h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

What kind of crime is committed when a bird is attacked? A featheral offense.

The ankle was an arch enemy of the heel because the heel had a sole that could neither toe the line nor keep instep.

I didn't want to buy leather shoes, but eventually I was suede.

Pirates had comfortable feet because of their booty.

I slipped on my wet slippery kitchen floor when I was wearing my slippers.

I got sand in my sandals when I walked on the Sandy Bay beach.

To butter up your friends who are Harry Potter fans it's a good idea to serve them butterbeer.

Some people get very passionate about adding passion fruit to their tropical fruit salads.

I was on time, but the doctor was out. It was a disappointment.

the batsman was out also, bowled over by an orthodontist

The Junior NCO had sore wrists. The doctor said it was corporal tunnel syndrome.

A logger went to his doctor because of a problem with the lumbar.

The shy bat liked to keep to himself and stay under the radar.

A new batter joined the cricket team, and was a real hit.

The best way to make a cricket bat is to carve it by hand. Using a machine is just lathe-y.

A doctor who fell on his funny bone had a nurse tell him it was a humerus incident.

The hospital lab is recruiting. They're looking for new blood.

Bats with a sweet tooth and a good sense of smell usually take up jobs as fruit bats, while bats with excellent hearing go for employments as cricket bats

went abroad for holiday and got sunburn - went back to Bat-tan

When I was young, I wanted to study archaeology, but my dad thought it was nothing more than a lot of skullduggery.