h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Did I mention that these are *free* boozies?

*starts taking shots of whatever liquor is around with nothing else to mix with it*

Well, folks, it's been a fun four-days war. I'm off to write an entry on how to kill one's houseplants.

good luck

Bleach is usually quite efficient, Mr. C.

Did someone say cocktails???

*dons her lampshade in anticipation*

I mean, how to kill a houseplant you don't want without feeling or looking guilty. Let's say your mother-in-law gives you a palm tree for your birthday and you don't have room for it. Well, palms can be overwatered or overfertilized easily. Another effective method is to have a garden party and allow smoking. Treat some of the plants with kerosine and watch the fireworks! The best thing about that is the guest will feel guilty and offer to pay for/replace the plant.

.... *doesnt like smoking*

Ah, see, what you want to do is accidentally leave it on the porch during the winter months. The it's just another unfortunate slip of the mind.

.....

Or you could be cleaning and accidentally knock the pot off the shelf or run it over with the vacuum cleaner.

done that one before

Yeah but those are too much effort... some well-placed bleach takes care of the problem in no time...

oh well

But bleech is suspicious smelling. It tells someone that you intionally took the life of a difenceless plant.

technically because plants arent sentient or have a conscious mind they cannot be helpless...

They are sentient. Most plants react to music and the moods of people around them. That's why office plants look flat and lifeless in some areas and full and happy in others - taking on the characteristics of those that are around them.

but are they conscious? actually aware and able to control HOW things effect them?

I've always wondered how a tendril of a vine finds a place to grasp.