Journal Entries
7th Novemeber Dead Letter drop…
Posted Nov 7, 2013
The nearest place to my office base to leave messages is a baked potato van. The agent working there maintains a cheerful, chirpy demeanour. He dispenses advice on holiday destinations and patter about the weather alongside the best baked potatoes in the West Midlands.
I approach the van and order a potato with vegetable chilli and cottage cheese, as he ladles the homemade chilli onto the smooth steaming potato he masks todays message in banter..
‘did you hear reports of the fire service strikes? They said they will only go out if its an emergency… when do you call the fire brigade if its not an emergency?’
This message is clearly sensitive as he has deviated from his usual topics of conversation to the possibly more controversial political realm.
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Latest reply: Nov 7, 2013
6th November Waiting...
Posted Nov 6, 2013
A lot of being a spy is sitting around waiting for things to happen; I have learnt the art of filing large quantities of time without appearing bored. I can do this by entering a trance like meditative state in which I plot the downfall of my enemies… whilst I smile and casually whistle I picture their blood smeared faces begging for mercy.
I read a lot of books. I tend to read modern fiction…authors such as Stephen Fry, Will Self and Malcolm Pryce. Reading eclectically allows be to strike up conversation with strangers in a variety of settings, to infiltrate groups by professing a knowledge of their interests. I recently had to abandon Robin Ince’s bad Book Club as I felt laughing aloud on the bus drew attention to myself.
I don’t really watch television as I am constantly moving between locations. I have learnt (from bitter experience) that feigning an interest in a subject can be risky. I was trying to infiltrate a group in a night club. A tall slim (nay lanky) woman beckoned to me ‘talk to me’ she said. I stared blankly for a moment and she began to talk about Buffy. My responses were clearly inadequate and as she said ‘no no we DON’T like Buffy’ and I was forced to admit that I’d never seen the programme. Fortunately the band struck up and I was able to fade into the crowd...
I also like to play in the virtual world. I have to know how the opposition might think and importantly I have to make contacts in the underworld. To this end I’ve just bought a private island and turned it into a meth based super economy.
http://clickingbad.nullism.com/
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Latest reply: Nov 6, 2013
5th November Hartal Days
Posted Nov 5, 2013
One of the problems with missions abroad these days is the tight time frames we operate in. Last year I went to Nigeria. I was due to go for 2 weeks to address an issue relating to corruption at the heart of government. In order to get a visa for Nigeria one must be invited by the Nigerian government. As I had been invited by the Nigerian government this seemed as if it would be a formality. This did not turn out to be the case and I ended up going to Nigeria for 5 days- one of which was a Friday when people return home to their villages and are not available for work. These cultural differences can impact greatly on a work schedule. I had only 4 days to address corruption in Nigeria. Important work was done and a lot was achieved however I don’t feel the issue was fully resolved.
This year my colleague in Bangladesh experienced similar problems. She had a week to infiltrate the ministry of finance and meet her various objectives. The first three days however were hartal days. A hartal day is like a strike day and so she was confined to the hotel, unable to do anything.
The hartal days are occurring for reasons steeped in recent political history. Bangladesh used to be East Pakistan (formerly part of Muslim Pakistan although with no shared borders). In 1971 they fought a bitter war for independence which they won becoming a secular state. Earlier this year two men were tried for war crimes that had occurred during that period, they were tried in absentia for the murder of pro-Bangladesh intellectuals who are seen as sacrificing their lives for a secular state. Since the trial violent protests have led to the death of 100 people.
Whilst this does not directly affect our mission, we are not involved in the repatriation of these US and UK citizens it could significantly impact on our ability to meet our goals.
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Latest reply: Nov 5, 2013
4th November Apologies
Posted Nov 4, 2013
No time to write today. I have been dragged into a number investigations. You can probably guess if you've seen the press.
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Latest reply: Nov 4, 2013
3rd November Establishing Cover
Posted Nov 3, 2013
Today has mainly been about establishing my cover. I have been set up with a family. I don’t know these people but the authorities must believe we are a close unit.
Today was the first birthday of my ‘nephew’. I met my family in a cold stone house in a northern mill town. Dark wood furniture loomed from the side of the room and bits of dead animals competed for attention where they lurked in the shadows. The elephants feet carefully hollowed out to make coffee tables win pride of place with small children gathering to admire the hair growing around the toe nails. My grandmother sits in the corner taking a stern eye over proceedings dismissing any undue frivolity.
There was a buffet consisting of pre-curled sandwiches with slices of cheese or preformed meat, crisps and pineapple on a stick. A secondary buffet of dahl, rice and salad vied for position as the official party food.
My family seem very strange. The woman, playing my mother, talks incessantly repeating the same stories to anybody who will listen. She ignores other people’s contributions to the conversation and looks hurt if ever she is not the centre of attention.
There are two brothers present who appear to be playing good cop/bad cop. One brother is sweet and kind whilst the other is loud and obnoxious. He gets drunk and tries to make me dance in the kitchen at 3 in the afternoon.
As we are a newly formed family these people seem to know very little about me. They don’t know my likes or dislikes or understand my values. I feel this role is going to be challenging.
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Latest reply: Nov 3, 2013
Storm
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