h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You may be back to that old truism that men meet women and hope they won't change, but they do - women meet men and hope they will change, but they don't...

There's something in it, although obviously there are exceptions.

sprout

Can't you just say "I know/ understand what you're trying to make me do/ asking me to do, but I don't want to do that because...."

Better to say "I know/understand what you're trying to make me do/asking me to do, but I'm not going to do that because...".

Saying you "don't want to" leaves open the possibility that you might do it anyway. Best to shut down that expectation right from the off.

>>Can't you just say "I know/ understand what you're trying to make me do/ asking me to do, but I don't want to do that because...."

The point at which you realise you're being manipulated can come after a prolonged period of subtle maneouvering, so that it is not just a simple matter of declining to do something. There might be several previous agreements which would have to be broken, and you might stand to lose anything from your emotional peace right up to your house and possessions. The time to start recognising the maneouvering should have come long before, but it might have been cunningly disguised as 'being reasonable.'

Ah... Really the question is; At what point do you feel able to say 'I see what you're driving at. I wish you'd just ask me straight out, I probably would have just agreed but being herded into things seems to make dig my heels in regardless. I'll think about it and let you know *insert appropriate time here*, but for next time, just ask or it'll be a no."?

Ouch. That approach would not work on my other half...

sprout

Does their approach work for you?

I pretty much reckon that if what they do offends me or makes me feel resentful I should probably let them know. I do respond much better to being asked straight so I can give a straight answer. I will take circumstances into consideration, but if someone starts out trying to manipulate me into things and I don't warn them, they tend to get even more offended when I just start saying no...