h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A went round the back of the office to speak to my friend Carl who would probably be having a crafty fag. I was shocked to see Carl pushing Greg up against the wall by his lapels. A fight? No. Carl was demonstrating what he learnt at judo last night.

"Hi Carl," I ventured, "That's an impressive move you've learnt."

"Thanks," said Carl, "Listen, I have something very serious to tell you. This could affect our entire jobs, and our lives."

What was this about? Had I done something wrong? My muscles tensed.

"Look, if it's about that Christmas party, I seriously did not realise that it was a banana skin. It could have happened to anyone, honestly, it could."

"It's not about that. It's something far more serious."

"What?" I asked, shaking.

"The coffee machine has broken down."

I walked back into the office and saw that the coffee machine was working. 'Does nothing exciting ever happen in this town?' I thought. 'Even the coffee machine doesn't do anything exciting'.

Suddenly the machine started whirring and buzzing, before shaking violently from side to side. We all watched on in horror, wondering what would emerge from the coffee dispenser. The ground shook. I will never forget how it felt.

The machine spurted out some coffee into a plastic cup, and Greg collected it calmly before walking back to his office.