h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I went to the theatre, it looked a bit suspicious. I reckon the whole thing was staged.

Puppies learn how to behave by following a strict dog-ma.

I used to know Herby Side, but that was a lawn time ago.

Herbert the Herbalist was very found of his Herbaceous borders and that all of his herbs and other planets which were naturally grown without any any herbicides. He specialised in making his own traditional herbal treatments and toiletries using herbs and flowers from his garden. He would donate his herbs and other plants to local charitable organisations. He was known as a Tarragon Of Virtue.

various meat savouries are fighting each other - it's pies and prejudice

I'm sure they pried you away unwillingly.

The flute-player joined in the food fight and ended up as the pied piper

He wasn't much of a magician. He tried to make flowers come to him at his call. Many were called, but fuschial come.

I frittered away the spam

At the Ent Moot where the ents would entwine with each other as they discussed new ways of making Ent wine to have when they are entertaining their guests at their party. The ents would refuse to serve hasty pudding to their guests as they did not want them to think that they were being hasty.

The Scottish Episcopal vicar who is a qualified organist has her income supplemented as an organic small holder farmer and as a whisky distiller. She tills it as it is. She would play recordings of organic music to her plants grow on her small farm. She also tapped into her natural resources with her home-made organically produced whisky in wood casks that added extra flavour to her brew.

The batswoman of the England national cricket team was the best batter they ever had for over 70 years. She frittered away her money by making the crispiest fruit fritters by adding organic real ale to the batter and by soaking the fruit in mead. When the fritters were made she gave them to family, neighbours and friends who then acclaimed me as the best tasting fritters that they ever tasted and she then became known as a champion batterer.

Hydra agents have become legitimate by becoming growers of varieties of hydrangea. Hydra agents must drink plenty of water slightly more than normal or they will become quickly dehydrated.

The Pied Piper of Hamelin was hamming it up at the theatre where he went to watch the William Shakespeare play of Hamlet. At the end of the play he began hamming it up by enticing the audience to follow him with a large leg of gammon ham. Everyone followed him to the delicatessen which he had opened where he had a varied of cold meats and pies to try out and if they liked it they buy his delicacies.

The Pied Piper of Hamelin loved ratatouille for tea

The Pied Piper had a disturbing history as someone who stole pies at sea. He was a pie rat.

Drive carefully when you see a solid yellow lion in the middle of the road

"Why do you have a spotted lion skin rug?

"That's for deaf people who want contracts with us. We ask them to sign on the dotted lion."

I took a course in ballroom dancing. It was a dud. I never see any ballrooms dancing.