h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh Mister D oh Mister D (and Elektra)
Oh please do come for tea with me
Us girls are here in stripy socks
Plus the charming Mr Letterbox



I've got in crumpets plus Romanian butter
Damn, that ruined my rhyme
What on earth is Romanian butter?

Actually, best not to ask.

Ohmigod I'm regretting being alive at this moment.

Alive, zombie, I ain't fussy! And I'm not rhyming with that... Do like stripey socks though!

Romanian buttermilk can't be beat,
Don't buy their ice cream on the street
Or you'll get Decebal's revenge
And miss your trip to their Stonehenge.

A most rancid substance is Grecian butter,
'Oh, yuck!' and such, is what you'll mutter.
You'll claim it's goat's, or just plain old,
And run out to purchase Kerrygold.

What?? Zombie thing, oh no, help help I yelp

What?? What?? I mutter, I splutter, Mister D writes a rhyming poem about butter, this isn't possible but he did, plus he brings in Decebel and Stonehenge, their Stonehenge, to rhyme with revenge, not even our Stonehenge, he knows of other Stonehenges, how many are there in this world? and then there's the verse about Grecian butter, I mutter, I splutter, just soo poetic to bring in the Kerrygold at the end, now I'm round the bend, damn,I want to write a poem about butter, all I've got is mutter and splutter.

Yes, what does rhyme with zombie?

I know a sartorially regal zombie
Who buys his clothes at Abercrombie.
He's such a totes pretentious goombah
He even bedazzles his family's roomba.

(It's the election. Good news makes you lightheaded.)

I once knew an elegant zombie
Who liked to read Dickens's "Dombey."
His wisdom was great,
Piled high on a plate.
He shared it with Biden and Gandhi.

The sartorially regal zombie is now, officially, a legend.

A87941974

Been there, done it, knitted the t-shirt!

(checks for literary authenticity) (as if I would ever doubt mister paul )

Yup. Dombey and Son. Its official.

Not that I don't know my Dickens or anything. I do really, sort of, a bit, not really, I only ever got as far as an angelic Mark Lester saying 'Please sir can I have some more?'

heheh nice work paul. (bows and grovels, about the Dickens thing)

So we have some classy zombie characters appearing around here. Is this one bizarre tea party? Not really, its h2g2. hahah.

Hey Jo

'Thank the blank!' I say, as I stare at the blank page.

It's good to meditate on this vast, eternal Massive Space, in which I am a mere speck, a fleck.

Of course the Massive Space might beg of me to write on it and make it proud. It might be like a vast arena, waiting for a cheery crowd.

OK, well, here goes then.

*****end*****

Blank space/Massive mix

Photo design pending. What?? No excuse this time. All you have to do is photograph a blank page. Not that difficult ...

Of course you've knitted the t-shirt ...



I knitted a t shirt once. Actually I didn't. Its an interesting thought, a knitted t shirt. Can I have a knitted t shirt?

OK will read the proof later.

Have to go run up a hill.

OK, spoiler... Its actually a cardi!

I haven't knitted anything. Sorry.

I can't even figute out how to plug a battery into a smoke detector.

heheh. I like it, paul. If the smoke detectors you have in the US are anything like the ones we have here, circular devices on the ceiling, then changing the battery is .. is ....

I mean ... really .... (uh oh, cue smoke detector rant)..

What's the point of telling me in tiny print instructions on the lid that I need a screwdriver to loosen the lid, only once I've borrowed a step ladder from the neighbour so I can reach it, then I have to go find my glasses, now I have to go borrow a screwdriver.

Then I need earplugs because of the the intermittent cheeping sound that sounds like a weird bird is stuck in there, to tell me that my battery needs changing, which is what I'm trying to do.

Good invention though, for when my toast gets stuck in the toaster and my kitchen is full of black smoke, ohmigod

Ah, OK, the cardi ....

Escape From Abakhan, marvellous reading over breakfast in Cafe Stay Home.

Legendary lines ..

Snake grabbed the knitting pattern, stuffing it into his tight leather vest, and sauntered off to pop the kettle on…



For the first time in his life Henry Letterbox felt useless, impotent and totally out of his depth.

He wiped his eyes and stared accusingly at the pattern, somewhere along the sleeve he'd managed to drop several stitches ...........



Plus that illustration, mmmmm that illustration ....

Gotta get these epics read somehow, sorry for the plug!

Hey Jo

Inspired by a recent TV programme, I created a sonic fizz on my synth, entitled Fast Radio Bursts Emitted Via The Hydrogen Frequency.



The next day there was no TV signal in the neighbourhood.



'Uh oh' I thought. 'I shouldn't mess with frequencies I don't understand, just because they have poetic names.'

Fortunately, it turned out that a strong wind had damaged a transmitter, and all was restored.



I've decided that if I want to hear radio bursts of sublime cosmic significance, all I have to do is tune into Planet Rock.


********end*******

Sonic fizz mix//Hydrogen Frequency/True story///

Derrens accent is rather fizzy!