h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The main purpose of the exercise was to take Rebecca to Western Plains zoo at Dubbo, where she got to feed giraffes and all sorts of fun stuff.

That sounds like fun and I hope Rebecca's mum and dad enjoyed themselves too...

One of my earliest memories is being licked on the face by a giraffe that I was feeding at Windsor Wildlife Park. The only trouble is that I then wanted to take it home with me and my parents apparently had a terrible time removing me!

I've been like that ever since and in later life started to bring injured wildlife home and nowadays my neighbours always bring injured birds/hedgehogs/stray s/s to me.

Now you know why I drove my first husband to alcoholism and made my second one ill (he almost suffers from a migraine at least twice a week).

as long as you're not taking in stray men i suppose

I think John might object to that one, as Pierce could verify. During his last trip to London for an h2g2 meet, Pierce sent me an Email with his phone number in and as a result John thought that I was having an Internet "affair" with him! It took some time to convince John that it was all perfectly innocent as I had put Pierce in touch with his long-lost first cousin, who had moved to the UK with his parents years ago via the Friends Reunited Website and Pierce was merely trying to phone me from the meet to thank me in person.

Mind you, a few months ago at about 2.00 a.m. one night, a stray man did turn up on our doorstep, begging to be let in as he was freezing (it was mid winter and bitterly cold outside). He had a dog with him too, which I was more concerned about than the owner who was totally out of his head on an assortment of drugs (magic mushrooms he said) and alcohol. We took him in and John gave him a hot drink and sat him by a radiator whilst I phoned the Police who came to claim him. Fortunately the Police recognised him and as he was in no state to return to his own empty house, took him to his Mother's house a few streets away. I was more concerned about the dog's welfare to be honest! The slightly disturbing thing about this event is that afterwards the Police warned us not to allow him in if he ever returned because he's a crack addict and can turn violent for no reason.

i hadn'r realised you live in one of the dodgier parts of London until now

I wish I did live in/around London! I was born and grew up just outside London, right on the edge of the greenbelt (an area of countryside that is not allowed to be developed) so had the best of town and rural life.

Nowadays I live in the armpit of the UK, the North East (think Newcastle & Geordies), just outside Durham City, which is a beautiful city with a 1,000 year old castle and a university but is sadly surrounded by mining towns whose mines closed during the Thatcher years. Obviously because this part of Durham is socially and economically deprived, the property is very cheap and as we lost most of our money during our venture in NZ we can't afford to live anywhere else.

I really do wish that when we returned to the UK from NZ that I had turned up on the doorstep of Hillingdon Borough Council, a stone's throw from Heathrow Airport and where I grew up and asked for a council house, which I would have been within my rights to claim. Oh well...it's too late now and is all water under t'bridge!

On the brighter side of things, we're not far from rolling countryside, the Dales and some spectacular scenery. Also Mair attends an excellent school in a nearby agricultural market town, which is a much nicer area than where we live, so even if we could afford to, we wouldn't move until Mair has finished her schooling. Chris's special needs school is also wonderful and it would be too much of an upheaval for the poor lad to move schools.

According to John I've "gone native" as I am guilty of occasionally slipping into what he calls "Geordie speak" from fraternising with the locals who I have more contact with than him due to my attending college and working in the local Red Cross charity shop!

but are you allowed in the local shop for local people?

Yes of course they do! Personally I think the local punters visit the shop to laugh at the impoverished southerner! Curiously, some customers seem to think that I'm posh (Hah! If only they knew!) and those who aren't used to me, regularly pass comment on my non-descript southern accent!

I'm pleased to say that Mair & Chris haven't adopted a local accent, especially Mair as it could effect her employment prospects later in life were she to speak with a North Eastern accent. Silly, hey? Sadly I don't know whether Chris will ever be able to work, or if he does it will most likely be a menial and low-paid job.

this whole accent thing is baffling to someone who hasn't actually visited over there. I understand it can vary from one valley to the next

I know what you mean! For example, by my accent even though it is "tainted" by living in rural Hampshire, New Zealand and Durham, some people can still tell which London suburb I grew up in!

Where I live, about 17 miles from the City of Durham, to me the accent is what I'd describe as "Geordie" but if I mentioned this to any of the locals, they'd be highly offended as to them Geordies and their accents are something to be ridiculed!

Even in Wales, accents vary from town to town and especially from North to South Wales. In mid to North Wales, many people still use Welsh as their first language and think that people from South Wales are "Anglicised".

Scotland is pretty much the same whilst England is divided by regional dialects and accents, some of which are very difficult to understand by visitors to the area.

My own prejudice is against "plumby" posh accents (eg: the British royal family), which although I can't explain it, never fails to get my hackles up. I suppose it must be the old left-wing republican in me coming out!

vive la republic! It doesn't really happen in Australia, you can only usually tell by the way people from different states use certain words.

We have had some "heated" discussions in this household as John is pro-royal family whilst yours truly, according to him should be hung, drawn and quartered as a traitor!

John has mentioned (you may remember that he spent a couple of years back-packing/working around Oz) that some people end their sentences in "but" or "hey". Is that a regional trait or a national one?

Mind you, until before I'd lived in NZ I used to get Kiwis and Aussies muddled up!

*Ducks a flying beer can*

It is more Eh than hey. I noticed it a lot when i was in Darwin, rural Queenslanders also say it (as do kiwis).

Sometimes you have to wait for certain words before you can tell an aussie from a kiwi

Hah! I feel vindicated now, as John used to become quite exasperated with me for getting the Aussie & Kiwi accents muddled up! I had thought that you might be offended in a similar way that Canadians are miffed when they're mistaken for Americans.

I'm off to "The South" next Saturday for a school reunion in Ruislip and will be meeting old friends who I haven't seen since leaving school about 30 years ago! This will be the first time ever that I've had a break from John, the kids and domestic drudgery since before Mair was born. It's going to be such fun!

One of my friends will be putting me up/up with me in her house, after which I hope to spend a couple of days with my parents in the New Forest before returning home to Durham on Wednesday.

On Monday I hope to meet up with Mari & Kes in the village pub close to my parents' home. This will be the first time that we've met in "real life", although we've been Internet friends for over three years and have spoken frequently over the phone.

I have also arranged to travel to Winchester on Tuesday and meet up with a very dear friend who used to be my Yoga partner and was with me for Mair's birth. Her husband died less than a month ago and although it will be wonderful to see her again, our meeting will be tinged with sadness.

I'm dreading what the state of the house will be after leaving my family to fester in their own poop for five days! They've asked me to pin instructions to things so they know what to do and how to do it! Oh! Bugger the lot of 'em, I'm just not going to think about it whilst I'm away!

Anyhow Linus, in case I don't get a chance to post again, all being well I should be back next Thursday.

Have fun, and don't drink TOO much

Say hi to Kes and Mari. I hope they come to their senses one day and move back to Oz

I'll carry on chatting to you over with Pan for now to save confusion...

but i like confusion

Well okay and if you insist, but you may find that I occasionally repeat myself...

Well okay and if you insist, but you may find that I occasionally repeat myself...

Well okay and if you insist, but you may find that I occasionally repeat myself...

Well okay and if you insist, but you may find that I occasionally repeat myself...

Well okay and if you insist, but you may find that I occasionally repeat myself...

Well okay and if you insist, but you may find that I occasionally repeat myself...

It might make more sense fifth time around

That's what I keep telling John but he just rolls over and goes to sleep!