h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Male Public Toilets - A5865221
Author: Tony2Times/Prof. Chaos - U944312

The tricky business of pub toilets for men

'male toilets rarely contain anything of particular value and the reason is that if something of particular value was put in, it would soon enough be damaged, destroyed and/or stolen within a matter of hours'.

This, I believe is a gross over-generalisation.

It certainly applies to the UK, where we are rapidly descending into a nation with foul and slovenly habits and manners. It certainly does not apply to West Germany where I have been impressed that even un-supervised public conveniences possess honesty bowls. Not even do customers actually pay into these honesty bowls, but it appears that the contents seldom, if ever, get stolen.

(I was also impressed in W. Germany by the fact that many parks contain barbewue facilities. These are invariably left clean, tidy and ready for use by the next visitors, but they also possess fairly flimsy aluminium roofs. Thes, for a fact, would not last 5 minutes in the town (city actually) where I live )

Hi Tony, interesting topic for an Entry

I think you need to say which country's public toilets you are writing about, I'm not aware of these luxuries you mention in ladies public toilets in the UK. (apart from the odd exception)

>"Traditional urinals are a line of bowls" aren't traditional urinals the ground level 'troughs', that's what was in the men's toilet of the pub where I used to be a Public House Furnishing Engineer (pub cleaner in other words )

The main thing I remember about them is the stink of them, and the cigarette ends blocking the plug hole thingy.

Emmily

Ah yes, cigarette butts, I'd forgotten about them. I've found the troughs to be less usual (those were the ones I was trying to refer to in the second part, perhaps its not clear enough) but I should probably take out traditional and just offer both parts have normal.

I guess I should mention these toilets are mainly in the UK; all of the women's toilets I've been too have been like that. If not having chairs and stuff they at least had everything working.

Vague memories coming back here; why the men's toilets stank so much...there was a metal pipe with holes in, along the top of the trough, water ran though it, and was suppose to to supply a constant flow of water down the tiles (I think) of the wall and into the trough, most of the time, it didn't work in the pub I worked in.

Emmily

Hmm I can't believe I read this, but I couldn't resist

There are a few Guide entries on condoms you really should link to one:

A414451 - Durex Condoms
A375455 - Condoms

seeing as how you mentioned them.

Can't say I've been in many in my life (last time was while pregnant and couldn't wait in the queue for the Ladies) but WHERE do you get your information from:
<>



Only Hotels have Ladies like that. Oh and *one* pub in London that I didn't want to leave...

I'm not sure whether the title means Men's Public Toilets (in pubs) or just Men's public toilets in general, I'm thinking of the car park ones my last husband avoided like the plague...

Public Ladies' Lavs are well, I avoid them. If I can. I certainly don't spend time in them, any more than I have to.

I consider myself lucky to get a clean pan, working sink, hot water and a working drier. Loo paper, well I carry a stash in my handbag

You're very lucky if you can turn round in some cubicles (we don't have any option, unlike you men, we HAVE to queue for a loo) some toilet seats you wouldn't park your bum on, and hovering above to relieve your bladder can cause great discomfort, especially if you're a large lady, and also if they've parked a "sanitary towel disposal unit" next to the loo.

I happily pay to pee, if it means the facilities are excellent.

Well done on the entry, Tony2Times/Prof. Chaos

Some more links for you:

A162226 - Toilet Roll (not very informative)
A972290 - Bog Roll - an excellent entry

A127469 - Public Toilets

I think ladies toilets, particularly in pubs are of a higher standard than the mens, which may be because we complain more, if they are not up to expected standards. So really guys, you only have yourselves to blame, for putting up with it.

Emmily

Cheers for the links, was gona do them tomorrow, didn't really have time to do it today 'cos I wrote it all before dinner and have been on the verge of going out since after dinner. Saved me some hassle though

The ladies comment was just meant to be a throw away line and it is just that my experience with ladies' loos is that - also it was meant to allude to the idea that, I think, most men have of women's toilets.

Thanks for the information on the 'troughs' as you call them, know ye of an official title I could use for them? I'll add the bit about the water.

Oh and I originally meant all public toilets but then realised that the basis for any of the humour in it would be pub toilets and most of it would be based on them as they are the only ones I use. I'd rather avoid this kind of field research if I had to. I couldn't think of a better title that would make it obvious that it was toilets in pubs that I meant.

Would it be worth mentioning what the urinals are made of? A couple of weeks ago, I accidentally went into the mens it was empty, and I noticed they were made of stainless steel, or at least I think they were, I was only in there for a few seconds.

