h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do I detect a latent violent undercurrent here? How about just turning off the water supply all over the world. You'd soon have everyone at your beck and call. And no one need get killed. People might die though. Then there'd be no one left to dominate.

I received a crystal goldfish bowl in the post this morning...................
Nothing to do with you lot, I suppose????????????????????????

'G'

Aah, so that's where my bowl went. Sharky will want that back, he's tired of the teacup.
As for turning off the water supply, some parts of the world don't have water-supplies anyway, so what use will that do? I think to start with, we need a large supply of Babel fish...

The Babel fish are a good idea. After all, the mutants may not be very coherent.

Is sharky a Babel fish. If so, it (he/she/they) better get busy procreating, we'll need lots of it. Which begs the question; how do Babel fish procreate?

You want to take over MY world? After I worked so hard to take it over myself? And what about the MOON? Eh? My loyal vassal, Sporky, will be gravely upset if you go after his tiny orb!

William Wylde
Baron Shatturday
First Beast-Monkey & Sacred Clown
Lord High Emperor of Earth and Moon

*Fenchurch swoops in through a mysteriously windy window curtained with black gauze in the top of the westward - facing side of the Temple of World Domination where all commentors thus far have congregated. Straps on especially caustic shoes. Fixes her hair.*

DAREST THOU CHALLENGE THE RIGHTFUL PROPRIETORS OF THE EARTH AND OR UNIVERSE?

EH?

*Glares at crowd, while munching on a Heath Bar*

Quite a glare you've got there! So mean and menacing.... I like it.

*Goes off and starts practicing a mean, menancing glare*

Sharky is a Babel fish, I'm working on taking a photo of her, but she's not too enthusiastic about swimming inside anyone's ear.

I CHALLENGE THY INJUST DOMINATION OF EARTH, OH FENCHURCH. THY EVIL LOOKS MEAN NOTHING TO ME (ok, so I'm a bit jealous, but never mind). WILST THOU JOIN OUR CAUSE, AND HELP US SUCCEED IN THE TOTAL DOMINATION OF THE COSMOS? BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Shoots evil glances at Fenchurch**

*Fenchurch quickly ducks behind her shiny black cloak, quickly re-revealing herself, now behind a mask and with an even more evil glare. Her heath bar has now been completely devoured.*

DIDST THOU SAY WHEN I DID THINK THOU DIDST SAY? SHALL I, FENCHURCH M MERCURY, SUBMIT TO THE WILL OF THESE ONLOOKERS AND WISHMAKERS OF WORLD DOMINATION?

*Turns head sharply, with a sharp 'swoop' sound echoing, a little out of synch, from the limits of the building. "I've got to get some new sound people", thinks Fenchurch. She turns back to the matter at hand, and awaits quietly which munching on a newly - opened Hershey's*

err.... WHAT thou didst say WHEN thou didst say it?

*evil glare, again*

Hey, Fenny, deze here PEASANTS givin' you a hard time?

*shoots the EVILIEST OF EVIL GLARES (learned from watching Gloria Steinhem debate Hugh Hefner on tee-vee) at the uppity PEASANTS*

HEY! My Empress doesn't have to join YOU in YOUR plan to dominate the world, rather YOU should be asking US for a spot in OUR heirarchy! We've got the TOOLS (checks supply of Heath bars, Hershey's kisses, and Nazi propoganda stolen from SubSite)! We have the EXPERIENCE (we've been training for YEARS!)! And (most importantly) WE have the MISSLE SILO (painted purple with glittery stuff) in the Mojave where NO-ONE can reach us for reprisal!

*Glares even MORE evily*

*aside: nice shoes, babe! And boy, are they caustic! *

Be good to us, and we may allot you a satrapary in Afganistan or somesuch!



da Baron
-------------------------* Pidegons? HERE?

WE'VE got the ARMY OF MUTANTS who will OBEY US UNTIL THE END! And the nukes might come in handy too.

*Giggles at the mention of 'nukes'. The building suddenly lights up, as toyish video-game music echos in the background. Fenny throws off her cape to reveal normal, everyday clothes and begins to rap:*

World dominating
Yes, we're dominating
All you others are faking
And it's just irritating
So won't the real dominating
Please kick heads?
Please kick heads?
Please kick heads?

I'm sorry it had to come to this, guys. *giggles maniacly*

Oh, yeah? Well we've got an army of YETI and FREAKS who'll do our bidding!

NUKES? Those things aren't enviromentally-friendly! *aside to Fenny: See? I TOLD you all the other guys had nukes!* WE only use enviromentally-safe FUEL AIR EXPLOSIVES! Hmmmph! *does a churchlady "superior dance*

How long will your mutants follow you if they know you're gonna RUIN their enviroment and leave 'em to die of RADIATION poisioning! Eh?

Besides, WE'RE not worried about nukes in our HARDENED MISSLE SILO! You could hit us DIRECTLY and WE will just be laughing behind our hands, 300 feet below the surface- IF you ever find the secret location from whence we launch our fuel-air missles at your troops! HA! Ameteaurs!




da Baron
>>PTEWIE!<< ----------------------

"Pidegons! Pidegeons EVERYWERE!"

Ruin the environment? Radiation poisoning? How wo you think we get our army of mutants?!

Besides, I've just finished perfecting my evil glare. *......unlishes the ultimate evil glare......* As you can see, resistance is futile!

Ah-HA! "Resistance is Futile"! You're a VOGON INFILTRATOR! How will you even be able to get MUTANTS to follow you once they discovered you're a VOGON who's going to make them all listen to his POETRY once you rule the world? Eh?

HEAR ME OH, MUTANTS! If you follow ME and FENCHURCH, Vogon poetry shall be FOREVER BANNED on the Earth and it's environs! And we'll give you ALL life-long jobs in our NUCLEAR POWER-PLANTS!

Ha! A VOGON!

PTEWIE!<<-----------------*

"Damn Pidgeons are almost as bad as Vogons!"

*glares*

First of all WE'RE NOT VOGONS (well, I'm not, I dunno about the rest), and our mutants are programmed to obey our every command! You will never stop them! Buwahahahaha!
(Oh, and the pidgeons are on our side)

Yeah. *looks skeptical* Like we'd really expect a VOGON INFILTRATOR to ADMIT to it? BWAHAHAHAHA!

I'll bet you have poetry on your page, don't you?

ptewie!<<--------------------------*

"Pidgeons? Working for Vogons? Doesn't surprise me!"

If you check my page you will find NO poetry, and since when could a vogon come up with such a great name as Aurora?