h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have lifestyle problems beyond the dreams of analysts.
I hate *her* and *she* wants to be friends with me. But I swore that I wouldn't 'cos we always fall out again. Lisa is worried 'cos she gets stuck in the middle. *She* won't quit bugging me, putting irritating notes in my locker. And my life is a general mess. Can you help?

My grannie always told me to live in the moment...

If you're happy now, be happy now and don't worry about when you're not happy later. This is a irresponsible way to live, but that's what you get for asking for help on h2g2!

- Auntie X

My Dad has acupuncture for his insomnia which I think is mildly stupider than asking for help on h2g2.

It sounds like you've got issues with you father, then?

No, just with acupuncture.
The main problem is, I am not happy in this moment! I am permenantly depressed! I can't help it. Whatever's going on I am Sad ().

So basically, when you're having a good time, you're really sad as well?
That's terrible!
Stop that!
Here's a happy thought for you....
You have to promise to tell me if you smile.

"He was the president of a major advertising firm and I was a very young management consultant. I had been recommended to him by one of his employees who had seen my work and thought I had something to offer. I was nervous. At that stage in my career, it wasn't very often that I got to talk to the president of a company.
"The appointment was at 10:00am, for one hour. I arrived early. Promptly at 10, I was ushered into a large and airy room, with furniture upholstered in bright yellow.
"He had his shirtsleeves rolled up and a mean look on his face. "You've only got 20 minutes," he barked.
"I sat there, not saying a word. "I said, you've only got 20 minutes," he growled.
"Again, not a word. "Your time's ticking away," he said. "Why aren't you saying anything?"
"'They're my 20 minutes,' I replied. "I can do whatever I want with them."
"He burst into laughter.
"We then spoke for an hour and a half. I got the job."
- Martin Rutte

That is a true story and happiness can be a good thing.
Give it a try tomorrow!

*smiles broadly*
My form of happiness is slightly synical, but happiness it is none the less. I designed a lot of Zaphara expulsion methods today and tomorrow I'm going to try my evil eye on her!

And I'll always have Marshall.....



Auntie X seems to have a very positive effect on people...

That's why I'm here darling!

You said you were married!

That's a figure of speech!

Ahh. That's good.

If you haven't tried it, don't knock it. Are you the kind of person who won't order snails in a restaurant? Are you adverse to walking a different path than you walk each and every day? Would you rather lie than tell the truth? Expand your horizons... be a bit adventurous before you're too old to do so.

If this problem is the least of your lifestyle challenges, just wait, life gets even "better." First of all can't you put something behind the crevass in your locker so that "she" can't push notes through into the locker? Secondly, it may seem a bit rude, but then maybe you like being chased, but you can always turn your back on her and walk away. Silence is the worst rejection. Think of being an iceberg. It's frightening.

Just think how terrified the Titanic was when it saw the iceberg coming!!

- X

The titanic is a she. Most stuff I know is male. That little lego person standing just below my computer screen is very male. All the little bits of lego that make up his ship are very male. The curtains are male. The baubles on the christmas tree are very male. It's very strange. But the titanic is female.

Not if she were Russian!

What if she were female?

Huh? Russian ships are males. That's all I was saying.

BTW: Whatever happened to the sinking ship?

I dunno. Nobody's replied for ages and I only check forums which people have replied to.