h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Quietly wishes Sultandude's liver the "best of British luck" as it'll probably be needing it!*

Cheers evryone! *Pours out a tray of drinkies and passes it round*

"You got that right hon. Actually it was a pretty average evening, nothing like the spectacular that had been muted. Still, the beer was free. Had a row with the boss over the security arrangements and had the guards placed outside instead of inside peering at everyone. Subtle and inobtrusive works for me. In your face, never. Anyway it's Christmas eve in the workshop,
Behind those dreary walls,
The foreman was taking the roll call,
When someone shouted Balls!
I'll give you balls you b*****d,
You ungratefull little Sod,
There'll be no Christmas Pud for you,
I swear by almighty God
But Balls stood firm
For his balls were made of brass
You can take your Christmas Pud he said
And park it where the sun don't shine.

Thank you for the nice compliment & smooches Sultan dude!

Pierce I have gifts for everyone & since you are the Captain I shall start with you. (please excuse all errors as I have had enough vodka for three of us, I shant say which three
Okay Pierce, here you are my Luv. A bicycle with a removable sturdy, clear plastic 'cab'. On the control pannel there's heat, AC, CD, cassett player & an 8-track! (that was hard to find). Here's a bootlegg tape of 'Circus' & Neils Loufgrin's 'Best Of' CD (to remember me by) Oh you can also switch it over to power drive & a gsoiline powered thingy starts up & you can give yourself a rest whilst you have a nice little drinky from the tip-out mimi bar to the side. There's a three year or 30 thousand mile warrenty. Just push the color button to change the color of the bike to suit your moods. Throws her arms around Pierce, kisses him as though she's got her soul involved. *whispers, "Merry Christmas , you cheeky male tart, you. Thanks for making the past few months such fun. I love you." *he abruptly stands & drops her on the floor. "ouch!" NOOO NOT LIKE THAT!!! quick, get some water for Pierce...starts fanning the poor chap...I've heard of 'gun shy' but this is redic...hmm, the color is coming back into his face, Ahhh, just a mild MI (heart attack* snicker*). I'll be more careful how I word things with that one. *giggle*

Gwennie, your next! *Gwennie jumps up knocking Pan under the chin with her boney head. Pan's teeth slam together-CHOMP- *wow, good thing my tongue wasn't bitten right off! I hope you like this. I bought it for you because I thought you'd have alot of fun with it...*rubs the goose egg forming on her chin*...now that I think about it though, this just may keep you (or those around you) *rubs chin* safe!!!! Lookie...it's a sealed matalic jumpsuit that has pockets to fill with helium gas!! *rolls out double tanks on a hand truck with hoses that attach to valves in the 'Float Siut' (TM) Wanna' give it a try? At least whilst you're in the ship there's no danger of you floating any higher than the ceiling. This is the perfect place to find just the right amount of poundage to put in the pockets. Then you can hang onto the doggie's leashes & go for a float. That should keep your feet warm & dry in all Season's. Please be careful, & promise to wear this at all times when wearing the Float.Suit. *hands Gwennie a helmet with a leather & elastic chin strap.* There's a CD player in the top of the helmet & a 'Micaeal Jackson'-
'Thriller' CD ready to go. Oh, best tell you that I've cast a small spell that shall, much like Pierce's bike, changes the color of yer helmet when your mood changes...it's on speed dial*
(everyone stay away when the hement is BLACK!!! Much Love & Many Hugs! Holds Gwennie with their faces against
eachother's while everyone snaps pictures. XOX~Pan

Sultandue I've thought about this long & hard. You know that BJ you were asking about the other evening at the Crossed Purposes Pub? That's what I had decided to give you. Then, a few more Christmas cards arrived from former lovers. And I realized the Season is all about giving...and Baby, oh- how I love to give. Yesiree.. Then I saw your picture again. I realized there was no way I could EVER do that to you!!!!!! Man, what was I thinking, I'm sorry, I very nearly made a horrible mistake that would have haunted you for the rest of your life! What a close call! Care to join me in a nice strong drink? I think a Sparkeling Pussy would hit the spot ...so instead of the BJ I'm giving you this luverly assortment of Super Thursty Towels.
The towels also change color with your mood. I hope you have many happy years in these towels. If you notice some are longer than the others...the very short towel has a, er, um, 'holder'
right wher it's needed in the front! They ALL have a pocket, some have a pocket on either side. Enjoy. Give Sultandude a VERY nice slow Merry Christmas Kiss oOoOoOoOoOoXxXx


Mari-rae I hope you lik this...I had this custom made by bushmen in Au. It's made of an indigenous (sp?) wood that stays a bit green as the bark is on it & it's a bit bouncey. It's a hanging chair, (reminds me of a cage) with a reversible cusion. It's deep greens of leaves & vines on one side & dark peach with truquoise eyelit trim on the other...it looks as if there's a pattern on the limbs that form the chair but they are actually words burned into the bark: 'Painting Fox'...repeatedly. There's a
three way light at the top that's moveable. A mirror on the top of the chair looking down at you. "Wha'?" And there's a CD player that holds six CD's. Ther speakers are by Pioneer and are in either side of the head rest. There are ropes to hang the chair, or you can place it in a bottom unit that cradles the chair. And it's a double wide, so you can share. Merry Christmas my Dear friend we really owe our friendship to Gwennie
Come here & give me some sugar XOXOXOXO Love ya'~Pan

