h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Greetings, Sir Loin!
Although in my ministerial capacity I don't need an actual uniform, may I requisition a titanium-rimmed bowler hat and a swordstick brolly, please? A nice new Kevlar Saville Row pinstripe suit would also be useful.

stop trying to look like steed hes a ponce

Steed is Bob!

::: checks thread ::: Suddenly I'm popular or something!
::: in a slightly official sounding tone ::: Welcome everyone to the Thingite Armoury... as you can see we have armour and accessories to fit every occasion, from storming the Towers through our tunnel, to digging the tunnel itself. If you all would follow me, pick up your forms at the counter ::: points to the counter by the door, as he begins to stroll down the aisle ::: We have your chain mails, plate mails, and scaled armour. Over here, we have your short swords, cutting swords, sabres, rapiers, broadswords, claymores. ::: stops, and gazes lovingly at the various melee weapons ::: Moving on, we have ceremonial and traditional garb, including the titanium sporks. Back in the corner there, is a bin filled with the armour of famous knights... I highly suggest not using those, as most of the former owners are rather deceased. That aisle there houses the explosives and their equipment. C-4, dynamite, small shaped charges, hand grenades, and the like. Notice I have replaced the various breastplates, the aluminum foil ones have been relocated to the Thingite mess hall, and replaced with hardened steel, as have the others, but they have been coated with their various metals, Gold, Silver, Bronze... the list goes on, and I don't want to bore you. There are other items throughout the armoury, odds are, if you can think of it, I have it, or can scrounge for it. Please outfit yourselves as you see fit. ::: settles back in his Armoury Administration Swivel Chair (R) :::
Oh, and the high quality produce type catapults are located in aisle 3.57
-Gook, your friendly neighborhood longwinded Master at Arms

Before I slap you upside the head, I'd like to know if you outrank me, PF ...

I advise you not to do that untill you hear his answer!

I didn't even raise my hand ...

Of course I outrank you! I'm Minister of Defence and therefore you are at my bidding. However, I'm in awe and mortal terror of you so I humbly apologise for any offence. ::grovels pathetically at Shea's feet::

I think Steed is too, but I'm rapidly gravitating towards being a Latin American Junta-style Minister of Defence ::rattles medals, adjusts shades::

Ooo! That *was* pathetic ... I like it!

You may rise ...

err, thanks....I think

::backs off quickly just in case it's a trick::

::: looks over the goings on in the thread ::: Oh my...
Pf, I have your suit and bowler ready for pick up... the swordstick is taking a bit of time being customised.
-Gook

at PF

Any chance of a couple of pretty throwing daggers, Sir Loin?

::: walks through the armoury, looking on shelf upon shelf ::: Here we go. ::: pulls out a small selection of throwing knives for Shea ::: I would discourage using these against Pf, as it might tick him off.

Those two are nice ...

*takes two throwing knives*

Why oh why would I want to tick off PF?

*tests edges of knives*

Mmm, nice and sharp ...

::grovels yet again::
::pleads::

This is *so* degrading...

Thanks, Sir Loin, a perfect fit!
BTW, there is a shop which sells swordsticks IRL not so far away from the towers (New Oxford Street, if my memory serves me), though how many they sell, to whom and why is something of a bother to me.

You're welcome Pf... anything for the Minister of Defence.