h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yes, I agree, it is very useful.

Ah, but you haven't yet beaten me have you?! So you haven't not been beaten!

Cool. You do that.

OK then! *grins* Does that mean I can safely forget about it?

*evil grin* Hee hee!

¦M¦

One of the secrets of success.

I, uh, no, but I haven't...erm... something either.

I shall indeed. Rest assured!

Well, um, it'd be nice if you didn't, but hey.

You won't catch me out like that again! I assure you that from here on out all mistakes I make are merely typos.

I shall have to remember that!

*grins* Heh heh heh...

Excellent, excellent!

Don't worry, I shan't forget about it completely.

OK then. I probably won't bother to check though, and my grammar isn't exactly perfect...

¦M¦

It'll get you far through life, that one rule, you know!

Bah, humbug! You beat me there, but there only!

You can rely on me - I'll always pester you with such things.

Ok then. Hope you read it soon. If you like I'll send you what I have so far on my computer. Well, sort of, it's a bit muddled up...

Good, good.

It will? Excellent, how many other people know this?

I did actually beat you then?


OK then.

*grins* Not if it's muddled. Wait till you've got it all sorted so you're mostly happy with it before letting anyone see it.
But I will do my best to remember at a time that I actually can read it.

*grins again* I don't normally, but because you were talking about your intelligence... I just coudn't help it!

¦M¦

Shh... it's our little secret.

Yeah, but don't tell anyone! They won't believe you! Bwuahahahaha!!

Oh yes! It's true!

OK doke. Hope you like it! It doesn't quite fully represent what I'm capable of writing, but still...

*Notices she likes to grin. Well, nowt bad about that, eh? *
Yeah yeah, always trying to dig up the dirt on me, eh?

Oh, OK then.
*looks round suspiciously for lurkers or eavesdroppers*

Then I shall point them to this conversation!

I know it's true! You'll be pestering me again in two days when the Post comes out again...
BTW Did you get my questions?

Don't worry about it! Everything has to go through one draft.

What?? I am /not/ always trying! I thought we'd established that already! That time was pretty much a once off.

¦M¦

*Also looks around, but can see no one.*
I think we're safe for the moment...

No! If you do that they'll find out about our secret to life!

You bet I'll be pestering you!
Yup, got your questions. I'll spread them out over the coming weeks. The first few of your questions from your first e-mail have been answered, and the code for this issue of Ask Prof is currently winging its way to Shazz, electronic mail style.

This is true. I also note that it has to go through about five other drafts, and then editing.

Was it? Hmm... I'll have to keep my eye on you from now on...

Hmmmm... *peers intently at a wall* I hope so...

Then they'd better believe me! Which means you'll have to say yes I did beat you!
Heh heh heh...

Excellent, excellent! I'll read it tomorrow then. And think up some more questions.

Yep!
And possibly many many more drafts.

Why?

¦M¦

**NEW TOPIC**
*Cowers after hearing her evil laugh by e-mail.*
That's excellent, that is! I've still got to put mine online. I've been unable to make them as my parents have been in all the time. I think I should be able to record them and bung them online tomorrow.

Never fear! I'll keep them out! *Puts on a valiant hero-smile.*

Hmmm... Stop beating me! It's so unfair!

LOL! I've got enough for... *counts* ...four issues now.

Ah well. I'm in the writing mood now, having started to read Jeeves & Wooster again (PG Wodehouse seems to start me writing!), so I'll probably enjoy it!

Because I don't trust you'll stop trying to point out my flaws. You're already trying to beat me, as evidenced above.

You think so?
Awww! Evil parents!
I shall expect an e-mail tomorrow then!

OK... *frowns at the wall and stops peering at it*

*evil laugh*

See above.

It does? Cool! *wonders if that would work for her...*

Oh OK... and I'm not /trying/ to! I /am/!!
Heh heh heh...

¦M¦

Very well then. I'll include both laughs (Bwuahahahah and Nyeheheheh) in two MP3 files. I assume you can download them from your e-mail? I'll make them small and quick to download.

