Journal Entries
Still seems unreal
Posted Dec 2, 2005
I'm still unsure about posting this. It will probably bite me on the bum at some point in the future, but I just need to organise my thoughts somewhere.
My father-in-law passed away of bronchial pneumonia at 10:30am Sunday 20th November 2005, and his funeral took place at his village church yesterday, Thursday 1st December 2005 at 1pm - though we and Dad didn't actually arrive at the church until about 10 minutes late, which was fitting as Dad had hardly ever (possibly never) been on time for anything during his lifetime.
Dad had been in decline for at least two years, and we almost lost him about 18-months ago when he contracted Clostridium Difficile (C. Diff.) during what was supposed to be a short stay in hospital to alleviate symptoms of Diverticulitis. He ended up being in there for 3 months, followed by a 3-month stay in a rehabilitation ward. Because of this infection, he lost his last little bit of mobility and was left severely weakened in terms of his physical and constitutional strength, and his morale.
Dad's quality of life for the last 18-months had been growing increasingly poor, and it was clear that depression was setting in strongly too. Hardly surprising since he was becoming less-and-less able to do anything for himself any more.
I comfort myself that perhaps it was his time and he was ready to go. Then I feel guilty for this - how can anyone be 'ready to go'?
I'm glad for him that he's not suffering any more pain or the humiliation of having to have nursing care to the point where he was as incapable of self-care almost to the same level as a new-born, but how can I be glad? Isn't life like that preferrable to no life at all? He fought so hard to stay with us, and it seems so unfair that he had to suffer this way.
Dad was a wonderful human being; he didn't deserve to end up like that.
He was a great employer while he had his own business - as testified by the fact that his employees stayed loyal to him for decades, and came along to show their respects yesterday despite him having sold the business to retire almost 18 years ago.
He made me instantly welcome to the family even before J and I were married and was always there to help when we needed him, but never interfered or gave unsolicitied advice.
He was genuine, with no 'airs and graces', kind, patient, loving - though not in an openly demonstrative way, except with my son (his only grandchild) - generous, had a wry sense of humour, and was a genuine pleasure to know. He was quick to smile - a smile that was always genuine, infectious and lit up a room; it was impossible not to smile in return.
He died with my two brothers-in-law at his side - J and I were just 2 minutes too late in arriving, though I hope he knew we were on the way - peacefully and surrounded with love.
Dad will be loved and remembered by many people, not just the family, for a very, very long time to come.
I miss you, Dad, and love you more than I ever had chance to tell you.
Rest in peace. 
Discuss this Journal entry [11]
Latest reply: Dec 2, 2005
Not waving but drowning
Posted Nov 13, 2005
Now, I love this time of year usually. There's something about the crisp air of late autumn that makes me feel really alive.
The thing that's p***ing me off at the moment is that I can't let myself enjoy any of it.
I thought the reading load for uni was bad enough last year, but right now I truly am like a drowning man. Or should say woman, I suppose - but it doesn't have quite the same ring to it for some reason. (See - at least I'm keeping my sense of humour).
Honestly though, it's coming up to 22:15 on Sunday night as I type this, and I still have two whole books to get through before 10am tomorrow morning.
I have been really good and haven't procrastinated all day - I have been diligently reading since I woke this morning, and still don't feel as though I have made the slightest dent in what I need to get through.
OK so I'm here in H2-land right now, but if I didn't break away from reading for 10 minutes or so every couple of hours I wouldn't take anything in anyway.
What *is* my problem? I've always been a really quick reader, and it's not even as though what I'm reading is complicated with loads of big words that I can't understand - and if there were it takes no time to look them up on OED online!
I think my problem is my notetaking technique, to be honest; and that I can't skim read very well. And I really don't know what I can do about that. 
Discuss this Journal entry [7]
Latest reply: Nov 13, 2005
The Real me... or is it?
Posted Nov 7, 2005
Today, I tried a personality test that I hadn't come across before (from a link posted by Taliesin in GalaxyBabe's journal and reproduced here: http://www.perex.com )
Coming up are the results. They seem mostly pretty darned accurate, actually - particularly the one about how I communicate with my kids 
(my 'kid' sister often gets treated as though she's my own eldest, since she's 18 years younger than me 
poor lass!)
Modesty prevents me from commenting on the results - they'll probably give anyone that reads them and knows me a fit of apoplexy! 
___________________________________________________________________
"You are the absentminded professor, the same personality type (in at least one major system) as Albert Einstein. Plato said that the function of your type is to study nature and figure out ways to tame it. You see connections between concepts that others do not, and must sometimes stop to check in with your audience to see if you’ve made intuitive leaps that left them far behind. When you see a problem, you naturally apply technique or theory from an entirely different system and are the most likely type to make a conceptual, inventive breakthrough."
"Ever since you were a child you questioned those in authority, not explicitly trusting teachers or other leaders to really be qualified enough to deliver the instruction they were delivering. You were open to their thoughts, but quick to identify biases or knowledge gaps in those in authority positions."
** Made me think specifically of my Home Ec and Needlework teachers at high school! **
"In fact, skepticism is one of your defining traits. You don’t trust titular authority, appearances, beliefs, traditions, customs, reputation, degrees, or credentials awarded by any agency or school. This is not conspiracy thinking or suspicion of bad intent, but an honest impersonal belief that no one holds anyone or anything to the high, accurate, objective standard that you do. You will be the judge of someone’s competence and no prior ratings by anyone else will sway your impartial evaluation."
