Journal Entries

Happy Birthday Part I

It's my h2g2 birthday today! I am officially 12. smiley - jester

In another 7 days on DeviantArt I will be 9 and then in 10 days in RL, I will be 27!

Lots of birthdays for me this month smiley - biggrin

smiley - teasmiley - cakesmiley - bubblyand party hats for all! smiley - jester

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Latest reply: May 21, 2012

"I must create a system, or be enslaved by another mans."

"I must create a system or be enslaved by another man's; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create."

- Blake, William

I feel enslaved by another man's system this week. We got the new computer system installed at work, so this week has been all training and madness created by running clinics and double clinics whilst trying to understand how to use the new programs. Everything's just kept piling up, cards, orders, diary transfers, pickups, post and everything else!

So I have just (and I mean just in the past ten minutes or so) finished inputting dozens of record cards information, which needed updated onto the new system. It had all been lying for a week, building up and building up and there hadn't been time to do it, so I had homework. Well, actually it was self inflicted, but I was sick of looking at them cluttering the place up. Also, as the youngest by 25yrs + of the staff, I have apparently been nominated as "tech girl" smiley - geek which I suppose is a compliment.

smiley - sleepy

Actually I think the new system will be a great time saver, but while we're getting used to it and trying to input all the data to make it work properly (for example, we can't send reminders until we have more cards updated, this, in a 21yr old practice, you can imagine isn't easy and may involve going through the cards one by one! smiley - yikes) anyway, I think I will be feeling smiley - sleepy a lot of the time.

I miss my lazy student/depressed slacker days! smiley - laugh

Bed time now, shall answer h2g2 related post at some point tomorrow.
Night night smiley - zzz

Discuss this Journal entry [1]

Latest reply: May 12, 2012

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...

...And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost

I've got this is my head today, not matter how much Adam & Joe jingles I try to push it out with. Don't get me wrong, I love this poem, it's one of my favourites, but today I have to choose between two paths, and I don't don't know how to decide.

At the end of the week, my dad asked me if I would seriously consider training as a dispensing optician, rather than them hiring one in the middle of their training, thus keeping the business in the family. And it is a great opportunity, one I've thought about before even though the idea of going into optics has never been a dream, but with dad as an optom, with a business of his own, it always seemed like a sensible path, one which I would be guaranteed a decently paid job with, especially as my dads business partner's children have also both gone through the course and therefore have jobs.

But if I pursue it, that's the dream gone. No more jewellery, no more thinking about PhDs and teaching at an art school, no more thinking about creating and being a jeweller, owning a shop, selling pieces I've made to people who will love them.

When I was seven, I sat with my friend Dawn and we both agreed that the only path we wanted to take was to go to art school and be designers. I know that's ridiculous, but it's true, we were sitting designing dresses on the slabs in front of my house, enjoying the summer sun and from then on, my goal was to get to art school, in particular DoJ and be a designer. And I got there, I did my bachelors and my masters and since leaving, I know I've floundered, I know I've gotten depressed and let it all get so on top of me that in the end, even though I want to be creative, I'm so blocked I can't be.

Over the past year I've been contemplating that there will come a point, where the line in the sand will be drawn and I would have to make the decision to let my dream go and just get a job so life could move forward. I just didn't think that that time would come now.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, but unlike Frost, I don't know which to travel. I know the sensible choice, but I don't know if I can let the dream go.

I know sod all people read my journal, I don't think many of my old friends on here are here anymore and the rest probably deleted me from their friends lists years ago, but I don't know what to do and I haven't spoken to any of my friend RL friends in so long, I don't have anyone outside my family to talk too right now and I don't know what to do.

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Latest reply: Apr 2, 2012

a very sad day

It's been a bad day today. We had to have our cat put to sleep.

Misty was the last of four. And I'm glad she got time on her own. She'd always been a grumpy mare, at least once we got the other two and she and her brother were no longer on their own. But when the first two died, she calmed and then when Dizzy died, she was so relaxed, she was happy and calm and her temper tempered and she became a funny and lovely cat. We'd never realised quite how ridiculously funny she was before then.

She's also been one of the few things, that when I've been really depressed, has helped to lift me by yowling in my face, clambering for attention or eating treats from chopsticks.

Mini was nearly 18. The equivalent to 90 in human years and had been fine until Monday. Yesterday she'd picked up (the vet had given her something hoping it would means she would improve) and we had a good day. I'm glad we had a good last day with her.

I went with mum and petted her as she went. It was peaceful and quiet and it was the right decision. I couldn't let mum do it on her own, even though it was hard and I can't stop bursting into tears.

The house seems so empty now. For eighteen years, which is most of my life, she's been wandering around the house, getting under foot. The dawn chorus being her meowing for food and there's always been one of them there.

I know people say cats are nonchalant and don't really care about their owners as long as they're fed, but they're wrong. I have had four cats and they were each different and wonderful. They have huge, complex personalities, they're funny and intelligent, they know when you're upset and know exactly how to wrap you around their little finger and they become a huge part of your family. At least they have in ours.

I really want a Mini cuddle...and I can't have one again.

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Latest reply: Mar 3, 2012


I started my new job today, to be fair, it's the job I've been doing for years and in fact is exactly the same job I had when I left here...but it's a job. And getting paid properly rather than it just being favours.

It's my old office job doing filing and writing up clinics, tidying and doing stuff on the's not jewellery, but it's a few hours a week to get some money put away towards buying materials.

This doesn't include the windows, so that's a little extra money from that.

I wish I'd kept my job with my jewellery tutor, or at least I had the confidence to go and ask if he needed any help, paid or unpaid. I miss that job and I could do with being back in a jewellery environment. I also miss my designer in residency, I loved teaching and being in the uni...I miss uni.

smiley - sigh

Work is good. Being out the house is good. Money is good. This will help me get better. I hope.

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Latest reply: Feb 21, 2012

Back to Emily...overly fond of the ellipsis...and top ten lists...submit yours @ A87824361...'s Personal Space Home

Emily...overly fond of the ellipsis...and top ten lists...submit yours @ A87824361...

Researcher U129266

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