Journal Entries
her throat split opennn!
Posted Jan 1, 2003
Spent the night @ Marcus's. YAY 
Had an odd time! 
after wrestling with one of his dogs,
it became fixated in humping my leg and arm!
marcus is cool. I have a sudden urge to write the rest of this journal in leet.
5o @nyw@y. h15 h0u53 15 qu1t3 <00l. y@h.
O}< 5o.
>< >< 
>< ><
Discuss this Journal entry [5]
Latest reply: Jan 1, 2003
CHANGE.
Posted Dec 29, 2002
I am no longer going to strive for the figure of a boy.
I have breasts, I have the potential to have a wonderfully full hour glass figure; I've always had a bust and narrow waist.
As a big sister, it is my job to be comfortable to hug, not have people complain about the bones in my shoulders and how much my pelvis bones jutt and how much more my stomach is shallower than my ribs.
I want muscle that blends in with my arm, not that looks like a seperate thing when I extend them.
I want to be able to sit on a hard floor without the discomfort of sitting directly on bone, (if I rock you can hear the bone on the surface).
My wieght is currently 8.8/8.9, smeg, my bmi puts me in the catagory of an anorexic.
I have enough problems without making myself iller.
I want to be attractive. Admitedly this goal is a little more on the side of Dreamland than reality, but I want a comment about my arse to not be "your bottom looks like a point when you bend over".
And being a bitch, if hammy meets me, instead of seeing me as I am as a stone and a half+ lighter than last, I want him to think I look good. Again, warping reality, but MEH IM IN AN ASSERTIVE MOOD.
Discuss this Journal entry [7]
Latest reply: Dec 29, 2002
...ah!
Posted Dec 28, 2002
THAT WAS A REALLY LAME JOURNAL, IGNORE IT! anyone who posts a reply to that will be tickled beyong belief, please dont! Ignore it ignore it! really girly shite, ignore it!
Discuss this Journal entry [28]
Latest reply: Dec 28, 2002
Nearly new years eve...
Posted Dec 28, 2002
..and Im in a rememberance mood...so here comes mush.
Things I miss..generally;
~brushing Hammys hair and playing with his curls.
~looking @ njans perfect eyebrows.
~buying a train ticket to see someone who loved me.
~taking the p*ss out of Hammy for taking the wrong tube connection.
~having the p*ss taken out of me by hammy for ...everything 
.
~being able to run.
~being able to be in public alone without an intense fear.
~singing in the church choir.
~being part of the church community and being recognised as such.
~having a love for the lord that moved me to tears.
~having more than one person on my Aim buddy list I felt confident enough to chat with.
~njan doing his impressions of Snake (the simpsons) and Kryten (red dwarf).
~feeling my dads wooley jumper against my cheek when he hugged me.
~knowing that finances were nothing to worry about and not being on government benifits.
~thinking about what to study at university and what career I wanted.
~knowing hammy.
~knowing njan.
~not having to slice the side of my right leg to stop my head spinning if I start gettting out of control.
~wanting to live.
*sighs*
Discuss this Journal entry [4]
Latest reply: Dec 28, 2002
*sigh*
Posted Dec 27, 2002
btw, for those of you who want to check up, my new anti-psychotic is "zyprexa(Olanzapine)". its really sweet, it comes in a huge bubble thing, and its TINY and has "lilly" written on it 
Cut again today. the blood is getting darker as the cuts get bigger and deeper, and they're all bruising. Marcus is pissed with me.
He, however, hacked at his calf with a razor the other night and has REALLY deep gashes. Donkey.
worried about Stealth......trying not to think about him or I'll panic again.
Discuss this Journal entry [4]
Latest reply: Dec 27, 2002
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