There's an infinite number of monkeys outside you want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out... no, sorry, they want to steal our life's great secret!

*Cowers, knowing it to be truly evil.*

*Cowers further down. So far down in fact that he burrows into the ground. Don't worry, he can get out by standing on the printed e-mails you've sent. *

I'm sure it would! PG Wodehouse is a truly excellent writer, and his comedy both lightens the mind and gets one ready for writing. It's also an inspired writing style, which seems to rub off on me.

Ooh, you're gonna get it! Two evil laughs soon to be thrown at you down my ADSL line, don't forget!

Yep, I can download them... tomorrow I'll be able to, so long as they are little. But I might not be able to listen to them, so that's no good... ermmm... don't worry, I'll get them somehow... maybe I'll have to get up early Friday morning...

Arrggghhh!!! Keep them out! Keep them out!!

Hee hee!! That good, huh?

Excellent! I'm glad they have a use!

Hmmm... I'll see if I can find any books then.

Arrggghhhhh!!!
*clears a space under the table for a quick retreat*

¦M¦

As long as you here them eventually. It's my turn to scare you!

I'll do my best!
*Teleports out of the... room? ...and tries to hold high-level peace talks with the monkey leader.*

Oh yes, it was! I'm sure you could scare anyone into submission by playing that!

You bet they have a use now!
Your questions are in the column now.


Yeah, they're really hoopy!

Pah! You can't escape from my laughs down there!

I've got the e-mail, but I was right, I won't be able to download them or hear them tonight. *sigh* Ho hum...

*wonders what's happening*

Oh yeah? When I do that IRL people just give me a strange look. Unless they know me. Then they don't even do that... *sigh*

*grins* OK, I'll read it soon.

Excellent!

Yes I can! The plug's down there!

¦M¦

Ah well... I hope you hear them tomorrow. Try not to cringe too visibly.

Don't worry, I'm just drafting up a peace treaty here, to make them go away.

Hmm... You'll have to put on an evil face as well as the laugh then.

Good, good. Jam packed, this issue, and promises to be so next week.

One of the true classic authors, Wodehouse.

Hmm... looks like I'll have to come round and haunt you myself then.

*sigh* I hoped I'd hear though today as well, but I didn't.
I WILL hear them though. *determined look*

Cool.

Well... I rub my hands together...

*huge grin* I just sent you questions from this week's issue!

Cool. I have no idea...

Argh!! No!!
*runs-away-very-quickly*
Well, maybe...

¦M¦

Hmm... well, determined looks are always better than cringes. I'm sure you'll hear it soon.

Ah yes, they're leaving now. No doubt some of them will try to find me on the Space Station and try to show me their script again. I'll never tell them our secret though!

Heheh, I do that too. Well, put on an evil grin as well.

Ah, excellent! I've read the two questions, and the latter is truly one I'd love to answer! Not that I wouldn't want to answer any of your questions of course.
I think, due to the link between those questions and this issue, I'll have to edit your e-mails and bunch different questions together, just to make it spread out easier.

Well... get reading!
Unless, of course, you're finishing Pratchett.

Maybe, eh? You might not mind me haunting you, eh? Eh?

I will! I swear I will haer them soon!!

Oh good. You keep them out of the Space Station!!

I think it's difficult to do whats meant as an evil laugh without doing one or the other. I guess I sometimes do my psychopathic face though...

I thought you'd like that one!
Yes, that sounds sensible. I was wondering if you ought to do something like that today.

*sigh* I still haven't got past the first book. *mutters about evil libraries*
Maybe I ought to read something else while I'm waiting...

*grins* I don't know. I don't know your RL self, only your VR self.

¦M¦

Good, good. No worries.

I shall. Nothing can get into my Space Station unless I will it to!

*Wonders what that looks like. *

Hmm, once again our like-mindedness is proven!

Don't worry. I read my Pratchett book about two years ago, and I still remember what happened. You'll find that reading books inbetween the Diskworld stories won't distract you from the plot.

My RL self? Oh, he's alright, you know? Kind of like my VR self, only without the Space Station, Watch and archenemy aliens.
You'd like him.