h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I suspect he's only pretending to go to sleep in the vain hope that you will stop

John does a pretty convincing job of sleeping, especially the snoring bit! He woke me up last night and I had to wake him to tell him to stop snoring only to totally deny that he'd even fallen asleep and definitely hadn't been snoring...

I'm seriously considering getting one of those clip things that are supposed to prevent snoring for John's nose!

Deb wakes me up too, wheras i foolishly don't do the same thing to her.

Good for Debs! How does she wake you up? With an elbow, a kick, a punch or all three?

John doesn't complain that I snore , although I most likely do as it would take an earthquake to disturb his drug-induced sleep, which is why it's so difficult to wake him up and stop him from snoring.

Carol, the old school friend who I stayed with when I attended the recent school reunion wants to visit and stay with me for a few days! I'll have to provide her with a pair of earplugs to block out John's snores!

Carol is expecting a night out on the town during her stay...Is she going to be in for culture shock! I wonder whether I'll be able to fit a set of knuckle dusters, pepper spray and nut crackers into my handbag?

sounds like a wonderful place. I must visit one day

You're more than welcome to stay...The town centre's pavements are awash with broken glass, blood, vomit, sputum, take-away packaging... Then there are the more unmentionable used contraceptive items, although it never fails to amaze me that the locals are intelligent or sober enough to use 'em!

I forgot to mention that all the above items are to be found scattered about the town on the mornings following Friday, Saturday, any Bank Holiday (Christmas/New Year) nights or if Newcastle/England wins a soccer match...

I can hardly wait to get there

Whens the next long weekend

Next week (Easter bank holiday)!

Time to baton down the hatches methinks!

Luckily for you, I don't think i can make it that weekend

What a shame! I had a space reserved for you in the back of our garage too...

I'm currently half way through having the kids home for their TWO WEEK Easter holidays. I did all my shopping before the long weekend started so haven't had to venture down to town to experience the resulting "morning after the night before" debris.

Chris and John have stuffed themselves full of . Sunday morning Chris thundered downstairs, still in his vest & pants (his usual night time attire) with Easter eggs on his mind. As per his request, I had found unusual spots to hide his eggs in and didn't dish out any clues until over an hour had passed and a frustrated Chris begged me to let on where the dratted chocolate things were. Mwhahahaha!!!

Mair wants to join my gym and hopes to book an induction session for next week with Sue who is one of their staff and also an ex-body builder and is now a body building judge for NABBA. She is going to be so sore after her first few workouts with Sue, who is a real slave driver and I'm really looking forward to watching Mair limp around over subsequent days! (I'm so maternal, aren't I?) This will be an Easter present for Mair in place of an egg and hopefully she will be able to utilise her membership regularly as after Easter, Mair will only have to return to school for her GCSE examinations. Mair thinks that she'll be able to find time to work out at least a couple of times a week until the new term this September when she returns to school for her A Level courses.

i'm assuming A levels are something like our hsc (Higher School Certificate)?

But given the 'local' ways that you have over there, i suppose i am way off the mark

I think A levels must be the equivalent of your HSCs.

When Mair has completed her GCSE's she'll return to 6th form college (still at her old school) where she'll remain for the next two years by which time she'll be 18 and will have taken her A Levels. Following that she hopes to go to university to get a degree, preferably in something to do with Art & Design to enable her to work within the film industry on special effects n fings.

sounds like our hsc alright. Thankfully that is long behind me. 20 years long...

My exams are 36 years behind me (apart from my recent City & Guilds ones that I've taken at college)! I find it hard to comprehend that Mair is exactly the same age that I was when I last saw most of the people who were at the school reunion I recently attended.

Mair has joined my gym and had her induction about a week ago and today we visited the gym together. Watching her work out reminded me of how I used to take her to the gym with me when she was a toddler and wheel her buggy around with me (it was a very relaxed and friendly gym and Mair sometimes used to watch the gym's dance troupe rehearse)!

How is work going by the way? There was a hint here in the UK that the rise in property prices is allegedly slowing down...

i am battling along, and hopefully will make some money soon...

Property prices anywhere near the city are still going upwards down here

It must be very difficult and I certainly don't envy your position. When I first met and moved in with John, he was a self employed lift engineer and I always worried where/when the next contract would turn up.

Do you have a website or advertise your business on the Internet?

not much point, although i do have my own page attached to the company one.

For people to see it you have to put expensive banner ads all oveer the place.

A shock question for you.

What is Essex like as a place. There is a chance Deb might be offered a job there before the year is out

Essex? You and Debs might be joining Mari & Kes here in the UK? That would be fantastic! We could get together and have a party!

Like most parts of the UK, bits of it are great and bits of it are less than great. During the 90's a great deal was made over "Essex" man, who apparently was Mr Average (2.2 children, drives Ford Mondeo, lives in semi-detached house...)

As for Essex girls... They're all supposed to be the "dances round their handbags in discos" type although that is generalising. I've stayed with friends in Essex and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I even had a fling with an Essex man, which I remember very fondly!

On a more serious note, here are some links that might be of use/interest to yourself and Debs and in case they're moderated out I'll mail them to you as well:

http://www.essexcc.gov.uk/

http://www.essex-sunshine-coast.org.uk/