h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

wasn't the only thing if i recalls.....

At the Imperial War Museum (North) in Manchester, there is a Russian T-34/85 tank on permanent display.

This is billed as the genuine and real thing, and except for one niggling little thing i'm perfectly happy to accept that on the balance of probabilities, the greater part of this tank is a tribute to the mettalurgy, steel industry, and military technology of, the Soviet Union.

However, that little niggle which still bugs at me, and which will probably do so little to practically enrich or spiritually nurture the lives of anyone else reading this that it must therefore class as a Truly Useless Fact.

Nip round the back of the T-34 at the Manchester IWM. There are two VERY solid and substantial exhaust pipes which are firmly welded onto the engine deck. These are in the correct locations for the part and gel with all published photos and blueprints.

For a tank built somewhere east of the Urals circa 1944-45, WHY are both exhaust pipes firmly embossed, in Roman (not Cyrillic) letters, with the legend "MADE IN ENGLAND"?

A useless fact, but one that niggles. Thank you.

In some of the more remote communities in the Middle East, some of the more severe crimes against society are still punishable by 'Death by Scrotum'*




* I'm not one hundred per cent sure what exactly 'Death by Scrotum' actually is, the term is quite ambivalent (it could mean something being done to the victims own scrotum in order to kill them, or a collective act carried out by a whole bunch of scrotums against the victim in order to kill them). Either way it sounds pretty nasty and unpleasant and not something I would want to be charged with.

i was nearly killed by a scrotum once

i dont want to talk about it. it's still very fresh in my mind and i start to shake when i think about it......


suffice it to say it's possible



oh and yes.. the tank thing.. truly useless. well done
much like in 'little house on the prarie' they used to feed their animals with the likes of pig nuts and grain pellets.. which i'm pretty sure were not around in the pioneering days of teh wild west


yeah.. i know it's only television..

There is a charitable food bank which started in the U.S. and is now becoming an international organisation. It's called Second Harvest.


They do wonderful work here in the states and now in Japan. They are very involved in helping the victims of the recent hurricanes and other disasters.

But their name disturbs me.

"Second harvest" is a term for the practice in times of famine of primitive people sifting through dried feces for edible seeds and grains. (There have been modern instances as well).

What were they thinking when they chose that name?

Hmm - maybe a Freudian slip there?

Unconsciously, displaying the attitude to the rest of the world which is held by the Government of the United States and the Republican Party:-

"We dont't believe in charity as Charity is one step away from Welfare, which eats into the soul of a man and actively deters him from finding hard work and raising his family the American way, with hard work and free enterprise!

"But if you've got to have a charity for lazy Welfare-sucking bums, you can pick through good 'ol American turd for once-eaten and undigested grain produce and Praise the Lord for his bounty toward you, amen!

As the Lord has been open-handed toward His chosen people in the USA, so shall ye share that bounty and grace of God!"

... yea...



This just in... female guppies can have menopause.

....... i'm grown me own food from now on.. just leave me alone all o yiz..

as if i wasn't bad enough

I don't remember seeing the tank the last time I went to the Imperial War Museum!

Tomorrow I will walk (one hour, maybe one and a half hours) to the Imperial War Museum to check out this historical innacuarcy!

Disclaimer; that's assuming I get out of bed, of course.

Love and Peace to all.

ABOUTH THE IWM-NORTH. WHY AIRFIX KITS ARE CRAP (Useless Fact in itself?)AND MORE ON THE T34/85

As I recall (my last visit was sometime around August) you get to Salford Quays and locate the way into the IWM North: locating the entrance is an intelligence test in itself! (Also a long hike from the nearest Metro station, which is on the other side of the Manchester Ship Canal, vwry convenient).

Let me see now.. there's a WW2 searchlight on the foyer, then you arrive at the reception desk to be sternly warned by duty Gestapo lady that you aren't allowed to take photographs unless you have a written dispensation for such. (Inward damning and dratting, put camera away). Attempt to engage Gestapo lady in conversation as to how a Papal dispensation may be obtained for the taking of photos. Mention that I am a freelance writer for a magazine dealing in historical matters. (kind of true). Would I be allowed to take photos for magazine submission? Yes, so long as it was in the interests of genuine historical research and you weren't seeking profit. Decide not to tell Gestapo lady I get paid for this.

Check out gift shop in foyer, full of tie-in books and Airfix kits. There is quite a neat diorama of completed models in a glass case. Note that Airfix, after a twenty-year doldrum, now appear to be issuing NEW MODELS??? OK, so in the main they're still depending on selling very old models that might have been state-of-the-art in 1960, but which are dissappointingly crude and basic in 2005. Never been updated or improved, and selling at top prices: you can get imported models from Germany and Japan and (increasingly) from Eastern Europe which sell at the same price and are infinitely better than Airfix in terms of quality and detail. I'm sorry to say - like many modellers I grew up with Airfix kits and have a soft spot for them, but their day seems long past.

Move into exhibition rooms. Get lost in the minutae and "trivia" of wartime. There's a room full of drawers, each with a single exhibit, you can lose yourself wondering what the next draw holds.

And in the rearmost hall, there it is, a thirty-foot long brute in Russian green, the T34/85. First produced in April 1944 using the proven T-34 tank hull but with a redesigned turret mounting the larger 85mm anti-tank gun which made it a match for the German Panther.