"What's that Sultandude? You want to know WHY I could never give you a BJ? Well as I said I thought it over. And you're still young and handsome. I just couldn't do that to you... because once you'd had the best, you'd NEVER be totally satisfied again & I just refuse to be responsible for ANOTHER poor man never being satisfied again, it's just too much of a burden for me to carry. Oh, here, gift certificates one for you & one for Pierce, an hour each! Forgot I had em whenever we stop on 'Elbane-69' you each have an hour at 'Lacie's Lick -N' -Wash'. Enjoy~Pan

Happy Holidays!!!!!!! XOXOXOX GROUP HUG!!!!!




;

"Wow! I won't even try to compete with that. Erm.....thanks for the super trusty towels Pan. BTW I think Princess Toy has got some Christmas cats, she said she wanted some, check out my space when you get time."

With Love
Sultandude

*Jumps in her swing chair and gives a push with her foot. Puts Beethoven's Waldstein Piano Sonata into the CD player and cranks the volume. Wishes she had a honey with her on the ship to share her swing.*

Thank you Pandora!!!! I LOVE IT!!!

*Traces the words Painting Fox with her finger.* Perfect!

"Erm.......am I missing something here?"

"I have the mother of all hangovers today dudes. However, I managed to get my oysters and last night even if I did'nt get any nookie, I was one happy camper. Tomorrow morning starts my return to paradise and the warmth of Princess Toy."

"What colour is my towel today?"

"Girls be aware, Sultandudes Xmas Eve photos are now in his space. I won a camera and a walkman in the Xmas raffle and I only bought 5 tickets as I never win anything. Do you think my luck may be changing?"

Love
Sultandude

Oh...of course your luck is changing...look at the company you've been keeping

I won something too, the girls already know, but I'll share with you Dude type fellows. I won a 2000 square ft lot in Mexico on resort property! I have use of the private white sandy beach!!! As most know, I've been dreaming about leaving my husband & running off to a beach somewhere & building a cottage. This lot is perfect! Right across the road from the Ocean! I've also won two plane tickets to anywhere in the US, Canada or Mexico!!! I can hardly wait to go see my land!! Whhhheeeeee!!!
Looks like my NEW Year will REALLY be a 'new year'! And once I build my place-all ya' all can come for a visit!!!! Major PARTY!
*skips around singing: "I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy. I'm happy...so happy, so happy am I..."

Sultandude, is there a trick to viewing your page? Iam unable to click on the picture of your lady Luv?!? Nor can I view the go-go bar-wonder if it's 'cause I'm in the blue goo??? If you get the chance & think about it, will you send me her picture? A pic of you both together would be nice...for my wall of 'FAME' . On the long wall behind the pool table I have pics of many friends, on the short wall I have pics of friends pets...if your gal got cats for Christmas, they would be welcome on the 'pet wall'.
0 <----that's a [email protected]
If you think of it. Anybody know why Iam unable to view more than his 1st page?

Have a wonderful & safe New Year Dudes. I may be a bit too loaded to make sense with a keyboard ~XOX Pan

Lady Luck is visiting both of you. Happy to hear about your unexpected winnings!

...there's PLENTY of luck to go around, after all MOST 'luck' is made!

"Congratulations on winning the plot Pan, sounds fab. About not getting past the 1st page Pan, that's all there is so far. Hope everyone has a good New Years Eve party. I have a meeting at 07:45 and then I'm off to Libreville to lounge around on the beach, then off to Paris tonight. Will be back in the arms of the lovely Princess Toy Thursday afternoon. Lucky me."

All the best for 2001
Sultandude

He sure gets around a lot, doesn't he?

Well, Pan. Want to share my swing? You know what? You and I could take this ship and fly it anywhere we want to. Pierce isn't home, Sultandude just left. Gwennie is napping. Where should we go?

Thanks, Pan - I'm already on my way to try out the bike

Damn! Pierce is back.

Oh, hi there Pierce! How was your Christmas? (all innocent) Did you have a good holiday? Its so good to see you back again!

*Crawls upside down across the ceiling and eventually grabs a hold of some furniture and pulls herself to the floor*

Why thanks Pandora dahling! It's just what I always wanted!

Congratulations about your plot of land and the flight tickets. Are you allowed to name your plot? *Thinks along the lines of "Pan's Grotto"*: -D

*Pulls herself onto Mari-Rae's swing*

Excuse me sweetness; is there room for one more?

Pan, do you have any hints as to how do I get this suit off?

*Doesn't like to mention that she has an urge to powder her nose*

*Shoves over to accomodate Gwennie, then pushes the swing so it goes twirling around and around as well as back and forth.*

Wheee!

*Starts to feel slightly giddy and turns a wonderful shade of green*

Do you think we can stop the going round and round thing, please Mari-Rae?

*Stops.*

Sorry! Would you like a soda cracker and some ginger ale? (concerned about her color)

Wharumph!

*Makes a rapid exit to the bathroom*

*whispers...* "guess I should have put Gwennie's zipper in the FRONT of the suit!"