h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

G'day all,
I am writing up an entry on that most useful and human form of communication, swearing.

Having been happily exiled to Australia, after circulating the rumour that items of facial hair could not be charged with criminal indecency under British Law in the year 1797 AD, I have lost touch with the more global aspects of this most delightful pastime.

My swearing vocabulary is almost entirely Antipodean, except for a few stray bits I picked up from "Bottom".

As the oldest living example of human facial hair in existence, (and the only one which is self aware to my knowledge!) and a prolific contributor to the guide, I would be most grateful to any other researchers who would like to give me their take on swearing from their little part of the earth. Cheers, Ooroo, BFM.

I try not to swear, because I think it sounds bad and indicates a lack of education or a poor vocabulary, especially if its 'f*****g' used over and over again. It's worse, for some reason, if a woman (like I am) does it. However, there are occasions when I do want to let rip, and I find my lack of expletive vocabulary to be a bit of a handicap. One such occasion was when a plumber told me that we don't have an internal stop-cock, and that he couldn't fit one because the previous plumber had made a complete balls up of the plumbing.

So please respond to this posting. I probably won't use them much, but I would like to learn a few more words.

This post has been removed.

That is what I was afraid would happen when I read the original title. You have offended at least one other woman. I shall not be coming back to this thread.

sorry

I live in the Kimberley region of Western Australia. We swear, but even here in the Aussie outback, profanities are used as an exclamation, not as the main dialog. !@#$%^&*() is no way to give (or receive) vital instructions concerning road conditions etc. Those who wish to indulge in such passtimes generally p*** everyone off to the max. To those who can't make a sentence without swearing GROW UP or LEARN ENGLISH. Surely you are more intelligent than that.

Rocket (crocs aren't impressed by swearing)

Ah. But there is swearing and cursing. And I will never ever forget the one and only time I heard my dad use the F-word. (some lorry driver nearly killed us). But, and I'm aware that I may be treading on some sensibilities here, and I do not condone the use of swearing when a perfectly normal dialogue will do, cursing can help. And as a description of your day (when you stagger through the front door, and your kindly spouse asks you how it went whilst pressing a gin'n'lime in your hand) "b******s" is hard to beat.
But, what I absolutely can't abide is use of the f-word, c-word (which I, as I suspect it is with most women, can't stand) in song/rap lyrics just to shock. (especially when the song is in German except for the swearing). And also people who say "bleep" or "expletive deleted" when they should have either let rip with a fully fledged swear-word or used some other form of expression.

So, anyway, my favourite swear words are: b******s (nice woody word)... actually, that's it. I gave up swearing when I left the Army. (!)

I did find Jk's first posting offensive and completely uncalled for. As I said, there are times when it's good to let rip. What I would really like is to be able to let fly with a mouthful, without using a single 'f-word', body-part or body-function. I guess I'll have to get out the 'Shakespearean Insult Book' my mother-in-law gave me a few years ago.

I agree with Sho. I have heard people walking along, holding a conversation, and every other word was 'f*****g', for no apparent reason. Totally unnecessary.

I use b******s when somebody is talking rubbish. I also use 'fiddlesticks' in place of the 'f-word' when something goes wrong, and c**p when describing a bad day. Oh, and I once slammed a car door on my thumb. I said 'S**t!' so softly that Richard didn't even know anything was wrong. A day or two later he saw my thumbnail going black and asked when I'd done it. He couldn't believe anybody could sustain that kind of injury without screaming or swearing loudly!

If things are really bad, 'pooh-bum-willies', as in when a window recently decided to have a swinging time in a high wind & slammed itself on my finger.

I think that too much swearing defeats the object. SWH knows to take cover if I do come out with a mouthful of F*** & B******. The last time was when he pulled the plug out of the sink just as I'd unblocked the U-bend & before I'd put it back together.