Hope it goes well.

I get a thrill looking at really great art too. The Impressionists, The PreRaphaelites, Mucha, Bosch, and on and on. Memphis has had some good shows here, and I've seen galleries in Washington, London, and Italy. I have really good memories of my trips to Europe.

To help me choose colors in my paintings, I did an enormous oil color chart. It shows hundreds on mixtures, and took me forever to do. Helps a lot though, and looks like a cool piece of modern art in the process.

*waves*

*waves back*

Am feeling seriously gutted though as my team Arsenal lost in a big important football match tonight. It really is so stupid that I let sport affect my mood so much. Been like it all my life.

Plus I've nearly lost my voice from shouting at the telly.

But nice to get your wave.