h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello

I've decided to go for my driving test having passed the theory part earlier this week.

Bearing in mind this will be attempt number 5 (Attempt No. 4 was in 1996) does anyone have any handy hints or silly stories to help me out here? I've started having lessons again and they're going well....so far. Lets share the pain!

Congratulations on passing the written bit!
As for the practical - eat two bananas a couple of hours before the test. And put some lavender oil in your bath that morning. You'll be so relaxed it'll make it a lot easier.
I did this and passed first time. I had had 32 lessons mind you - they say you need one for every year of your age.
One of my daughters passed on her 4th attempt - it wasn't that she couldn't drive, she just got a bit wound up. And didn't follow the banana routine!
Good Luck

aw thanks for that - I certainly will give it a try! I think nerves let me down before to be honest. Even if you're not actually trembling you make daft decisions and miss things...

Provided that you're not allergic to them, take two paracetamol an hour or so before the test (they need time to get into your system). I don't know why, but they seem to work like tranquilisers. Richard told me about this when I was taking my driving tests, and it does work. The only time I didn't take them I got so wound up that I made a complete hash of things.

I thought I'd failed half way through my test when I stalled trying to get out at a busy junction. After that I completely relaxed, because I though I'd blown it anyway, and treated the rest of the test like a rehearsal for the real thing.

And nerves while driving - phew..... for the first 10 lessons or so, when we got to the end of the hour and I had to get out of the car I could hardly stand up for my knees knocking together.

If you can afford to have a good few lessons before the next test it will stand you in good stead.

My son will be learning to drive this summer - if he's shown the slightest glimmer of common sense by then - and I hate to think what it's going to cost.

I passed 3rd time.

The first time I thought my instructor was being daft entering me - I didn't feel even slightly ready.

The second was the same - but actually went quite well, until I made a couple of stupid mistakes which I knew I was making....after that *I* was conviced I could have passed if I'd been trying a bit harder. This made the 3rd test not too stressful...of course the lovely examiner who was the same I'd had first time let me re-do my reverse parking too. I actually ended up taking my test an hours drive from home because my instructor thought the examiners locally were w***ers and far too strict. The drive there was actually really good for calming me down

The test is different now than when you last took it but you've had all the extra training you need and will do fine I'm sure

I passed first time, just, in 1998 and for the record I'd like to say I'm an awful, timid, driver and would rather have failed

My Dad was a Driving Examiner, then Senior DE for ... gawd, 25 years I think.

Just to confirm: the Examiner being the guy who conducts the test, not the chappie who teaches you to drive.

I learnt the Driving Test script when I was six, I've grown up with more driving test stories than I can remember, and although the test has changed in recent years, the fundamentals are the same, so here's the things that i know always went down well:

Be polite. One of the descriptions of a good driver in the ***official** blurb is that you are a "courteous" driver. There's lots of ways you can start to build up this impression before you get to the car: When the examnier comes into the waiting room and calls your name, be polite in your response. Be prepared to shake hands if he wants to, briskly and firmaly. When he asked you to sign against your name, say thank you when you take the pen and hand it back with a smaile. On your way out of the centre, be prepared to hold doors open, or to say thank you if they are held open for you...etc etc etc

The other description in the blurb is that you are a ***safe*** driver. Actually, this is more important than being a good driver - nobody expects a novice to drive well, just that they don't kill anyone. So - the story above about stalling: stalling is not likely to fail you, because if you weremoving off safely when you stalling you will not be doing anything dangerous. In fact, recovering from a stall, starting the engine and moving off safely (having redone al your checks!) is only going to make a positive impression.

Don't judge your mistakes. It;'s very hard for you to know if a mistake was a major or a minor. A major is a fail, a minor is not. In the old days you could get as many minor faults as you liked, you wouldn't fail. Now there is a limit of 15, which is still pretty generous: you'd need to be cockingup every 2-3 minutes throughout in order to fail. So if you do make a mistake, forget it, keep going and don't give up!

Having said that if the Examiner has to do something like use the dual controls, you *have* failed, so relax, and just treat the test as valuable experience.

You may hear from people that Examiners have a *quota* of passes and fails, so don't take your test on a Friday afternoon, because they're just going to grade you to fill up their ration. It's ****all b*ll*cks**** The pass/fail rate you may hear quoted is the result of tests, not a level to which the Examiners work. An Examiner's average will probably come out close to that rate over the year, but nobody requires him to match it, and it's quite possible for an Examiner to have a day when *everyone* passes or fails - it's just the way it is!

One final, I hope, reassuring point: a fail form is much bigger than a pass, and the write-up for a fail is much longer and more complex. No Exminer is going to fail you "for the fun of it" - he's making far too much work for himself!

(Yes, i know there are lady examiners, but it's easier to write 'he' throughout....)

Having read all that (and not wanting to worry Lenny at all), there are some examiners who seem to delight in failing people. They seem to take a dislike to a candidate and then fail them, even if they drive well. I know, I've been there.

I'll call the examiner Mr. Smith to avoid accusations of libel, but anybody who has taken their test in Bromsgrove will know who I mean. I took my test 3 times in Bromsgrove, largely because it's easier to pass there than in Redditch (i.e., the roads are easier to drive, not the examiners are more lenient. The slope for a hill start is negligible, rather than the 1 in 5 at Redditch, for example.) On each occasion, Mr. Smith was my examiner, and when he called my name on the third test, my instructor knew that I could drive perfectly and I would still fail.

