h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I learnt long ago, not to mix booze with H2G2, it tends to lead to... 'unfortunate' results.

Hope things get better for you Chris

Yup, i said that to Chris when he phoned me earlier. But i also said to try & keep up some sort of communication IF he isn't feeling utterly evil.

He DOES have friends on here, he is NOT a "pariah"; he is a nice guy who is going through the emotional that we all do when a relationship ends. It is evil, it is horrid, it makes you feel like you are the lowest life form invented;especially if (as in my case) the "ex" seems to insist on pretending you don't exist, or being actively hostile, in public. No cause for this, but in a small town it makes getting back out into some form of social life an act of immense bravery and possibly an Oscar for "putting on a brave face"!

*te-he; private joke, just realised i am actually getting an Oscar soon!*

Anyway, Chris, by venturing back onto hootoo, it's a start.And phoning me was brill, you KNOW i like to talk to you! Do email me, or MSN, or phone again (as you know, i can't phone you right now)

You are NOT alone. But you ARE without a "primary" relationship right now, just as i am & many others. Keep thinking of the Gloria Gaynor song "I will survive" & if all else fails, take a look at this, completely for an instant tonic, i DARE you not to at least smirk!

http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song/ (make sure your speakers are on)

Terri

Every relationship until the one which works 'fails'. We all have so many 'failures', but there is never a reason to give up. Each failure can be fun and you can choose to learn from each one if you want to.

Chris has friends, I have no friends and although I am developing some work relationships at present, I do not want friends. I cannot deal with teh closeness, with teh time they always want you to give. I am married though to a guy who feels the same as me about other people, so we work well together.

So Chris, you have something which some of us could never handle. Count your blessings.

I haven't had family since i was a kid, so friends are very important to me. BUT i am pretty fussy about who i would truly count as a "friend" rather than an acquaintance; certainly some of "you lot" on h2g2 i would see as better friends than some RL folks who probably think they are.

Yes, they can be demanding of time & energy & often don't give it back, but nonetheless, i try to give as much as i can. We are all in this mess that is sometimes called "life" together. One of the best ways to try & make *hurt* stuff fade a little is to TRULY focus on someone else & their pain & do what you can to help, whether it's a beggar in the street, a close friend, whoever. Giving is a large part of loving & that's one of the aspects that goes out of the window when a relationship breaks down, so if you can get that back, you have one side of the coin at least. In many cases the other side will follow. In general; people are attracted to other folks they see as being generous, kind & positive; and interested in the needs & feelings of other people. You may not get a "life partner/soulmate" at least straight away, but you will end up with people you can love for little bits of themselves, who love you likewise...every little helps.; It certainly doesn't do any harm anyway!

And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make"

zdt

Azahar, I now it's prolly not true..but I felt inadequate to start with, this person was just beginning to help me believe i'm not..then dropped me on my face undoing quite a bit of good..mostly the fact he said he'd never give up on me ..so those feelings are back with a vengance The current limbo state..him still wanting friendship,(really doesnt want to lose me totally he says) and admitting he still loves me and hadn't totally reached his decision when he ended it, hasn't given up on/decided against as we were finally, just needs some space isnt really making it any easier for me right now. I can just hope he gets back in touch one way or the other (eiher wanting me back,or to start being friends) soon! and doesnt just not bother n leave me like this forever..

I think life is a lot about yourself. People say things when in lust/love which they genuinely mean at the time, you can't hold them to it for a lifetime though. I am sure we have all said something to make someone happy, perhaps not really meaning it 100% at the time, but wanting to mean it. So its only fair that people do the same to us.

I think the biggest lesson is not to judge your self-worth on someones opinion. We can't stop people changing, they may love us one minute and not the next, that is just the way of the world today. Just accept you were loved for a while, take that smile away with you and work on loving yourself.

The main person to impress and respect in this life in yourself, then any offspring, then a partner (just my opinion), although I think it could also be offsrping then yourself, the ideal method is to be sorted then have children, but if you did it the other way round, then don't make your children suffer your neurosis.

So you absolutely must learn to love and respect yourself first, it really is quite unfair to expect someone else to do that on your behalf, and then to present you with a package of yourself, thats your job!

There is nothing wrong in a partner helping you through something, but you must join in on the whole helping thing, its not just up to your partner to work on yourself.

Also bear in mind the whole age thing, I didn't really feel mature until I reached my thirties. I am only feeling in some control of my life in the last year or two. Getting together whilst still young, means a lot of unsurety and a lot of changes, you both might be quite different people in just a year, as you continue to grow up. Thats not a failed relationship, you both just grew in different directions.

I have been with my husband for 8 years in all, its only in the last couple of years that I have truely felt settled with him, love and partnerships, take time. Trust grows, you can't decide to trust someone and thats it sorted, it can take a while.

Also, learn to compromise, I get lonely but have no RL friends, and don't want RL friends cause its too scary and trapping. So I have h2g2 friends instead. Understand your limitations and don't over-burden yourself.

Anyway thats just my thoughts for today, they might have changed by tomorrow!

You make a lot of sense at times Kaz

Cool! Thats not something you get told everyday!

What I find interesting are the many ways we find to 'not be alone'. Kaz has her own way, that although she doesn't find personal RL friendships possible for her, she can still make and maintain friendships here on hootoo (and I do consider her to be one of my special hootoo friends). Others need more physical contact with their friends.

As I said before, my two closest friends actually live very far from me (one in Toronto, one in Bristol) and although at first we had a day-to-day contact sort of friendship, it still works via internet (emails, msn chats, etc) and occasional phone calls.

And I have regular msn chats or email contact with some other good friends I have met here on hootoo. As well as the day-to-day contact on our chat threads here.

It's all friendship though. And it is all 'real' even if we have never met someone in person.

What hootoo provides for me, friendship-wise, is the opportunity to talk to a whole variety of people that I am unlikely to meet in my day-to-day life here in Seville. And that has become very important to me. I get to exercise my brain in certain threads and in others I get to exercise my heart. I like it very much. And without all of you here I know I would have often felt very *alone* during the past year and a half.

So, here's to hootoo friendships!


az

And I wouldnt've said it if i hadn't meant it

I don't think anyone is predestined to be alone (or predestined to be anything for that matter) but I think there's so many irritating people in this world (you might think I'm one of them, I don't know) that you can end up generalising and end up hating everybody. There are exceptions to the rule. I know it took me many years to sort out the wheat from the chaff and find a group of friends I can rely on through the good times and the bad.

From the kind comments in this thread I've concluded that H2 is a good place to come when you've got problems and/or a weary heart.