Next to it there was, maybe still is, a "co-operation game" where five people each take on the role of a crew member and have to work together to run the tank to its max ability.

Now this monster is authentically Russian in every detail, but if you're cursed with good observation, the rear of the tank has those dratted exhaust pipes with "MADE IN ENGLAND" heavily embossed on the pipework, I think on the base of the things... the only half-intelligent reason I can think of for this being there is that a tank like this might have been the spoils of war, from Korea maybe or from some post-Imperial scrap somewhere. If it was captured, then it's likely to have been damaged, and maybe the work of getting it up to museum exhibition standard was contracted out to an engineering company that kind of missed the point when it had to fabricate replacement parts... (or maybe instal any British-equivalent parts that fitted or could be hammered into shape)

It'd be worth finding out!

That's an interesting point about Airfix. Who doesn't have a soft spot for them? (Wonky transfers were part of the appeal, no?)

What happened to Hornby and Corgy?

More semi-useless trivia that would be of sentimental interest only to men of a certain age....

Airfix used to have the reputation of being THE big name in plastic kit modelling. Over a 40-year trading lifespan (the company began as a contractor providing pressed and moulded plastic items to the British forces in WW2, ie combs, buckles, hairbrush handles, et c)it diversified into childrens' toys when the military market contracted somewhat in August 1945.

Its first plastic construction kits appeared in the 1950's, and were almost entirely model railway accessories: buildings, functioning rolling stock, non-functioning locomotive kits, et c.

Over the 25-30 years before the company went bust in 1979, the range expanded to be the single biggest range of plastic construction kits available anywhere in the world.

This had its downside: tooling up to release a model kit is not cheap and once the tools and moulds are devised, they must be in use for a long time to recoup the investment and return a profit. Any errors that persist to the production stage cannot easily be rectified, and the temptation is always going to be there to squeeze one more production run out of a set of master moulds which are reallly past it and beyond further use.

The quality of Airfix kits also varied wildly. Factors such as the skill of the craftsman turning out the master parts, the age of the mould, the quality of the research, all contributed to the overall success of the finished kit.

It may still be the case that on the oldest Airfix kits, you may still see an impression (meant to be hiddden inside the finished model) that tells you something like "AIRFIX MODELS. © 1958" - ie, the year of first release of that model.

On older models such as the StüG III German assault gun, the legend is
AIRFIX MODELS. © 1960. This is another pointer to Airfix' decline: the Airfix kit of this tank is forty-five years old and has never been updated or brought into line with modern expectations as to what makes a good model. In those 45 years, at least four other manufacturers have released models of this vehicle, all of which, without exception, are better, cleaner, crisper and which incorporate more detail. The most recent StüG III kit on the market is from Revell Models (Germany), who released theirs in 2003. Putting the two completed models side-by-side is not kind.

Also, Airfix have released models which the trade press has critically panned. Not even the Airfix Magazine had a kind word to say for the Airfix Crusader Tank, which was grotesquely out of scale owing to accumulated production errors. This has never been corrected.

On the plus side, where Airfix have released a good kit, the VERY best still stand comparison even today. There just aren't enough of them...

From 1979 onwards, the company (an early victim of Thatcherite economics, they went bust in the 1979-80 recession)passed through a variety of receivers and temporary owners. Whole kit lines were sold on to meet debts. For instance, formerly Airfix model railway accessories and rolling stock are now sold by Dapol models of Llangollen.

The greater part of what WERE the model figure ranges (1:72 military figures) are now owned and sold by HäT-Industrie (a joint German-US company). Some models and figures are now owned by Heller of France.

In recent years some stability seems to have returned to the Airfix marque. They are still selling the core of the kit range - aircraft and tanks/AFV's - and appear to bwe concentrating on childrens' toys and film tie-ins, ie "Wallace and Grommit"

However, new plastic kits have appeared in the firms catalogue for the first time in twenty years: American Navy landing craft, as used on D-Dasy and in the Japanese war - and I can say "I have looked upon these and verily they are good". Other new kits include trucks and tanks.

So maybe Airfix cannot be completely written off yet? (Although I'd be happy if they did something about the clunkingly old stuff, which is no service to anyone)

I have also just realised: the above could be the core of an article for the Editied Guide!

As I was reading that post I thought I'd suggest you write an entry.

Hi GuruRogan

A8145812.

So not entirely a useless fact and therefore slightly misleading on this thread, BUT!

The essence of a Guide article is, I suspect, to exalt the relatively trivial and inconsequential, so perhaps an essay on Airfix Products of London, Earth, Western spiral Arm (et c) would fit here.

A shame Airfix, in its original ownership, went bust before it had a chance to get the licence to do h2g2 tie-ins, such as the Heart of Gold and the Vogon Constructor Ship! I bet the founders and original owners would have relished this...

tanks very much...

Useless fact: I've seen more dead badgers than live ones.

"i was nearly killed by a scrotum once

i dont want to talk about it. it's still very fresh in my mind and i start to shake when i think about it......"

Went down the wrong way did it?

Did you know Britain has more haunted houses per square mile than any other country?

no i didn't.

Where there's a haunted house there's a hotel.

'Useless fact: I've seen more dead badgers than live ones'.

A colleague of mine once tried estimating the numbers of living badgers by counting the numbers of dead ones he found on his drive to work. He eventually came to the conclusion that the numbers of dead badgers was more a function of poor driving skills than the actual population of badgers.