h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I wonder if that would have been better in a different form. I dislike it when there are caesura in the middle of Haiku lines. It is a good image though.

(Picky, picky, picky, I know).

B

Hi ben,

You're right about the caesura, particularly when it's between a particle and the subsequent word. Forcing the form alas. The alternative would be closer to the reality of what was there, as the sign was incomplete, i.e.

Something fluttering -
dying on the strand? Really?
A sign, "Pedestri..."

But I thought that was a bit obscure. Whatya think?

I have also changed the one about the armchair so the last line is now:
"barking at the sun," I felt "howling at the sun" was a bit portentous, too heavy for what was again a slightly comical image.

And here are today's:

Grey sea meets grey sky -
so seamlessly, cargo ships
hover in the clouds.


Razor shells clustered,
all perfectly parallel -
a single brushstroke.

( Just got rid of another caesura in that one!)

Cheers,

C \|/

I prefer 'Pedestri...' - it uses the form with accuracty and wit. I also like your floating ships. I've seen that.

B

Thanks Ben, yes, you're probably right about "pedestri..."

This haiku thing is beginning to become a comfortable for for me, allowing as it does of just one image/metaphor/simile. The paring-down to absolute minimum words is also a good discipline.

Off to London tomorrow for a family wedding and a visit to my lovely grand-daughter, so I guess I'll be off-line for a few days. Also off Sandymount Strand.

On my way home today I called in to see an elderly cousin ( 87 last birthday ) who recounted a story which gives a whole new slant to Irish republican history. Padraig Pearse, father of the 1916 Rising, is only ever shown in profile in photographs. Turns out he had "a woeful squint that would sour milk if he looked at it..." Perhaps if he hadn't had the squint, he might have had a cuddlesome girlfriend, and there might never have been a Rising!!!

One of my poems is going to be published in an anthology!

B

That's wonderful! Which poem, which anthology, when will it be coming out? Details, dahlink. I want details!

Congratulations, Ben. What anthology, published by whom when? Where is it available, and finally, which poem?

Haven't been on this thread for a while, but am still finding that haiku arise during my morning walks. I walked 17 kilometres this morning, in about three hours. I'm sort of wondering what my limits are. My feet didn't want to stop, even after three hours. Weird, who'd have thought it possible?

Cheers anyhow, and congrats again,

C \|/

Well, it is not as exciting as it seemed at first.

It is by a publishing house called Dogma Publications. However their books are not available via Amazon. I think they sit in an uneasy space between out and out vanity publications, (there is a degree of selection, and it seems that the selected poems are used regardless of purchase), and 'real' publication (they do not pay for contributions and they do not give their contributors copies of their books).

They seem to be a well-meaning and recently founded small publisher. I have sent them an email asking them politely and gently how they market their books, who their customers are and, most importantly, whether the books are reviewed in the LitMags.

I have not yet made up my mind about whether to grant them permission to use the poem. It is not one of my best, but not one of my worst, either.

Still, it is a nice decision to have to make.

B

Which poem is it?

C \|/

OOoops. Sorry.

http://www.bethcargill.co.uk/afterwords.shtml#hunger

Not one of my best, (it has but a single theme and no twist), but not one of the absolute worst, either.

B

Hi Ben,
Thanks for posting the link. An effective poem, if not your most striking. It all hangs on the last verse really, and, as so often, it's the repetition that makes it. But it's a simple thought, well expressed, so, basically, a good poem.

I still seem to be hooked into the haiku format at present. Somehow, as I said before, it seems to suit the kind of impressions and images that strike me as I walk along by bthe sea these morning

The walking addiction is getting pretty serious. I walked for three hours yesterday, to the lighthouse and back and then some more. Today I was feeling rather sore after that, so I cycled instead, two hours and 24 miles. Cycling isn't so good for poetry, probably bedcause you have to be more careful to watch where you're going, and are therefore that much less open to the scenery. But it was a glorious morning.

Here are four of the most recent.

1.

Tangled dry sea-weed
crouches on its tide-line web,
poised, ready to pounce.

2

Through the sun-flat haze
the ferry sails serenly
straight up the sky.

3

Subtle shape-shifter!
Yesterday a tall heron,
today just a stake.

4

Through the steady rain
suddenly a bright sun-burst,
sharp as a gun-shot.

Cheers,

C \|/

PS BTW could you email me your postal address as I have something to send you.

You are beginning to master the Haiku, I think. It is a slippery form, and one I don't have the patience for.

Email on its way.

B

Seconded.

Pattern-chaser

"Who cares, wins"

Thanks chaps,

As I said earlier, the form seems to suit the brief images that arise every now and again on a walk. It seems to be "one-thought" poetry, one image, one metaphor. And there's no room for even a spare syllable. The brevity is good for me, the concentration a much-needed discipline.

Cheers,

C \|/

Sorry, as ever, to drop in, and enjoying, as ever, the poetry, but-
Chai
It always seemed to me that haiku are usually about the conflict or parallels between two images - your own haiku, I think, bear this out:

(Image 1)"Grey sea meets grey sky -
(Image 2)so seamlessly, cargo ships
hover in the clouds."

(Image 1)"Razor shells clustered,
all perfectly parallel -
(Image 2)a single brushstroke."

Or am I mistaken?

I'm sure I've read that a haiku should draw some slightly surprising or unusual conclusion?

Pattern-chaser

"Who cares, wins"

Yes, actually, I thought I saw something about that, too. Or something about drawing an insightful parallel.

I am honoured that my haiku have become a subject of informed discussion, chaps. I'm finding the form both stimulating and challenging.

Obviously, there are traditional norms of haiku in Japan which probably draw on centuries of tradition and allusion which we don't possess. However, the basic idea, as I understand it, is that there should be an element of surprise, perhaps( in Japanese haiku ) a seasonal reference, and the convention that one line works on its own, while the other two are linked, ie part of the same phrase, or continuous.

I am happy to play with these rules. I abide by the strict syllabic count of 5,7,5 syllables, while noting that the Irish pronunciation of some vowels becomes diphthongs, and some diphthongs get compressed into single, if long, vowels. The imagery, indeed the poems themselves, arise usually from things noticed on my early-morning walks. My personal rule of thumb is that there is a single image/metaphor predominant in each poem, hopefully leading to a surprising, unusual, or possible humourous conclusion.

And that's my lot re the haiku. Walking helps. Haiku don't arise on my bicycle rides. The mind is too preoccupied with road safety to settle into the "open receptive" mode that seems to favour poetry.

Cheers,

C \|/

Here are the latest. I've been wondering about stretching the form, maintaining the overall seventeen syllable limit, but modifying the line-lengths. So far this temptation has mainly been resisited, but the emotional impact of the line length could be quite different.

The first one is 6/6/5, instead of 5/7/5

1
Curlews peck rain-green sand.
Clattering magpies watch
slugs run the gauntlet.

2(5/7/5)
If mating snails knew
how blind joggers mostly are,
they'd stay off the path.

3
Last days of August.
The scythe-wielding grey wind comes
singin summer's death.

C \|/

The snails one made me giggle.

B