h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The conference room, like most similarly functioned rooms on Starfleet vessels, is basically a table, some seats and a holoprojector. Unlike Starfleet standards, however, this room has access to the TW Armory, Bridge and Captain's Office.*

*Axe walks in*

EVA, change access for this room so that only h2g2Merc members can use it.

[EVA] Confirmed.

*Plugs a conversion box into one of the holo-projector ports so he can use his Palm to control it*

*Walks in with huge amounts of gear and starts establishing a secondary security system*

Thanks. I never got around to creating failsafes for the ship security systems - should do that one day...

*enters retox*
Hmm, very nice.

*wonders whether Retox is Yoda in RL*

Hi RT, I've you a for ya...

*throws a PDA (your choice) to Retox*

I'll choose A Compaq with Pocket PC OS. 450mhz and 1 gb of free space.
*picks up PDA*

*shrugs*

*takes the PDA back and checks the connection ports, then hands it back*

Good, no compatibility problems there...

*plugs a USB module into the conversion box and opens up the Admin panel on the holoscreen*

*Checks 'Allow potentially fatel Windows-based Operating Systems to control this software', OKs the warning, then closes the panel*

*Feels just at the thought*

Hey, it's only a holoprojector, we can replace it easily enoug...

BANG!

*the holoprojector explodes. Axe looks around and sees that Retox'd just pressed the 'Start' button on his PDA*

*quickly pulls out the USB cable*

*Rolls eyes and disables the USB ports on all of his equipment*

Are you sure you wouldn't like a nice Palm or Psion PDA?

*a maintainence bot rolls in and looks at the holoprojector. It sighs and starts humming depressedly*

Shut up.

*the bot rolls out to find a new projector and a screwdriver*

View my PDA @
http://www.usatoday.com/life/cyber/tech/review/_photos/bush-game.jpg

Thought you had a Compaq?

*the maintainence bot rolls back in, with five others. They begin replacing the holoprojector*

*a tiny, fly-like device silently sits in the corner*

Hey, thats the greatest thing about our race. It can lie through its as cheeks and people like CV can do f$%* all about it.

CV, get that bug off now or I'll impose LoC and get you to explain how it got here, where it's from, etc...

*Starts connecting complex electromagnetic sensors and disruption emitters to the walls, ceiling and floor*

*Links them up to a special secure and non-networked holographic terminal*

Now... let's run a system test.

*Powers up the disruptors, and notes with pleasure that every computer system and electric/electronic device in the room apart from his crashes*

That should stop any attempts to "bug" the room...

*Notices fly and swats it*

*his computer powers back up (IRL it actually powered down a few mins ago... )*

Thanks for warning me...