Some time later, after my instructor had virtually stopped putting candidates forward for tests at Bromsgrove, he got a call from the Bromsgrove test centre. The caller asked why fewer pupils were taking their tests at Bromsgrove. My instructor gave a variety of reasons - poor location of the test centre, hard to park before and after a test, etc., all of which were true. When he had finished, there was a brief pause. Then the caller said, "It's Mr. Smith, isn't it?" and my instructor admitted that he was a factor.

Before you get the impression that I'm bitter about failing my test 3 times with Mr. Smith, I'll tell you something else. Mr. Smith had worked at a number of test centres in the Birmingham area, including Quinton and Kings Heath (or was it Kings Norton?). In every case, the test centre had more complaints about him than about all the other examiners put together.

Get plenty of sleep and no alcohol the night before (or on the day...)Exaggerate your head movements when looking in the mirror. Get instructor to do some dummy tests - maybe ask a colleague from the same school - if there is one - to take you out on a dummy test. They will not know you either and it will be great practice to try and impress a stranger.

I would also suggest only telling just really close people when you have your test to keep the pressure off. Then you will just be thinking how fab it will be that evening to be able to surprise people with the news that you have passed rather than thinking how miserable it would be to have to tell everyone if you've failed.
Look at it as being a bonus if you pass but not the end of the world if you fail. I know it's expensive but if you are let loose on your own before you are 100% ready, then it could be far more costly. (OK if you're like me you will want to hit the tester if you fail but try and be positive !)

Richard stayed home the day I passed my test - to commiserate or celebrate afterwards. When I got home, I walked into the house looking really sad. He gave me a hug and I told him all the things I'd done wrong during the test - I must admit I was surprised to pass that day. He gave me another hug and started to try to cheer me up.

Then I told him that I'd passed. His face was a picture. I'd managed to convince him that I was miserable for having failed (again!).

Cheerful Dragon - it sounds like you had a Problem Person there - like any profession, there are (occasionally) those that have to be Brought Into Line. I'd say to get a call from the DTC like that was so exceptional that they really must have been on the warpath!

The Senior at each test centre keeps a close eye on an Exmainer's overall results, and the Senior Examiner watches him. Plus they will occasionally parachute in an examiner from another Centre (sometimes to cver sick leave or clear a backlog) and that can also flag up issues. The SDE and SE will know all the local instructors (SDEs still conduct tests) so word will get round of a problem - sorry you suffered though, CD

And if anyon'es wondering: No, my Dad did not teach me to drive, and would not have done so in a car without dual controls. I did pass first time, but I had to do it at a different test ccentre to him, and they brought in an Examiner from outside, who did not have the foggiest who I was... Dad would *not* have liked the idea of me going out on the roads unless I was genuinely safe! ... but I *did* pass first time

For f*ck's sake make sure you shut your door properly- in fact, lock it! I failed my test because I hadn't shut the driver's door, and it swung open as I pulled out the test centre

Set your mirror in a *slightly* different position than normal- that'll make sure it's obvious when you're using it.

Ideally, take your test in the morning- then you don;t have all day to get wound up about it.

Cloviscat, at the time I took my test at Bromsgrove, Mr. Smith *was* the Senior Examiner. That gave him the job of allocating candidates to examiners, so he *deliberately* picked me out for my second and third tests. That's why my instructor was so sure I was going to fail the third time. As it was, the fact that I had Mr. Smith made me so tense that I did everything wrong, so I was bound to fail.

My dad had a lady examiner, ooh, 37 years ago? He took a wrong turn and still passed...


...I stalled THREE TIMES (amongst other things) and, to quote my examiner "Mr.(daSilva), you may be surprised to hear that you just passed by the skin if your teeth" - 33 minor erros out of an allowed 35 at the time (but as has been said before, it's 15 now)...I'm not that bad but the nerves really, REALLY got to me - lord help me if I pluck up courage to go for my bike licence this year!

Again, all the best

Regarding minor errors, I was told you can make as many minor errors as you like, but a single major error means you've failed. And stalling is only an error if you do it repeatedly and/or have trouble starting the car again afterwards.

Right: just phoned Dad to check!

The Senior Driving Examiner allocates the tests for his Examiners but he *cannot* choose or change his own tests - these are allocated to him at random by the central booking office

And yes - one major fault is a fail, nowdays over 15 minor faults is also a fail...

Thanks for all that. I think all of the comments will be very useful indeed!

Just to add my two penn'th to the 'same examiner three times' story. I had the same examiner for my first three test. The third one he was whistling 'anything you can do I can do better' as he got in the car and I think that put me right off. However, he wasn't notorious for failing people for fun so it was just 'cos I was nervous/not ready back then that I failed....

last test I took I had only one minor error and one big fat dangerous one! Nyargh!

Oh - and da Silva's point: going off-route is not a fail, providing you do it safely. If the Examiner says "take the next turning on the right" and you mirror, signal left and turn left safely , no problem, the Examiner just has to think of a reroute, fast! But if you signalled right and then turned left - uh-oh!

If the Examiner knows the area, fine, but if he's brought in from outside, they give hime the first couple of tests off that morning to learn a route or two, and then he's off out, so if you take a wrong turning, he's just got to guess!