h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"the child part of the personality reverts to 'What did I do wrong? It must be my fault!'"

Depends on what kind of child you were/are. My child personality tends to think "They did something wrong. Fsck 'em."

Oh, undoubtedly!

my family hm...
I came from a "broken home"
dad hit mum and then told her she was crazy
to the point she took an overdose of anti-depressents
she was in hospital for a few months while they diagnosed post traumatic stress disorder

my parents split up, thankfully (that was about the third or fourth time she'd tried to get away)

by that point i was 16

I stayed at home for a year to finish school and make sure mum was mentally healthy again

then left home without telling anyone because it was impossible to get a job in my home town and the financial situation was making mum worse again

Now mum and i (and younger sister) are best friends on the phone, I haven't spoken to dad since i left home and for some time before that, he did not attend my wedding

mum has a new man who i quite like, sister dropped out of school has no real qualifications and is struggling to get onto a college course or actually do anything

I now have a uni degree and a happy family life of my own and am self employed

but i do wonder what would have happened if i'd stuck around

So...all misery memoires so far. Is this a case of self selection or are the families and communities we see on TV unusual?

?? Except for me...?

Although in fairness...

>>You don't know misery until you all live on top of each other...

>>...I often fantasise about moving the HELL AWAY FROM THIS TOWN.



Is this a different species of misery? Or a case of not knowing how lucky one is? Genuine question.

'L'enfer, c'est les autres' etc. etc.

"all misery memoires so far"

Not mine. Did you *read* mine? Interesting you should interpret it that way. I get on very well with my mother, to whom I live reasonably close but not too close, speak fairly often and see reasonably regularly. No misery there.

There are a bunch of people to whom I'm related in whom I have absolutely no interest whatsoever. I am content with this arrangement. On the basis of other people's accounts of family life, I should perhaps be happier about it, but it just seems normal for me so it's hard to appreciate just how lucky I am.

The only thing I'd have any other way is I'd prefer my grandmother hadn't gone, but in fairness she was 86 and she said herself she was ready - I should hope to live as long.

(I'd prefer my uncle hadn't gone, too, but it's been over 20 years since that and I'm now older than he ever was, so that's a counterfactual it's hard to picture.)

Yup. I see it as more of a positive thing that I'm not close to my family. I wince and sigh in relief when I hear of other people's complex family politics. I'm sure my family have as complicated issues as any other family; I just don't actually care all that much

A more positive outlook here!

I like my family; and I suppose what I think of as the ‘core’ of my family are fairly close without suffocating each other.

My parents live in the village I grew up in. I/we live about 27 miles from them so I will see them about twice a month on average.

I’m in fairly regular contact with Mum via text and phone – but by no means every day, and it’s usually for a specific reason with some gossip passed along at the same time. Due to Mum’s work and some shared hobbies we often get information passed along about something that is going on through 3rd parties. For example, if I’m off work ill then I know Mum will hear about it within 24hrs due to the students and farms network that exists round here. I don’t mind too much – it’s being part of a community I was born into. The grapevine certainly has its uses!

My brother and I have always been quite close. I think again that shared hobby/interests helped in that respect. He now lives in New Zealand, and I haven’t seen him for a couple of years. Neither of us like ‘phoning’, but texting, email and the like have kept us in touch. One day I WILL make it out there for a visit.

The only extended family I have left are all on Mum’s side. There’s less contact with them as they live further away, but regular contact is maintained and I certainly enjoy meeting up with them when the chance arises.

I’d see my family as fairly normal – but colleagues at work are horrified by the fact that we can go weeks without speaking to each other. But each to their own. I think as longs as you’re happy with your family ties, does it really matter what others do?

I'm lucky to have a really great family life.

My brother and I are pretty much best friends as well as brothers. Get on really well with my Dad and Step Mum, and my Mum and Step Dad. Also with all my still living grandparents, uncles and cousins.

Lots of help and support and big family occasions whilst tiring are great fun and something eagerly anticipated rather than dreaded!

I guess I am pretty lucky!

FB

>>
"all misery memoires so far"

Not mine. Did you *read* mine? Interesting you should interpret it that way.


