h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... paste sandwich. The un-named main charactor at that moment realised that the bag hanging from his/her/it's shoulder was not his/hers/its but a different cheap pink macrame bag containing vast numbers of purple lightning flavoured strawberrys which was inconvenient because...

...he/she/it was violently allergic to anything that was purple, lightening flavoured or strawberry. Thus discovered, the aforementioned un-named main character began rapidly growing huge rashes all over what (for the sake of arguement) Thomas thought he would call 'skin' (the un-named main character wasn't too sure about this, but agreed as he/she/it could always change it later)...

hmm, allergic, unfortunate, who could this be?

as the charactor swelled up like a balloon they began to float away and everyone had to grab him/her/it to keep them down. Unfortunatly for...

the starwberry flavoured purple lightning, the lightning flavoured purple strawberries fell out of whatsisface's (the nameless main character) bag and............

...and began leaping madly about yelling the word "moink!". Whatdoyacall'em (the still nameless and genderless hero of the current story) immediately deflated and returned to the shape and colour he/she/it had been before the allergy was discovered. Thus, the treatment for the allergy was discovered - lightening flavoured purple strawberries all leaping about yelling the word "moink!"...

but just then the starwberry flavoured purple lightning got attacked by the leaping and moinking lightening flavoured purple strawberries, with dire consequences. It called for help from the hero, crying "Help me Sam!", so the now named but still genderless hero decided to...

...sit down and have a small (but quick) ponder on what he/she/it was going to do about it. Eventually, Sam decided to...

bugger all about it,as the whole point of letting the strawberries out of the handbag in the first place was to vanquish the lightning......

...which it obviously hadn't. Thomas sat down to ponder upon his next move...

but didn't get very far in his pondering as he was interupted by a new thought: is there a point to this bloody story?!! Naturally, the answer came along in a most unexepected way...............

...as Sam sat down, he/she/it sat on an alarmingly pink achidna, which squeaked a very interesting squeak which was fluent English for...

...your wife is a big hippo. though sam had neither a wife nor a hippo he was extremely affronted and bemoaned the general lack of plot.

Then Sam had a weird idea - what if the sole point of the story was to insult the starter of the story, and "your wife is a big hippo" was just the start of a long line? But that wasn't quite right, because...

..surely Saint Angelwings was the starter of the story and she is perfection itself, though it may have been my idea...

but that obviously wasn't her plan as Jenny knew that S.A. would drop kick her into't midle o't next bloody week if she thought Jenny was insulting her. No, what Jenny really meant was............

...(and it was in fact Ming who made the first posting in the Story) that an interestingly pink achidna had been sat on by a character called Thomas and had consequently squeaked a squeak that in pink achidna language means nothing at all, but in English meant "your wife is a big hippo". Thomas, on hearing this started in surprise as only the previous night had he had a dream about marrying an abnormally large hippo, only to find he was...

...a hippo himself. But all this is irrelivant because at that very moment there was an almighty clap of thunder and a figure appeared.

it was the figure 8

... YES the figure 8 the strawberries...

...collapsed sideways and immediately became infinity. It then became incredibly paranoid, as making such a smooth and immediate transition from being a simple 8 to being all of infinity is something that has never been accurately described...