"You quickly brush aside prejudice, convention, custom and tradition for what works and produces results."
"You define time by the event, rather than the reverse. You are certainly capable of making and keeping appointments by clock time (although you’re often a few minutes late) but in your mind you are living in a time interval based on a concept, activity or stage which you can clearly define. For you, a time period ends when a certain activity ceases, when a goal is reached, or when your attention naturally shifts rather than when a certain clock alignment occurs"
"You are particularly concerned with the proper definition and usage of individual words. For example, you are likely to notice the error if someone describes something as “very unique.” If something is “unique” then it is incomparable to anything else. It can therefore not be qualified by the word “very,” because that word is necessarily used for comparison. You economize with language, using the fewest words, each highly defined, to get a point across assuming that others will feel bored or insulted if you over-explain."
"You are prone to understatement. You will always err on the side of saying slightly too little, estimating slightly more problems or more cost in terms of time or money, slightly less exciting or beneficial results. This is done completely logically and you could go into more specific estimations if you thought the receiver would take such predictions logically, realistically and unemotionally."
"Your special talent is understanding and optimizing complex systems. You can quickly explain how you personally fit into macro and micro social and economic machinery."
"You are objective and when your friends come to you they know they can count on you to deliver the blunt truth. You recover quickly, if flinching at all, when someone puts you down or criticizes you personally. You realize that either the critique was deserved and you intend to correct it, or the person delivering it was incorrectly biased or misinformed and therefore the criticism was inaccurate and inapplicable."
"You are known for your impatience with ignorance, incompetence, small talk, fake people, or too much time given to a small matter. You bring total involvement and attention to each moment in life."
"As a parent you encourage individuality in your child. You particularly enjoy debating topics with your child. You encourage your children to be original, think actively, and take action on their own. If you see your child taking an unrecommended path you are likely to suggest alternatives, but wouldn’t consider forcing them or demanding that they act differently."
"You face each activity with self-improvement in mind. While others think of games, work, even social events as a mere passage of time, you engage each activity as an opportunity to observe the nature of the event and further develop your mastery of the skills involved. For you, even relaxation is done with a sense of duty to optimize the rejuvenating effects."
"You are an intellectual and enjoy logical investigation and theory building. You are honored when someone asks you to explain the rationale behind your latest project, but often find the audience uninterested in nearly the level of detail with which you are capable of discussing."
"You respect yourself to the degree that you act independent of the impositions of other people. You would never just “go with the flow.” Your mind is always in motion and every action you take is by conscious choice."
"Your type becomes most obvious in traumatic, stressful situations. While the rest of the world goes insane, you are the one who remains calm and collected, mainly because you realize that this is the best mindset for understanding and resolving whatever issues are at hand."
"You are a true utilitarian. Your hallmark is your nearly empty refrigerator, containing exactly enough food for your next food interval and nothing more."
"You have a wide variety of hobbies which get sporadic attention. Others may become frustrated with the fact that you start many projects but finish few."
"Grade school can be particularly frustrating for your type because your desire to connect the music and mathematics lesson is out of the theoretical range of your respective instructors. You probably did quite well on standardized tests and found college style learning far more appealing."
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Nov 7, 2005
Zzzzzzzz
Posted Oct 21, 2005
Not sure what bit me, but I think I need to 
for a week or so.
If I'm not around, you know why.
Discuss this Journal entry [10]
Latest reply: Oct 21, 2005
Bye Bye Summer
Posted Sep 1, 2005
Well, there it goes... and what a lovely summer it has been, too.
We spent two lovely weeks in the English Riviera at the beginning of August, followed by a weekend in Glasgow for my brother's wedding - I am now a firm fan of Ceilidh music and dancing, though I don't think I'll ever be able to properly survive some of the more energetic spinning 
- and then back to the Riviera for another weekend. It has really done the 'other-half' good, since he was becoming exceedingly stressed out by the demands of his work again.
No. 1 son is becoming increasingly morose as the six-week holiday draws to a close, but is being buoyed up by the performance of the England team during the Ashes 
. He is determined that we are all going to join a local cricket club before too long, and it's probably a good idea - get us all mixing with a new group of people in RL, which can only be a benefit to the family (she says, hoping that they'll be a nice crowd! )
Have had my modules for Yr 2 confirmed and begun the laborious task of prep translations and reading ready for the first seminars. It will be really good to see my "study buddies" again; we had planned to meet up regularly during the summer break, but with all of us on holidays at different times it has been really difficult. Best laid plans of 
etc.
The summer has also been a fantastic time for gig announcements by my favourite bands! I have tickets to see Duran Duran at the NEC, to which I will be taking No. 1 son; Foo Fighters in Manchester, not sure who will be going with me to that one yet; and Duran Duran again at Earls Court, at which I will be accompanied by my old schoolmate and DD soul-sister. Problem is, none of them are til December, and then they're all within a week of each other, clustered around my birthday! Gives me a good reason to look forward to being a year older, though, eh? 
Discuss this Journal entry [7]
Latest reply: Sep 1, 2005
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