h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A lot of being a spy is sitting around waiting for things to happen; I have learnt the art of filing large quantities of time without appearing bored. I can do this by entering a trance like meditative state in which I plot the downfall of my enemies… whilst I smile and casually whistle I picture their blood smeared faces begging for mercy.
I read a lot of books. I tend to read modern fiction…authors such as Stephen Fry, Will Self and Malcolm Pryce. Reading eclectically allows be to strike up conversation with strangers in a variety of settings, to infiltrate groups by professing a knowledge of their interests. I recently had to abandon Robin Ince’s bad Book Club as I felt laughing aloud on the bus drew attention to myself.
I don’t really watch television as I am constantly moving between locations. I have learnt (from bitter experience) that feigning an interest in a subject can be risky. I was trying to infiltrate a group in a night club. A tall slim (nay lanky) woman beckoned to me ‘talk to me’ she said. I stared blankly for a moment and she began to talk about Buffy. My responses were clearly inadequate and as she said ‘no no we DON’T like Buffy’ and I was forced to admit that I’d never seen the programme. Fortunately the band struck up and I was able to fade into the crowd...
I also like to play in the virtual world. I have to know how the opposition might think and importantly I have to make contacts in the underworld. To this end I’ve just bought a private island and turned it into a meth based super economy.
http://clickingbad.nullism.com/

This is brightening my morning

[Amy P]