h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

But at least your given a local anethestic.

*secretly hopes it hurts*

it'll be fine, in out and you'll be good as new...although maybe if you ask nicely they'll sort anything you find bad out

*is in a sadistic mood*

It may just be me but I fail to see how a smear test can be compared with surgery.

Ok perhaps the indignity factor is the same but to say the two are the same is like saying that going to the dentist for a check up is the same as having your wisdom teeth removed.

Or have I missed something?

It's not really, UH will have to go in once, it'll be uncomfortable, but under a general, women go in once a year for years.

Again, I don't know much about much but I'm pretty sure smear tests are every three years or so ... they're not an annual thing.

One is surgery, the other is a check up - albeit a fairly intrusive one.

I'm not belittling the plight of the female gender ... promise. I wouldn't want a stranger tampering with my bits even if it is only every three years ... although I have to say in a toss up (could be a poor choice of words) between that and having knives taken to my knackers, I'd choose the former.

Actually I'm not sure how often it is (never having had one and really not looking forward to having to have to have one) but come on this is a once in a life time thing for him, women get this throught their lives, plus they get hormonal and bleed for anything from three days to three weeks of the month...

even if the smear test is just a checkup and doesn't take a long time, you're still lying with your legs up and open with someone having a good look in between...

not exactly flattering

[Takes a quick look at the backlog to this place and decides that it has taken a decidedly /mingy/ twist...]

Please, no-one be offended, but my morbid curiosity thing is giving me trouble...

Why is UH having his scrotum sliced open, what happens in a smear test, and do /men/ (no, no! ) ever have to go through anything like it? (Ick ick ick they don't tell you about /this/ in the scouts...)

Actually, I'm now getting a bit scared... Lumping all this together into the logical conclusion, I come to this: UH is, in fact, /having/ the male version of the smear test, which is far more horrible than any woman could ever imagine. Worse than birth, even - and did anyone here see 'Scrubs' last night?

(something like this , this and this all mixed together, with a bit and a dash of /je ne sais quoi/ added for dramatic effect)

I could possibly look some of this up, but I might find some weird and embarassing pictures, which aren't the sort of thing I want to conjure up in a library.

I think that the conversation about sex was less disturbing...

- Jordan

Okay, UH is not having a male version of a smear test

I don't think men do and if they do it's much later in life.

what happens in a smear test...

I don't think I can explain it

Phew...

I'm not going to have a smear test! Never ever! I'm too scared! So there! [ to the nurse of Satan]

Come to think of it, do I really want to know?

[Thinks a bit]

Yup, I'm pretty sure that I do. Just so that next time I see a girl grimacing at the doctors, I can say 'Uh-huh, she's just had performed on her genitals.

And because the whole thing sounds kind of weird. Like periods, only induced.

And when I know, we can talk about numeracy in relation to Frank Herbert's Sardaukar. We can also speculate on why there are never any female officers...

- Jordan

^?

^I really ought to preview...

Okay, basically they scrape cells from your cervix whilst you sit with your legs wide open in stirrups

err, does all this backlog mean you have to have a smear test 5 years after you 1st period even if you're still a virgin??????

I guess so...it's a scary thought

STIRRUPS?!?

I've heard of treating people like animals, but that is just sick, sick, sick...

Do they use a knife, or is it a special cell-scraping tool?

I really pity the whole girlie gender. First someone violates them with metal implements, then a whole load of people sit and watch as her vagina is ripped by a human head, the climax of several hours of labour...

I suddenly see why they have feminine wiles - it's compensation.

- Jordan

isnt it looking for cancer or something? no idea.

however, the suggestion, em, that 'itll be fine' is a gross mistake. 'it' wont be fine. 'it' will mean that i probably wont be able to sit down in comfort for up to a week. or, for example, go to the loo. good thing im not sexually active right now, eh?

The nurse said 5-6 years but being cautious I would go more than the 5 years for my smeer test. They have different sizes of instruments so if the first vagina opener hurts they will insert a smaller one. It hurts slightly (I would lie on this onw) but it is done very quickly and you would hardly feel a thing. I suppose if you are sexually active then it must be every 3 years. I do admit the idea of a male scrutum test fills with dread as my dad had one and I was very worried. I would like to say that I am unsymphathetic to men who have to go throught the scrutum test. I hope that Uncle Heavy's test goes well & it is not too traumatic (hopefully he won't be on his own & that some one a friend etc will go with him.

Ouch - and I thought having a tooth pulled was bad...
Is there a smiley? Well, we'll soon see.
But why? (Ignore if I'm violating some medical/social no-no by even talking about it...)
Me, I kind of wish I was castrated before I got to puberty. Think - it would make no determinable difference to my sex-life (though it'd be a good excuse to extract myself from unwanted interest ) and, despite the slight drawback that I would no longer be able to stand up, I could sing castrato. I mean, soprano, but I'm not going to delete it 'cause the mistake's too funny. (It doesn't take much...)
Can you tell I now have too much time on my hands in which to feel sleepy?

- Jordan

*feels vaguely at thought of the smear test*

*feels also*

*and according to her calculations, she may have to go have one soon...* *worry*