h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*sea contemplates the thickness of the soles of her combat boots, and the strength of the doll, then decides not to take her chances and jumps on a chair, johnny in hand*

The doll's red eyes glare up at sea. Suddenly, the grating above it begins to smoke with the sharp smell of solder...it glows red hot, withers and dissolves. As it *clinks* cool, the Maestus doll rises up through the cloud of thick blue smoke. It steps to one side and alights the undamaged grating.

*sea puts johnny on her shoulder, runs over to evillene, and grabs her. sea reaches into her pocket and pulls out a rather large knife, and holds it to evillene's throat*

[sea] one more step and she'll have a gaping hole to breathe through.

*the doll stops and looks at her. it starts to move and sea presses the knife to evillene's throat. evillene gasps and the doll stops again*


must be rather amusing to watch sea hold an invisible woman hostage...

The doll grins. It holds out it's palms. It grins some more, and it's eyes flare black. Sea tenses her arm...

[evillene] You little...Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...!

The doll's shiny spatz lift from the floor to take a step forward...

.

.

.

But suddenly, it stiffens into the shape of a normal cloth doll, topples, and falls to the floor, lifeless.

*sea stares at it for a moment, then lets go of evillene and puts her knife back into her pocket*

[evillene] you little--

[sea] bite me. you're the one who sent it after me in the first place!

[evillene] oh yeah? well... um...

[sea] ha! so there! blondie!

[evillene] my hair is BLACK!

[sea] tell them whatever you want, but i can see the truth...

[evillene] SHUT UP!

*sea grins triumphantly. johnny, still sitting on her shoulder, grins as well*

*Looks up from his heap. Gurgles a bit. Falls down once again. His overcoat appears to be on fire*

Death Avocado has throughout this time been hooking a packet of bleach into the intake valve of the Vegetable Launcher. He clicks a switch; the reservoir fills with the sticky goop.

[Death Avocado] Have at you! Yeah, that's right, BOTH of you! Hahah!

*sea and evillene glare at each other. johnny watches DA suspiciously*

*tension builds*

DA shakes the vegetable launcher menacingly.

[Death Avocado] Erm...hahah! Enguard!!

He pulls a small lever; some pipes gurgle and fill up a bit more.

*NYC, having stared at this little interchange for a bit, decides it would have been a lot more interesting with popcorn*

wow.

*sea glances at DA*

[sea] wait... did he just put bleach in there?

*evillene's eyes widen*

[evillene] *whispers to sea* do we know how bleach affects my invisibility?

[sea] *whispers back* um... no... i don't think we did any tests in that regard...

*evillene hides*

[sea] *sighs* wimp...

*sea turns to face DA. johnny runs and hides*

[sea] johnny! *shakes head* he doesn't want his fur to get bleached.

*Reads the packet instructions*

[DA] Hmm...do not apply to naturally blonde hair...green colouring may occur...

*GRIN*

*kaCHUNK-SWISHHHHHHhhhh*

[DA] EAT PEROXIDE!!!!

*sea screams until the peroxide hits her, then clamps her mouth shut. she is covered from head to toe by the mixture. the result is immediate due to the peroxide's undiluted state. sea's hair turns slightly green, then after a moment, it turns white. her clothes are spotted white, they then soak up the peroxide and become fully white. sea looks down, then looks back up at DA and everyone in the room*

[sea] i feel funny... really, really funny...

*suddenly, a strange thing happens. one side of sea turns back into the normal sea, but with black hair. the other side stays white. then, with a loud ripping sound, the two sides split in two and become two seperate seas. one good- white, one evil- black. the two seas stare at each other, then scream*

confusing. so... if I were to get hurt, which one of you would heal me?

*the good sea takes the oppurtunity to scream at NYC and tackle him*

*punch*

*kick*

*scratch*

*the black sea watches the fight curiously. evillene crosses over to her*

[evillene] so... what just happened?

[black sea] sea just split in two. i'm her bad side, she's her good side.

[evillene] so now there are two halves of sea walking around?

[black sea] exactly.

*johnny looks at the black sea, then at the white sea fighting NYC, then back again. he is confused, and runs off to sea's house to hide until the world goes sane again*

both seas are bad, it's just that the white sea posesses sea's good qualities and the black sea possesses the bad qualities...

I guess NYC's a natural deterrant...

*the white sea grabs NYC by the throat and shakes him*

[white sea] i can't believe all you can think about is which of us is going to heal you when you get in fights! can't you think of anything worthwhile?! you could be thinking of how STUMPED is supposed to be taking over the world!!!

*the white sea throws NYC to the ground and stands up*

[black sea] wow. i never thought she had it in her.

[evillene] me neither. maybe sea's not as big a wimp as i thought.

[black sea] watch your mouth! i don't like you, and i won't put up with your crap they way sea did!

*evillene's eyes widen*

[evillene] so, you finally grew a pair! congratulations!

*the black sea smacks evillene across the face*

[black sea] you watch yourself, bitch... you and i may be related, but that doesn't mean i have to be nice to you.

*the black sea stalks over to NYC, helps him up, and heals his bruises. the white sea walks over to evillene*

[white sea] are you okay?

[evillene] uh... yeah. *smiles and looks at the black sea* i think i'm going to like that girl...

*the white sea sighs and helps evillene up*

[evillene] so if she's bad, then what are you?

[white sea] um... think of it this way. good cop, bad cop. all cops are good, they're officers of the peace. but one is not as good as the other. that's like us, but on the other end of the spectrum. i'm evil, but not nearly as evil as she is.

[evillene] aah, i get it...

*cough*

well, how am I supposed to take over the world if I can't even deal with a simple bullet wound? and why, black sea, would you heal me? how is it the opposite of good-cop-bad-cop?

oww... I've got a headache, and it's all your fault.

[black sea] she beat you up.

[white sea] we're opposites, but we clean up after each other. if she breaks it, i fix it.

[black sea] and vice versa. if she fixes it... i break it.

and if I get hurt by someone OTHER than you two, and one of you heals me, and I doomed to be beaten by the other?