Oy, oy, oy. everyone. Delete 'All' and insert 'mainly'. Or whatever.

Actually, though...I was referring to the superficialities of your parental situation, SoRB. I'm glad it's worked out well for you - even though your family life didn't fit the (fictitious?) Standard Model.

Hell - I'm not even saying *I'm* miserable. It's called 'irony'.

I like to think they are called 'jokes' but could be wrong.

What really angers me is that everything has to this day all have to be hidden away and not talked about.

My father will look away or change the subject.

My main problems were with my mother however. She tried to dismiss my feelings as a 7 yr old child as making a fuss about nothing or attention seeking because I was upset they'd ripped everything from me in their desperation to move to a faux Vicorian house on a busy main road in a no-mans land. Not to mention the outrageous abusive things she said to me to try to undermine me as a person.

Now the moment I try to talk about it, she collapses into tears.

Same result. Nothing's talked about and the poison carries on festering. Result.

I live in the same town in the Midlands as my mum and my brother, although we've all arrived here by a circuitous route. We all moved to Orkney, then I moved to London, then mum moved to the Midlands, then I followed her six years later, quickly followed by my brother.

I see my mum almost daily at the moment (she's going through treatment for breast cancer) but during more normal times I'll see her probably once a week and speak to her every day. My brother I normally see at least twice a week (I say my brother, I mean his 3 kids ) but at the moment that's down to once a week as I'm more tied up with my mum. I also speak to either him or his wife daily. And I see my father-in-law once a week and speak to him daily.

I love to spend time with my family, I consider them friends.

I have a lot of relations in Kent, where I was born, but for the most part that's just about exchanging cards at Christmas. Weirdly, the aunt I see most of is the one who lives in South Africa because she always makes an effort to come and see us when she's in the UK.

I've seen a couple of uncles, aunts and cousins recently - due to mum's illness they've come to visit. It was nice catching up but I wouldn't want to spend every week seeing them all!

Deb

>>Oy, oy, oy. everyone. Delete 'All' and insert 'mainly'. Or whatever.<<

Apology accepted, grudgingly. Or whatever
Still, it's only a post, eh?

Happy family. Parents and siblings ended up moving up here although that does mean I've hardly visited my home town in the past 15 years. My sibling relationships are probably the most important to me.

Growing up we only had one aunt and uncle nearby so I never felt I knew my cousins very well as they were scattered all over the place (and some were grown-up) (my parents had nine siblings between them and we have 14 cousins altogether). So I like the fact that my niece and nephew live in the next village.

Mol

Then there's another phenomenon:

Society's falling apart. Families are becoming fractured. Therefore people are to blame for society falling apart because they're not holding their families together.

The sluts.

My parents moved 2500 miles away from the family home about 10 years ago - over the years, my sister and I and our families found them and moved there too! Poor sods thought they'd have a quiet retirement in the sun...

So though we all live abroad, we still live within 10 miles of each other and sort out occasional child care between us all. My brother and his huge brood still live near the old homestead and I chat to my teenage nieces/nephews on FB at least weekly - the main reason I have a FB account is to talk to them. I speak to my brother about twice a year, not because I don't want to more often but I need to set aside a day and save up for the international phone charges - a phone call with him is like a party in his kitchen, it can be 4-5 hours long and it's like we saw each other the day before.

I'm friends with various cousins on FB, mainly from my mother's side as we were never too close to most of Dad's family. Both my parents came from huge families in a fairly small area though and I'm still in touch with about half a dozen second cousins twice removed and that sort of thing - the kids you met at family weddings & funerals, may have gone to school with and generally talk about family gossip with!

I haven't seen my cousins for over 10 years. I should ask my parents what they are up to, perhaps I'm a great-uncle now or what you call it.
I had a perfectly decent childhood, with several siblings and my parents staying together. When I moved away it was to another country and I expected I would miss them. It turned out I never really did, and for years I just saw them once a year and was fine with that. There's no problems with them, I just don't feel close to them. I'm not sure I feel close to anyone, so it might just be me.