h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Myself, not being astern type of man will bow before that!

awash with merriment and avast expanse ahead

I met the woman of my dreams at the base of Mount Vesuvius. She is the lava my life.

Two guys discussing the price of gravel finally got down to the nitty gritty.

Indeed, there's none crater in the world!

Are giraffes good pets or are they too high maintenance?

Hunters don't pass the buck.

If you're stiff as a board it could be the lumbar.

Sea gulls that fly over the bay are baygulls.

A plumber struggled to replace a tight washer because he didn't want to faucet.

When I asked if I could get insurance if the nearby volcano erupted they assured me I would be covered.

The stern pirate captain's policy of forcing the worst members of his crew to walk the plank went swimmingly.

An ancient Greek shoemaker ran home when there was an earthquake only to discover he had fallen arches.

~~At the job interview~

"Name, please?"

"Jack Lumber."

"I saw your resume, Mr. Lumber. Have you listed awl your experience?"

"No. I started as the cook for a logging company, but then I branched out."

"There will be a lot of on the job training with this position. Can you learn quickly?"

"I beleave I can, as easy as falling off a log."

I'm too bushed to even think of reply to that one, Bud!

shrub it off, you'll be right after a kip

What do they call all that lumber on the Star Trek's Enterprise? Captain's log.

Most samurai refused to shave. They were bushi.

A small shrub clinging to the walls of the Grand Canyon is a Gorge Bush.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.