h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A bandaged injury: a wound wound.

Nobody prepared to admit to eating Cough Candy? It's like lump sugar impregnated with creosote.
A not entirely dissimilar taste to Uncle Joe's Mint Balls.
Marilyn Monroe: "Is there any other part of Uncle Joe that you can eat?

I was going to jump in and say "but that's a homonym", but fortunately had a think first. Homonyms have the same sound and spelling, but different meanings ( like "tack" above). Homophones have the same sound , but different spellings - my favourite student error at the moment is 'hoards' for 'hordes', also 'I'll ring your neck' (for wring) but I can't think of any alternative for this nonce, which is odd because there are dozens..
The most common sound difference is to differentiate grammatical classes eg: If you can perfect that poem. it will be perfect.
I still don't think 'candy' was in British English before the Yank soldiers brought it over, but maybe they took it from Glasgow originallyCertainly candyfloss came from the States

Don't they call it 'cotton-candy' in the US? Candyfloss appears to be a British appellation, even though candy is definitely an Americanism.

Heterophony is a musical term (I'm on home turf), meaning an independent variation on a single melody by two or more voices.

For the "perfect male" I agree with TC: it's not "beauty" we're looking for, but "goodness".
The criteria? That's just what I'm looking for: if the criteria are known, the definition will follow...

Sounds like that musical definition almost fits, doc. My husband (a German who teaches French and Latin) did have to think first before coming up with that one, emphasising that it can only happen in English as most other languages have less flexible rules as to the pronunciation of vowels and which syllable is stressed in each word.

*****

And I didn't say the perfect man didn't have to look good as well!

TC the would-be thread archivist

I'm pooting off now for the Chinese New Year Hols. Happy Snakes

Heterophone could indeed fit: those different pronunciations are like variations on a melody.
Good thinking from your husband.
But "heterophone" could also be used for whole sentences that mean something different when stressed differently:
"How did you do THAT?" / "How did you DO that" / "How did YOU do that?" etc...

(And yes, looks can be part of "the perfect male", but there's got to be more...)

I would have thought Alan Titchmarsh comes pretty close. Man of the soil (presents gardening programmes) Sensitive (writes soppy novels) Brainy (Has been known to present quiz programmes). That about covers it, I think.

Oh, and can I volunteer? I mean, I am fairly quiet and house-trained which seems to cover at least 90% of most women's requirements.

I would imagine the perfect male would have a return address

AND you know a thing or two about screwing, don't you?

You can never know enough, good Doctor!

P.S. So thats 91% covered. I wonder what the other 9% is??

An "off" switch.

Until now I had only wished them on children, but when I think about it.....

An "off"-switch, hmmmm...

I wouldn't want to be judged compared to C3PO or Data...

What about creativity, the ability to create?

I'll admit to eating Cough Candy (and liking it as well )

Uncle Joe's Mint Balls keep you all aglow given to your granny and watch...

Alll this candy-talk makes me propose Willy Wonka as the perfect man...

I have a feeling that anyone with a wonky willie need not apply.

Why not?
So, is it Willy Wonka or not?
(At teast Kaeori will be pleased with the reference...)