This is so sad, an Entry I actually know something about, is men's toilets.

I've only known the troughs, as troughs

Emmily

On Monday of this week, when coming home from Cambridge to Cheshire (UK), I went to the 'Gentlemen's' toilet at the new Service Station on the Midlands Toll Road; which is popular due to its normally very clean and modern facilities. When I came to wash my hands there were bottles of liquid soap at both ends of each row of washbowls and in every row. From memory there are about 6 bowls per row and about 6 rows. Almost all the built-in soap dispensing equipment's steel piping, which delivers the liquid on pressing them down, had been torn out of their rubber mountings, leaving the rubber tattered and useless. It had obviously been an act of vandalism. It will cost the firm running the restaurant a tidy sum to get them repaired. I do not know, for the life of me, what possible use could be found for the pipes, which are about 10 inches long and about one eighth of an inch inner diameter. But they must have just been taken for a dare or a bet and a good laugh by the kind of cretins some of us in Britain spawn these days. The washbowls were all undamaged and spotlessly clean when we went down there only 2 months previous. The 'trigger' for such acts of destruction is the very fact that everything is beautiful, new and in working order!
'We'll fix 'em different then!'

Talking about Germany, some 5 years ago our eldest son travelled by train from Calais to Austria. The only graffito he saw on one station in the whole of the journey through Germany was written in illiterate English! Need I say more!

f.

Not relevant to the PR discussion, but relevant to the entry:

http://www.crappersquarterly.com/

An interesting variant on men's urinals was formerly located in the Cajun peninsula lowlands below New Orleans. A restaurant featuring BBQ ribs and beer had spotless stainless steel rectangualar urinal boxes filled to the top with crushed ice. The woman who owned the restuarant came to our table to welcome us and make conversation. I asked about the ice. Her theory was that the ice reduced odour.

There are two glaring omissions in this Entry:

1. Graffiti (My favourite I saw in a pub urinal in my town some years ago: 'I hope your pubic hairs turn to drumsticks and beat your b*ll*cks to death'. I once nearly got into trouble over this when teaching in a private scool. The science lab had 'island workstations, seating 6 pupils. I was walking around checking on the pupils work when I overheard a pupil whispering 'pubic hairs'. Wishing to indicate that I'd heard and that I disapproved I bent to whisper in his ear, 'I hope your pubic hairs turn to drumsticks and beat your b*ll*cks to death'. He sat bolt uporight and said, 'What did you say, Sir?' I replied 'You heard' and moved on. A good 1.5 hours later, at breaktime, I was shocked when a student (from a totally different class) came up to me and asked, Is it true that you said to B.O'D.R. that, 'I hope your pubic hairs turn to drumsticks and beat your b*ll*cks to death'. (i.e. repeated back totally verbatim.. I though that if I'd tried to teach them some science in this number of words, it would've been totally forgotten by breaktime
2. 'Glory holes' (I think they're called)

Originally this article was meant to be on the rules of using toilets but I soon realised this would be far too brief so I extended it slightly - graffiti has been mentioned but only as an intro, I guess I'll go back and write a little more about it under its own heading.

Glory holes, I think, are too delicate to be detailed on a family publication such as The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

I've added a footnote to the air of "women's toilets look nicer in posh places, or so men think" and that this is a UK influenced entry. If everyone thinks its a good idea I could do about graffiti but I don't know if there's substantial information to write about, without just copying frequent tags down and that would be far too rude. Still, public conscensus and all that - all suggestions welcome.

thanks for the bit about the Public Ladies (a personal bugbear of mine)

You really wouldn't want your wife, sister or mother to get caught short in Cleethorpes main shopping centrethe loo in the car park iscold, lit by ultra-violet light, no hot water, no towels, no loo paper, floors are wet, no mirrors, no driers, no paper towels oh and everything's stainless steel (why is it called "stainless")

Never EVER look what the person alongside is doing - ESPECIALLY if you think he may be masturbating.

Insect life - older conveiences, situated outside of building, often attract an insect life. Most prevelant are flies. The sporting amongst you may try to pick them out of the air with an artfully directly jet of urine, whilst for beginners picking off the insects stationery on the wall is an easier option. In either case retain your score to impart to your friends when you return to your table.

Lighting - some city centre toilets have lighting which has been designed to discourage people from staying in the building, this can very quickly make you feel ill, if you have to make an extended stay.

Attended toilets - whilst these are few and far between they do still exsist and make for a far superior experience, a small tip for the attendant is customary.

"periodically in bowels" - Do you mean "bowls"?

Great entry T2T!

I like the bit about the insects McKay...