Hi, I am field researcher Lute

My stay on earth so far has been full of discovery and adventure. I have grown very fond if this place in general and feel the need to protect it whenever I have the opportunity.

Although many of my experiences here have been beautiful and joyous, they are painted against a background of melancholy. Like the face of the man in the moon. He seems to be looking down on us with a gentle, but deeply knowledgeable sadness. Oh, the things we waste, destroy and take for granted. We're not doing so well, and he can see it.

In my little corner of the guide, you will find fun lists, rants, and ramblings along with the odd sparkle of insight. Thanks for stopping by! On with the show...

Haiku:
leaves on the pavement
Mother Nature put them there
then come the machines
~Lute

"Palo Alto Council Cranks Up to Ban Gas Leaf Blowers"
by Carolyne Zinko, Chronicle Staff Writer
©1999 San Francisco Chronicle
Councilman Dick Rosenbaum, who introduced the ban, said:
"I regard leaf blowers as a terrible and growing
nuisance. Twenty years ago, we didn't have these
things, and lawns looked fine. I'm amazed people
have put up with them as long as they have.''


LANDSCAPING WARS ~ A Trilogy
by Lute

The Leaf Blowers

Imagine autumn. There is an exciting crispness in the air and the wind begins to busy itself and stretch it's airy limbs in anticipation of the coming winter. The trees have sensed the lowering daily angle of the sun and decided it's time to give up their leaves, first turning them brown, red and gold. Walking to the bus, car, or mailbox becomes an adventure, a spirited, poetic awakening as nature messes up your hair, and everything else around you.

Then come the blowers. They start a 9:00am every morning. Roaring, whining, mechanical demons that belch engine exhaust which is not subject to emmissions testing. They swarm over the ocean of blacktop, blowing the leaves past the concrete shores, and onto the grassy islands where they are deemed "tidy." They blow across my threshold and under my door where the grime of civilization combines with the soil and leaf dust of nature in my fresh and recently cleaned entrance way. The wind may blow in a leaf from time to time, but to get the grime, you need the blowers.

I yell, but I am screaming into a black hole, because the machine is much louder than any voice could ever be. The fear of letting my soul be sucked into oblivion causes me to thrash and wave my arms, 'til at last they stop.

"Why can't you use a broom?" I ask in desperation.
"Because we've got to get these leaves up and it would never get done," says the man who tends the demon.
"Who is the genius that decided the leaves need to be gotten up anyway?" I call into the black hole.

After the demons are banished for the day, the wind blows the leaves back onto the pavement.


Rude Awakening

I was awakened from a deep sleep (and a very romantic dream) this morning by the sound of chainsaws outside my window. Because of my work schedule, I usually sleep till about 9:30am. Well after cussing for about a minute I looked at my clock and it said 8:30am. Then another chainsaw was added to the roaring choir of machinery. So much for rescuing that last hour of sleep.

What were they sawing, you ask? The leaves off the palm tree outside my upstairs window. Ah, the joy of apartment complexes! I decided to get up and be usefull, so I took out the trash, and a shocking sight hit my eyes. There were entire banyan and oak tree branches lying all over the parking lot that we are surrounded by. There were green leaves everywhere on the pavement and the sound of machinery from all corners. The trees have so many stubbs sticking out now that they look like ancient Greek & Roman statues. I realize that sometimes trees have to be trimmed to keep them from growing into the sides of houses, blocking traffic and to allow sunlight to penetrate a little for things like flower beds, but these trees had just gotten to where they provided the smallest bit of shade. Well, this is the "Sunshine State (Florida)." I guess shade is contrary to state law here.

Of course, I have no say in how they do the gardening. I suppose I could try to gather signatures on a petition to just let the trees grow a little (oh, my God, we can't have that!) but knowing the type of people who live here, I would get about 2 signatures out of the entire honeycombed mass that is our neighborhood. The signatures would be those of kids, whose favourite climbing branch just got cut off.


Return of the Leaf Blowers

This morning I was a knight defending my castle. My soiled and ill-used threshold had been cleaned and polished once again after months of neglect. Those were months which began in despair but, slowly, I recovered from the last attack and gathered my strength. The result of my regained good spirits was that I tended my threshhold once again, and made it beautiful, sparkling, and inspiring.

Then the monsters returned. I could hear their roaring from afar, but I have heard this many times when they did not come near my door, thus I failed to put up my guard. Relaxed in my rooms, tending to my daily work, I heard a sound that brought the enemy to the forefront of my attention. I rushed to arm myself and ran to the door just in time. They nearly succeeded in their evil plans, but I flung the door open and made my battle cry, "Stop!" I screamed over their viscious roaring, "Begone from my gate, torture me no further!" I was hit with the full force of the flinging grime that is this monster's weapon. I flung arrows of derision more poisoned than I had ever used before.

In surprise, the monsters and their evil masters retreated a short distance. They were still close enough, however, for me to smell the foul stench of their internal combustion breath. My arrows kept them back as I weilded my broom, vanquishing the grime that nearly spoiled my precious threshhold. I shot one last arrow and told them never to return to my gate, or I would be forced to punish them again.

After I returned to my rooms, I heard their roar very close as if they would test me, but they must have thought better of it, and moved on. I will not rest until these monsters, the Leaf Blowers, are banished forever.

Writer's note:I submitted the first essay in the trilogy, the one called "the Leaf Blowers" as a Guide Entry. This was their response:

>>Thank you ever so much for submitting your h2g2 Guide Entry entitled
"Leaf Blowers" for the approval of the Editors. Unfortunately it hasn't quite managed to gain the approval of the Editorial team, but perhaps the following comments from the Editor concerned will help you to understand why.
"This is a very entertaining submission; but, sadly, it must be rejected because Official Entries of the Guide must be essentially factual. It is a very well written description of your feelings about leaf blowers, which I suggest you should consider making a part of your homepage."
Don't forget, though, that your Guide Entry will still come up in
search results and that it is still very much a part of the Guide.
And don't be put off from submitting more Entries for our approval:
in the meantime you might find it useful to read our Submissions
Guide at http://www.h2g2.com/A53209" >http://www.h2g2.com/A53209 />Best wishes,
Mark Moxon
Editor, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Earth Edition<<

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