h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay, Peter Parker touches a radioactive spider and inherits some spider attributes. But what *other* (useless) spider characteristics could he develop?

His head turns black
He grows six more legs
He likes to spend all night in an empty bath

etc.

When we've done Spiderman we can move onto another superhero. Perhaps.

I love it

If he ever marries, his wife will bite his head off on the wedding night? Does that make him a "confirmed bachelor" ?

here's one, the ability to be killed via the swift application of a rolled up newspaper to the cranium

I think you cynics will like this ....

http://www.retrocrush.com/archive2003/badcostumes/

Surely Spiderman's most importantly unimportant superpower will be the ability to scare the living daylights out of almost everyonejust by existing? I can just see it now 'NO! NO AAARH! NO! LET THE GREEN GOBLIN HAVE ME! STAY AWAY! AAAAAAAH!' Wonder if one of those hardware gadget catalogues will come up with one of those remote bug removers in human size? (you know, the pyramid on a stick with a sliding base)

How about the abilty for Garfield to have a week of comics where he repeatedly splats him

Well, there's his obvious ability to not being able to climb the sides of baths.

Ultimate in useless Superheroes? Batman. He doesnt have ANY superpowers! Well, unless you count obsessive fitness training as a super-power...

Dont get me wrong, I LOVE batman, but he was hardly a superhero... Just a supra-vigilante?

Yes, and yet he repeatedly kicks Superman's ass

Anyway back to spiderman.

The Shocking ability to be washed down the plug hole

That's cos Superman is a superhero with a weak mind MWUAHAHA!


Anyway, good point about the flushability... And that thing about hiding in holes waiting for his enemies to accidentally walk past him... HMMM!!!!

Spiderman's most useless ability is: being able to get into comicbook conventions at a discount because of his costume.

man spider would be groovy,a spider gets bitten by a radio active human and gets the abilities to drink beer,play golf and moan about the weather

Aye, and he would boast to his mates about the size of his "ninth leg".

If spiderman can do anything a spider can, does that mean he has trouble getting out of the bathtub?

Or does he have a fear of rolled up newspapers?

Or can he eat flies for lunch?

Do you think spiderman spends half his time being carried down the garden in a glass with a piece of paper across the top.

he would be perpetually homeless

just as he gets his living space all sorted out!!!!

a giant feather duster comes along and obliterates his home

The most useless superhero? The Green Lantern.

What if he wanted to make the traffic stop???

"The Mexican Jumping Spiderman"

Who....err.....jumps over Mexicans ?

spider man shoots webs

what about doing it like a real spider????

from his bottom!!!!

his costume would have to have that flap remenicent of old cowboy film long johns,

he exposes himself then squirts white sticky stuff out of his back side!!!!!!

dont think he would have developed the name spider man??????/

All it would take is for the 50 foot toddler of doom to come along and pull off all his legs THEN what would he be? A funny coloured raisin, thats what.