h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Satrap Sa"trap (? or ?; 277), n. L. satrapes, Gr. ?, fr.
OPers. khshatrap=avan ruler: cf. F. satrape.
The governor of a province in ancient Persia; hence, a petty
autocrat despot.

Not only will you get your the whole of the Amazon basin for your Satrapry, WE'RE NOT EVIL! (Would anybody who was evil offer to share their chocolate with you?). VOGONS are notoriously evil! After all, they plan on broadcasting their POETRY day and night on all wavelengths across the width and breadth of the globe!


da Baron
ptewie!----------------------

"Birdie, birdie, in the sky..."

We are NOT vogons.
Yes we ARE evil, but who isn't a little bit?
We LOVE chocolate and are hoarding a secret supply of it for all our followers (and it helps bribe the mutants).
And we do NOT WRITE POETRY!

Have a nice day!

*A cold chill sweeps over the room*

Foolish mortals. You have the basic outlook right. But you lack some of the most important key elements to your plans. For instance, have you ever considered what life is like after you conquer the world?

After you conquer the world, the only thing left is to conquer the solar system, then the galaxy, and eventually the universe. What then? I know what then. I know who can arrange 'what then'. 'What then' is my place of origin. I believe I shall advertise your attempts to STUMPED, the h2g2 super villains syndicate.

*a deep ta-tunk-thud can be heard from the basement, followed by some creaky footsteps, and the opening of one of the side doors.

Sporky emerges, a bit disheveled, with a sign on his forehead reading "Beware of the Leopard (as well as daBaron & Fenny)"*

Erm, wot's this all about then? Why would we want to conquer the world? It's been ours for, wot? Half a decade? I haven't heard any complaints so far

HA! You VOGONS are worse liars than WE are... *erm* I mean... VOGONS are LIARS as well as EVIL! We NEVER TELL LIES! Would Fenny and I do that, to you, our loyal Subjects? NAY! I tell ya! And I tell ya these people (who have somehow infiltrated the C.O.T.T.B.!), are VOGONS and UPSTARTS!

Think "GREEN!" Supporte da Baron and Fenny in our bid to RULE THE WORLD!

*wonders if Fenny is too tied up with w**k and school to see how well I propogandize the masses*

SPORKY! They wanna steal the MOON from ya!

da Baron

William Wylde
Baron Shatturday
Fisrt Beast-Monkey and Sacred Clown,
Lord High Emperor of Earth and Moon,
Lord High Inquisitor of the C.O.T.T.B.

ptewie!<<-----------------------------*

"When we rule the world, we'll take care of you ruddy PIDGEONS!"

B******s! It is mine, so shove off!!

*glares quite evily, enough so that little puddles begin to appear at the bottom of a select few's feet*

Baron, oh member of the sacred cotTb, my second sight predicts DOOM with a capital everything, for you and all who follow you! Only the path of ours is right! Buwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Sorry... that happens occasionally...

Heh. Aurora, dear little Seer of Visons! Remember what happend to Joan of Arc when she didn't bow down to the Heirarchy of things...

*glares a baleful, lethargic and completely unstrained evil glare- one of those dispassionately evil glare. One of those which really chill you to the bone because their evil is so dispassionate and easily dispensed*

da Baron

ptewie!<<---------------------*

"Pidgeons! And prophets who want to rule the world! Ay-yi-yi!"

Yes, I remember what happened when Joan of Arc didn't 'bow to the hierarchy'. She was revered as a saint.

None of you have the right idea. Look, this is the best way to conquer the world: anarchy. Anarchy is the path to world domination. If you drive the world to anarchy, all you have to do is form the first country with law and order, and the masses will flock to your new world order.

--All hail Minos, Leader of the Krylma!!!---

According to the jury, one of Joan of Arc's main crimes was wearing men's clothes...

What is the Krylma? Will they be our allies, or will they prefer the pidgeons?

I take it you never watched "The Donuts Are Not Enough", did you? I can't remember the URL, but the Krylma played a major part in the end of that movie. Then I escaped from the realm of movies (long story there), and founded STUMPED, h2g2's crime syndicate. Currently, we have several sadistically sarcastic, ruthlessly evil supervillains.

In other words, The Krylma will be the allies of whoever I choose them to be the allies of. In other words, joining STUMPED would much better your chances of not falling afoul to their wrath. And don't worry, you won't have to go through some of the rigorous biological splicing that some Krylma members undertake. Although doing so does wonders for your health! Over a thousand years old, and I don't look a day over twenty-seven!

I see no indication of how large your following is, how can you help us, and how can we help you?..

*Grins*

It's not that simple. I'm not sure you can help me. I've already plotted the last stage of my first master plan on h2g2 (the one in the movie isn't nearly this much fun to set up!) and will soon have a climactic battle with h2g2's super hero syndicate, CHOPPERS. However, if you ever go to STUMPED's message board, we can help you. We make it a public service to hire out supervillains for whatever purpose you may require. For instance, if you need a sinister mastermind, I'd suggest me or Masque Of The Red Herring (running for president of h2g2, I might add). If you want to terrify someone, we've got a few part vampires, and one very impressive werewolf, not to mention an invisible woman. If your evil plan involves something in a space setting, we have several sith in our ranks, not to mention villains who are perfect in a sci-fi setting (such as Masque).

In short, STUMPED helps the highest bidder. Oh, by the way, if you want a very small sample of our members, check out the campaign staff of The Masque Of The Red Herring. Every member of his staff is a member of STUMPED.

That's what we can do for you, in a nutshell.

Darn it Fenny! If only you would let me keep just a FEW nukes, we could take care of ALL these upstarts!

da Baron

ptewie!<<----------------------------

"Or we could locate a base of the PIDGEON air-force outside their headquarters!"

When I get my RING back, 'I' will rule the World.........

'S'

Birds don't take over the world except in Alfred Hitchcock movies.

Anyway, we'd love to make an alliance with STUMPED. Being evil makes me feel so alive!

~~A~~

I don't think you would want to make an allegiance with STUMPED. When we make an alliance, I always make sure we have the upper hand in any situation, as I'm about to do in another forum over the next few days.

We could, however, be villains trading favors. For payment.

And Gandalf, which ring do you want? I studied magic, and made copies of a few of them. I'm working on a recreation of the One Ring right now...

The One Ring!.........

I wants it, I wants it, I wants it............My precious!!

You got something against Hitchcock? Eh? Besides, these aren't ORDINARY birds we're talking here! We're talking scrupilously Skinnerian-trianed PIDGEONS with HOMING ability! We'll have you BURIED in MOUNDSS of poo before you can say "Jack Robinson"!

And how evil can you be if you advertise your evil? Eh? Like, how will you take in the suckers if they KNOW you're gonna sucker 'em? Ha! You need LESSONS in evil! I'd suggest reading Richard Nixon's memoirs, or Machiavelli.

Bloody AMATEAURS!

da Baron

ptewie!<<------------------

"AIR RAID! AIR RAID!"

Baron ~ I have nothing against Hitchcock, I never say "Jack Robinson", I think we'll manage to escape the homing pidgeons, and eventually they'll come over to our side anyway.

Krylma leader ~ Excellent... **taps fingers together in a Mr Burns sort of way**

Gandalf ~ My second sight says, 'Beware the Cracks of Doom!'


~~A~~